LadyCaCa Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 My seven year relationship started going downhill about 2 years ago when we basically stopped having sex. At first it was on weekends only, then not at all. A few months ago I started seeing someone else and now I'm in love with him. He's also in an estranged relationship. We both live with out partners but sleep in separate rooms. I don't know what he intends to do about his situation, but I want to tell my boyfriend everything because I think he deserves to know the truth, and the truth is that I'm in love with someone else. I have asked friends and they all say the same thing...end the relationship but don't make it about the other guy, just focus on the problems that were there before. The problem is that he may try and reconcile, and I don't want that. I feel sick that I can't be with my lover and I hate lying and sneaking around, it has to end. I've never been this confused. What should I do?? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 End it! This is very unfair to your boyfriend! Link to comment
RedDress Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I agree with your friends. End it - but don't make it about the other guy. Make it about how the two of you are not compatible, that you are not happy and that it's time to end the relationship. If he tries to reconcile, simply tell him that you do not wish to reconcile and that it is over. What you've done can potentially scar your boyfriend for life, cause him to have trust issues in future relationships, cause him to beat himself up wondering what he could have done different or better, cause him to hate all women (oh yes, it's true!), etc. Why would you want to do this to him?? To make the breakup easier on YOU?? If you ever cared for him, you should do him the courtesy of breaking up with him in the clearest, cleanest way possible. Not leading him on... but also not dragging his ego and everything else through the mud. Of course - you should have done this before you cheated on him - but you know that... so that's all I will say. Link to comment
girlfromjersey Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 IT IS the worse feeling ever to find out you have been cheated on, regardless if the relationship has been deteriorating. Your boyfriend deserves the truth, especially because you no longer love him. It would have probably been a bit tiny different, if you just randomly committed a stupid mistake but loved him to death. But that's not the case. Come clean. It is best for all of you. Best of luck! Link to comment
LadyCaCa Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 I know it's unfair, and I've tried to end it, but he doesn't really believe me because I've been saying I want out for years. The problem is, should I tell him about my feelings for the other guy or just leave it out all together? Because it's really not the issue between us, it's a lot of other things. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Just end it. Don't bring the other guy into it. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I know it's unfair, and I've tried to end it, but he doesn't really believe me because I've been saying I want out for years. The problem is, should I tell him about my feelings for the other guy or just leave it out all together? Because it's really not the issue between us, it's a lot of other things. Terriable, now imagine ur new lover did this to u! I'm confused on how u made any effort to end it.. he kept convincing u not too? If u had a new love should of been enough to say no more to ur bf.. Def leave out ur fellings for the new guy, and walk away from ur bf, tell em its not working.. Honestly ur Rel with this new guy isn't the healithest, it might come back and bite u in many diff ways, he might not trust u on the future.. Good luck.. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I would break up with the new lover and get your head straight. If you live with your boyfriend, leave the other guy alone and be decent enough to talk to your boyfriend and confess you have been cheating. It is the only way. Don't lie. It will come back to you. And let him break up with you. But if he does, don't go running to the other guy. You need to figure out why you did this, or you might cheat on another guy when you get bored. Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 People amaze me. Obviously there is a communication issue somewhere between the two of you. If you have been straightforward about not wanting to be in the relationship, or the fact that it has been going downhill for 2 years then I doubt it would have taken this long. Why did you start seeing someone else? That is the question here. Yes break up with your boyfriend and tell him the truth. But WHY? Why did you let it continue for so long? Why did you let this infatuation take over your relationship? I see no guilt here at all, anger for your actions sure, but that doesn't mean that you feel bad for what your have done, in fact you make yourself sick that you cannot be with this other man that is in a relationship? So lets see..you break up with your bf, are you really going to continue to see this man that is another "bad" relationship? This si such a springer situation, and you really dug a big hole here. Look at this picture really... Link to comment
Mustachio Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 blackhawks said it quite well. You seem to feel no remorse. Regardless, break up with your boyfriend and spare him any further pain you are going to cause him by staying in the relationship. Link to comment
Aloneagain10 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I see it like this, if you stop loving someone you should tell him and move on, i think nobody deserves the pain of being in a relationship with someone that doesnt love him anymore and then goes to start a new relationship while still living with him!! Do you know the pain it causes? the scars that it can form on him?. Do you imagine a world were husbands or wifes cheat each other and said oh sorry i just didnt love you long ago, but i TRIED !! Im sorry but I think its selfish to stay in a relationship without love the other waiting for a better one to arrive, not only because its unfair to the partner but also because its plain cruel. Cause if you stay with someone you no longer have feelings for potencially you can cause him limitless pain and suferring cause you dont even care for him anymore. In this case i would end the relationship with him, explaining that i dont love him anymore, staying friends with him to help him forget, and DONT you try to put the guild on him, cause he will go nuts figuring out what he did wrong and feeling guilty. Do not tell him about the other! he will fell only worst. If you cared for him try to walk in his shoes and be gentle Link to comment
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