Bad Break Up

[RealCity19]

My ex and I had a bad break up when she left me for another guy. I chased her for about three weeks until she told me there was someone else which is my fault. She said she wanted to remain friends but I told her it was not possible as my heart was too heavily involved and she left me for the guy who had been trying to date her the entire two years we were together sending her flowers on her birthday etc. She assured me he meant nothing then three weeks after we broke up they are together. We had been best friends for 8 years so I was devastated and told her to never talk to me again.

 

I didn't talk to her for about 6 months though she tried other outlets such as friends and family the whole time. She started trying to contact me directly again recently. I asked her what her intentions were, she said she was in a relationship and it seemed I had moved on so she wanted to open up the lines of communication. She never acknowledged what she did and even blamed me for the relationship not working out. Well I was tired of her pulling that on me so I went off. I called her selfish, heartless clueless and mean and to leave me and my family(who she loved) out of her life. I apologized a few days later in a more detailed email explaining why I felt the way I felt and why I couldn't just be her friend(she didn't respond.)

 

Truth is I still love the girl. I always felt she was the one as we got along so well and we enjoy all of the same things. I am moving forward with my life and not waiting for her although I do hold a small glimmer of hope. After 8 years of contact on a daily basis I know there is something not right about all of this. We had a connection like I have never had with any other human being and I truly miss her.

 

A few questions: I have a very guilty conscious, was it OK to be rude to her the way I did when there was never really any closure after we broke up and she did it in a way that is hard to forgive? Does it seem like she thought she could have it both ways? Being as mean as I was, hypothetically speaking, is there any chance of two people getting back together after I was so mean(again moving forward with my life and not holding my breath?) Any help/good advice is greatly appreciated.

[Deejmonster]

First off.. I would cut my losses. Someone who tries to use the GIGS system needs to find out on their own that it will fail and they only will hurt worse. She wants to use you as an emotional stint. She wants to share those feelings with you but be with someone else. Nobody should move on so quickly after a break up. It gets messy. But given time and growth in maturity, experience, and healing, there is no written rule that says you cant grow back your ex. It happens. Don't make a plan for it though. If it happens it will. Don't rush it, don't ask for it, and don't over do it. Right now you both are messed up, and the worst you can do is jump back into it. Take your time, live your life, grieve, heal, and date.. If you somehow run into her a year or two from now.. it may be a sign, it may be a coincidence. Live your life and enjoy it as much as you can. We all have been here.. its painful but we all eventually heal.

[RealCity19]

It does seem like the GIGS set in for her. She wants her cake and wants to eat it too. She can't honestly expect me to be friends with her while he is around. I am by no means the jealous type but I just know I would not be ok with him around. I know I should completely write her off and for the most part I have. The feeling I have though is weird. I know the girl better than anyone in this world that is why it seems weird and not like her. I am not going to contact her. All of my friends think it was her way of gauging my interest, but I can't go back to her unless she accepts responsibility for her actions. As much as she wants it, she can't have both.