so, this is weird.

[DJP]

Here's my story, it's kind of long: I'm 28, gonna be 29 on Saturday; never had a real boyfriend before, never done anything physical due to poor self esteem and confidence and not meeting anyone interesting. At the end of March I met a guy through one of my girl friends; he is 29. We became friends on Facebook and he would talk to me every day on there or text me, sometimes both. It turned out we had a lot of common interests, and we went out five times just the two of us.

 

Then I went to another city 1200 miles away; I was there for five weeks. I have had a very rocky last year or so; I was supposed to have a job in this other city but it fell through, and also I had been battling depression, and then the job loss and moving out of my apartment and basically my whole world turned upside down. I told him all of this and he knew I was leaving. I was away for five weeks, though we continued to chat on Facebook nearly every day for an hour or two. I finally got him to admit he liked me and I liked him and we talked about being boyfriend-girlfriend.

 

I came home a couple weeks later and decided to get my life back, and we agreed to get together when I got back, only it never happened; he got busy with his work and now I can't get him to talk to me on FB anymore or text or call me at all. He says he is really shy around women he likes, and I'm pretty shy myself. He has had a couple of girlfriends in the past that I know of, one cheated on him after he went to Florida with her and the other was mean to him.

Some of our conversations did get pretty personal; I told him I'm a virgin, which he was ok with, and I told him he made me feel better about myself and all the other crap that had happened. I told him I'm independent and I told him how all these guys kept hitting on me while I was gone and my other friend who started throwing himself at me when I got back. I probably shouldn't have said all that.

 

I have seen him twice now since coming back, but then we weren't alone. He seemed pretty happy to see me; I brought him a gift from where I went and he liked it. I worry that he likes somebody else but I don't think he's the type to do such a thing without saying something. But it's like we just moved back into friend-zone. And I'm currently unemployed and living with my mother. I can understand why he would be afraid. But I really like him and I want to take it to the next level with the physical affection. Next time I see him I'm going to try to touch him and see how he reacts.

 

What else can I do? Besides just being patient?

[punk76]

Interesting situtation. A few possibilities going through his head.

 

1. You are a 28 year old virgin and hes totally into you and doesnt know how to handle the initial sex thing. If this is it, then YOU should just jump him and do it. It's not a big deal.

 

2. You are a 28 year old virgin and he's only kinda into you. Hate to say it, but because of your unique situation, hes not sure how to say no to you the right way and probably just waiting for you to get tired of him. Alot of otherwise great, but gutless guys do this. You mentioned that you got him to admit he liked you. Maybe it's the way you worded it but this is not a good start for most healthy relationships.

 

3. Hes a total douche and is just * * * * ing with a 28 year old virgin to tell his friends about. Doesnt sound like it, but some guys are really really bad people.

 

FYI, biggest amateur move from so many girls is to tell the guy they like that other guys want to bang her. I feel like it's obvious, but this it total bull * * * * . If he's into you, he will let you know it. If you have to jealousy him to get his attention, then a healthy relationship will probably not happen. And the absolute worst, if you know he is into you and you still pull this * * * * , you deserve to be alone.

[DJP]

Thanks for your reply. I think I really screwed up now. He says he isn't jealous, and I didn't do it purposely to make him jealous; to me I was just complaining and I wanted him to see it was HIM I wanted to be with instead of all those other guys. I've stopped talking about it; I don't post that kind of crap on my FB wall either and I apologized for the drama with my other friend. He really does seem like he's too afraid to admit his real feelings but I guess if he doesn't talk to me again I have my answer. But I think he would say something sooner or later if he wanted to end it; I guess I wouldn't blame him if he did.

 

I'm such a buffoon. >.

 

I will update as the situation resolves or not.

[punk76]

Dont be hard on yourself, i went off on a personal tangent about women playing jealousy games. Im a pretty jaded guy.

 

Dont worry about facebook or whatever. Hate to say it, but despite your feeling that he is holding back, he probably isn't and maybe you are attaching yourself inappropriately? We've all been fooled by that feeling.

 

Unless he really opens up, just drop this guy and go try to meet someone new with your little old self. Also, maybe dont announce that you are a virgin right away, ease it in later.

[thejigsup]

I've dated all kinds of guys, from momma's boys to Don Juans, and they all had one thing in common: When they wanted me they pursued me. They called ALL the time, made dates with me ALL the time, and made darn sure I knew they liked me "that way". When men like, they go for it. This guy sounds like he's playing games. Let him play his games by himself.

[DJP]

It's so hard because he doesn't seem like the type to lie and play games or be manipulative and he hates drama. If he was, my friend wouldn't be friends with him. I'm pretty sure I scared him off. I see a lot of things people describe on here in him. I shouldn't have said all that stuff, but I'm really not used to all the attention so I guess I didn't know how to deal with it. IF there is a next time, I'll keep my fool mouth shut.

 

We will probably still see each other at the weekly thing that we met at; I reckon if he really didn't want to see me he wouldn't go.

 

I should be crying my eyes out, but the tears won't even come. After all the other crap I've been through in the last year I just...can't anymore. Every time I think I'm finally going to have something good in my life it all goes wrong.