do brown men have it worse when it comes to dating

[redhood]

i was born n raised in NJ. i live in hoboken NJ.....31 years old...great job,nice place,but i notice that black men and white men have it real easy in dating compared to brown men.the part of NJ im from,black guys dont have to make the move,white women chase them.ive seen it more than 100 times where im at the bar and white women approach black men givin them numbers,asking them on dates.white men are approaching all races of girls with just a hello and women start a conversation with them automatically, and they dont get rejected by the girlfriends.but the brown guys like me get rejected by the girls bff, get cursed out, they dont say anything.....ive approached over 6000 women from the age of 18 to 28 and not one date. i get told im good looking by random women but nothing.i see some women staring at me...i approach them within the first 2 mintues and the first thing they say is they have a bf....y were u staring than?ive had women give me there business cards to call them.....i call them n they say they r with there fiancee?y would u give me ur business card.finally at the age of 28, a girl approached me and asked me out. i lost my virginity to her.we dated for 4 months...after that nothing.women in the tri state are not open to brown guys. i know other brown guys who havent had a date or sex for 14 years.the black guys,white guys who get girls....some never went to college while the girls has a bachelors degree.for a fact its my skin color.cause i hanged out with these guys n they have no social skills. we went to a restaurant n they couldnt even hold a conversation with the women for more than 1 minute.i heard in canada and russia,women r more open to dating brown guys compared to the US.so when i hear/read about women complaining about not getting approached but had dated in the past...i got no sympathy for u.

 

recently i was at a sports bar in NJ. i just stepped in around 1030.the bar was dead.i approached two white girls and asked them what time does this place get busy.they said by 1130.i walked away.next thing the bouncers tell me the owner wants to speak with me.they take me outside.the owner said he saw me talking with 2 white girls...i said yes. he said i am not welcomed here anymore. i was banned from the place cause of my skin color.this is the year 2011 n still racism. so girls whining about not being approached dont have to deal even with a fraction of hate i have received all my life....how many women have dealt with racism at a bar or club?none. i deal with it all the time.....it might sound like im on a rant....but it makes me frustrated to see women complaining about not getting a date,when they had a date less than 5 months ago, or had sex recently, or had boyfriends in the past.

[sophie274]

Can you clarify what you mean by "brown"? Are you part African or African-American, or Indian, or Latino?

[redhood]

indian muslim

[Ariel85]

indian muslim

 

I don't think there's a worse place for you to be living than the tri-state area right now, for obvious reasons.

[rocio]

Op- yes, some ethnicities may have it tougher in the dating world. But your attitude isn't helping either.

[sophie274]

indian muslim

 

I'm quite surprised, because I lived in New Jersey for a number of years, and saw quite a few white-Indian couples around.

 

I don't know why you're not having success, and it sounds like you are dealing with some discrimination. That being said, I don't think approaching women who look at you in the street is generally a very successful strategy. People have generally better luck meeting romantic prospects through mutual friends (do you have a social circle?), events, weekend activities. You may want to try online dating as well.

[In the Dark]

I believe there are racial preferences, not colour preferences.

There are exceptions to the rule, say if you have features which relate to a certain more preferred race predominantly European.

[redhood]

i have tried online dating like link removed,eharmony,okcupid....i dont get any replies nor do women view my profile. im not bad looking so i dont get what it is. all i know if i changed my pic n posted a black guys pic, got tons of responses. according to online dating polls,brown indian pakistan men r undesirable by women when it comes to online dating.they r right.i know a couple of brown guys that have tried it n nothing.it surprises me how people here r getting dates,get laid,but still have issues.i will be happy with just a date but that wont happen in this generation.before u say go with indian women...well times have changed.alot of them prefer non indian men.white women r more approachable for me compared to indian women.i know being 31 and only dated a girl for 3 months, that women who r my age have had more sex partners n dates....but its easy for women n they dont get rejected like i do. so this whole dating phase makes me frustrated when reading about people not able to find the one. my thoughts r alteast u got a date, or a number.

[In the Dark]

I remember a very similar thread to this but the OP was an Asian and had the same difficulties as you were or is still despite being proactive.

It is indeed as mentioned discrimination and not brown men in general.

 

Is your own preference just white races?

[rocio]

I was wondering the same - why haven't you had any luck with Indian Muslim women?

[ferna3069]

im not sure if its by this or not by i usualy hear people say stuff like my sister is dating a muslim and if she marries him hes going to control her or pretty much own her. i dont believe in this at all i just read it alot on yahoo answers. there is alot of ignorant people. not every one is like that.

[startinover]

I really wouldn't blame being brown. If I remember Hoboken right, those bars aren't a great place to meet good women. Shallow and opportunistic was what I remembered. You sound like a great guy. Why would you subject yourself to that type? Doesn't Edison have a large brown community?

 

Oh and women are just like guys. They get shot down plenty by the guys they're attracted to. They may have a bigger pool openly seeking them, but that doesn't mean they get who they want.

[abitbroken]

Going up to women in public will not be successful in general and you are only thinking its your ethnicity. The most gorgeous white guy could randomly come up to me in public and ask me out and I'd say no if he hadn't said two other words to me, or it was in a bar because I would think he was a player, etc. I would have had to have seen him around and he would have had to have gotten to try to know me a little and vice versa.

 

To be honest, when I was looking for someone to date, or open to it, I was open to dating indian guys and asian guys, but with the caveat that I only wanted to date guys who were born here or came over when they were very small because I did not want to date someone who was planning to return to another country. And they would have to share some similar views faith wise, as I am eventually wanting to marry and could relate on the same page in a household that had the same basic beliefs as me. I think some women have a preference towards people who look like them, but other women have a fear that people will just up and leave in a few years. I have had friends have that happen. Unfortunately, that is a somewhat legitimate concern and that would go for me for guys from England and France as well as India. I am not up for that in my life as I once was.

 

I was wondering the same - why haven't you had any luck with Indian Muslim women?

 

Right. Maybe the right place to meet women isn't the internet. Are there any groups that consist of young people who volunteer for causes or social events? You will meet a lot of young women of different backgrounds or the same background as you when you are not at a meet market.

[motley802]

Its difficult to say. My friend is Indian (who grew up there and came to US for education) with thick Indian accent. I've never seen him single. And all of his GFs (ex and current) are white. Moreover, he met his GFs on online dating sites. So I doubt thats the case. Last month he got out of short term relationship and within a week he was dating new girl.

[In the Dark]

Its difficult to say. My friend is Indian (who grew up there and came to US for education) with thick Indian accent. I've never seen him single. And all of his GFs are white. And he met all his GFs on online dating sites. So I doubt thats the case. Last month he got out of short term relationship and within a week he was dating new girl.

 

I guess you just have to look at him and see what trait his face has which would make him a potential possibility towards at least being in a temporary relationship.

 

Just because a man or woman dates and has a relationship with someone it doesn't mean they want to be IN a permanent lifetime relationship with them for life but more like dating them to experience the feelings of what it is like to be in a relationship with a specific race.

 

'Life fulfillment' so to speak without saying used.

[motley802]

I guess you just have to look at him and see what trait his face has which would make him a potential possibility towards at least being in a temporary relationship.

 

Just because a man or woman dates and has a relationship with someone it doesn't mean they want to be IN a permanent lifetime relationship with them for life but more like dating them to experience the feelings of what it is like to be in a relationship with a specific race.

 

'Life fulfillment' so to speak without saying used.

 

To be frank, he is not hollywood model material. He is normal guy who is smart and can capture women's attention. I just wanted to add perspective that there are guys who can successfully date even born with certain race. Its all stereotyping that brown men can't date. Well, there are many brown men I know can date women accross the races.

 

Location plays important factor. May be my friend lives in one of the most liberal cities in US might help him a lot. Since lot of people there are open to interracial dating compared to conservative cities/towns.

 

And to be frank, racial stereotyping sucks big time. Brown men are considered as someone who are way too conservative and shy when it comes to women. I don't agree at all. Every race has these kind of people. Most of the brown men living in US are well educated, come from well educated and generally rich families, have global perspectives, are open minded. Yes people in India are different. But its a nation with billion people so there are range of people accross the spectrum.

 

My advice to other brown men; don't lose hope And to women, don't stereotype brown men because of their race. I know couple of my friends who are in successful long term relationship with brown guys and its going well from every possible angle.

[Day_Walker]

It is hard to say for sure what exactly the problem is, I doubt it is something other your skin color and ethnicity. However dating is a numbers game and you need to notice and recognize when a girl is interested in you, because approaching a girl who isnt interested or havent given you that indication is going to have little or no success.

[SilverFactory]

redhood don't let it get to you man. I also read your other threads and understand where you are coming from.

 

I am not going to join the bandwagon and say that you have trouble getting dates because you are bitter. I know that you became bitter because you have trouble getting dates for a very long time now. However the bitterness that you currently have may potentially affect your future chances.

 

I am just like you dude.. for the life of me I can't figure out why I have been perpetually single. It feels like it comes so easy for other guys but not for me. One of my colleagues is from India. I have never seen that guy single. Either he is picking up girls from clubs or seriously Dating some one. His current girlfriend is an European. This is after he dated an American girl for 4 months. If you look at him you won't believe how he is getting so many women. He looks very ordinary and he can't string together 1 coherent sentence in English. I will admit. I am very jealous of him...

 

But honestly though all this envy and bitterness and wondering is not going to help me (and you). So we got to figure out how to make things work for us.

 

Cheers

[SilverFactory]

haha funny but true!

 

Wow, is that Tom Cruise? is it from a movie?

[Honey610]

There seems to be a lot of assumptions going around about white women vs. brown women vs. black men etc. This may not have anything to do with the way you are physically, but perhaps your approach in trying to capture women's attention?

 

I am an Indian woman and I actually live pretty darn close to Hoboken and I date all types of guys (Indian, white etc.) And no matter how good looking or smart the guy is, if he doesn't approach me as a gentleman then there is very little chance that our encounter will go further. And I am Canadian American and I am lucky enough to have experienced both worlds in depth. I really don't see a difference in the amount of inter-faith/inter-religious couples that you see in both places.

 

In general, I understand that dating sucks esp. in the Tri-state area where you're competing with so many people, but all you need to do is meet that one person and its a wrap. Like another person posted here, it's a numbers game.

[Jetta]

Are you trying to date white women or women in general? Because I think the problem is your after a particular race and not a particular person. You haven't gotten to know a woman, became friends with women, anything that would be relationship building. Heck seeing women as pieces of meat is a turn off for them they're people not trophies or otherwise.

[Fudgie]

Cold approach doesn't work, redwood.

 

I'd reject you if you cold-approached me and that would be regardless of your skin colour. Cold approach tends to turn a lot of people off.

[motley802]

I agree. It has nothing to do with the race.

 

OP has had a hard time so far and his anger is justifiable. But I hope you don't give up.

[redhood]

women just dont get it. women in general have an easy time getting laid or dates.the replies on this thread just make me suicidal.if guys who beat women up,abuse them get girlfriends who stay with them, that tells u something. there is a war going on in the dating world. 20% men are sleeping with 80%girls.women can speak extra terrestrial n still get a date.asking women for advice is like asking....smh.im just going to watch clockwork orange n would appreciate if women stay away from this thread.

[Fudgie]

I'm afraid the guys aren't going to help you much either, redhood. They are going to tell you the same thing that I'm telling you.

 

BTW, there are girls who stay with guys who abuse them, and guys who stay with GIRLS who abuse them. Ever heard of a "hen-pecked" husband? I consider guys like that to be in controlling and abusive relationships. It's not healthy.

 

The 20% men with 80% women is ridiculous. If that were true, then the men that we sleep with would have VERY high numbers! I've only slept with 2 guys (older than me) and they had been with 4-5 women in their lives, in relationships. The guy I am with now is extremely attractive and is a virgin, and I'll be sleeping with him shortly. Go figure. I've never really met too many people, men OR women, who have had high numbers!

 

Stop cold-approaching. That is bound to fail for the vast majority of people so it's not a wonder why you're bitter over that. You need to find new ways of connecting with women.