Breakup after almost 7 years... Is this GIGS?

[harmoneous88]

Hi everyone. This is my first time posting on ENA because well honestly I never thought I'd have to.

 

I was with my high school sweetheart since 16 for almost 7 years when he broke up with me about 1.5 months ago. Its been a very tough month and a half so far, and even though it gets easier as days go by, I cant help but feel confused and empty about the entire situation. He was my first everything and I was his. I am now 23 and he is 24.

 

We loved each other from the start but he was always more in love with me. He was kind and generous and everyone saw it but noone ever expected it to change. Hes a good looking guy and through the years became increasingly moreso whilst I stayed the same. He worked with my family in our business and saw us go through a very difficult bankruptcy in 2006. We had since built ourselves up but I became extremely cautious when it came to finances and was always nitpicky, telling him to save money and to think about our future. The business and life in general made me extremely stressed, and I think this took a heavy toll on our relationship.

 

At the same time though he wasnt the brightest crayon in the box, extremely immature and stubborn and when I complained about little but repetitive things, he resented me for them. For e.g. he had a major problem when it came to speeding.. Every single time I was in the car with him Id have to tell him to slow down. This lead to multiple speeding tickets, and when I'd complain hed say "So what, everyone speeds?" or "Why is everything to you about money?"

 

Meanwhile as I knew I was being unfair to him because of our business issues, I did my best to compromise so that he could be happy. He was always very insecure, and wanted to fit in with his cousins group of friends who were into clubs and girls and stuff. In the beginning of our relationship those boys shut him out because he wanted to spend all his time with me but as the years went on I pushed him to see his friends more, I thought this would be good for him and would only be fair. Well fast forward to 2010, his cousin has a girlfriend and has since left that group of boys, giving my ex a void to fill in the group. He started hanging out with them more, going to music festivals and clubs all the time but I trusted him so much and it never crossed my mind that hed cheat so I didnt question it.

 

At the end of 2010 he told friends he was planning to propose to me in 2012. He also told me he felt like he had neglected me and was looking to settle down in 2011. Of course as soon as this year came around he started to change. He was already of a large body build but people were telling him he looked like Ronnie from Jersey Shore. He kept hearing this everywhere we went and I KNOW it got to his head. He then started taking steroids, even though he was already big?!

 

I felt like throughout all this I was being pushed aside. We ended up having a fight in July which lead to the breakup. All these hidden resentments came out. He said I made him feel low, made him feel childish and he wanted to be treated like a man. He also started bringing up things like "Were too different. You don't like going out with my friends, etc". No I didn't like going out with his friends because they werent my crowd, I never stopped him though so why hold it against me!?

 

Well he took a week break from work to figure himself out.. I found out he was already talking to some girl his group goes clubbing with..Shes 26 with a kid. I confronted him about it but he denied it. Then of course the break up came, he didn't want to work it out, he said he couldnt..he was too hurt and frustrated. So after weeks of begging, pleading etc I gave up.

 

Last week I was at my local coffee place and he walked in..WITH HER. After denying the whole thing. He saw me, came up to me and apologised..said he didn't want me to find out that way. I asked him why he lied..I felt like everyone knew but me. He said he was waiting for the right time to tell me, and that if he thought we were a strong couple he wouldnt have given up.

 

I left, went home and the next day he kept trying to call to apologise, sent txt messages saying he never meant to break my heart etc. Of course he used the whole "I love you but Im not in love with you" line on me. I just said goodbye and left it. It doesn't stop me from wanting him back so desperately but theres nothing I can do but try to move on.

 

 

I guess I don't know. It just feels so sudden, so surreal. He was such a sweet person..the guy I knew would never do this to me. Is this GIGS? I honestly don't know what to do..what to feel....

[trezeralietas]

It sounds like it could be something like GIGS, but y'all were also extremely young when you got together. He could just be feeling like he needs to explore other options, etc, and because he hasn't known anything but you all these years, he doesn't know if what you've had is good/bad, normal/abnormal, etc.

 

My husband recently ended things with me and gave some similar reasons. He always resented that I would remind him of our financial obligations and if he did something stupid with the money (big stupid), I'd be upset and want to discuss it. He said it made him feel like I was policing him, etc., and he didn't want to be "lectured" when he was already mad at himself, etc. Also though, he said that we were really young when we got married and he's not sure who he is, and he wants to flex his muscles as a single guy.

 

What can you do? Just be patient and move forward with your life. Give yourself a chance to heal and let him grow up a little bit. He probably won't come back, but you don't want him to unless he's changed and matured and can stand by you longterm, anyway.

 

Best of luck healing and hugs to you!