I have a decision to make

[yarg682]

There are two girls I've been talking to lately and things are going pretty well but it's not like I can go out with both of them

 

Option A: I'm very attracted to her, we've been talking for awhile we weren't really able to rush it because she's had some problems and still had feelings for her ex long story short those problems have made her very unreliable in the past but I still do really like her and two days ago she was thanking me for being so strong and patient and saying I was the coolest guy she knows and she should just be happy with me but she said I have to meet her parents she has a tendency to be weird about things though and I tried to talk to her about it yesterday and she didn't say anything about it.

 

Option B: I'm less attracted to her, we've only talked a little bit things I know about her seem cool but I really don't know her incredibly well, she's more available than the other girl but she's been showing signs of trust problems as well, she wants to smoke some weed with me tomorrow and just hang out but she does show a lot of signs of interest in me and is probably more reliable.

 

So basically one's more reliable and emotionally available right now while I know the other one really well and I'm more attracted to her they're both pretty interested though.

[l69]

I would go with the reliable/emotionally available one. Once the ex emotional baggage is on the table, it's hard for people to get out of it. And she shouldn't be dating if she's still not over her ex. She could be using you to "forget" him. People are messed up like that.

 

Also keep in mind that her vulnerability might be what's attracting you to her.

[abitbroken]

I wouldn't be exclusive with either one right now. It is easy to want to pick the "better" of two girls, but what if either one is a good match for you? I think that girl A is a heck no. She is still in love with her ex and is expecting you to wait for her. I would not even continue communicating with her. She can't heal when she is keeping you on a string and loves that she can hold you at arm's length and you put up with the ex thing. Girl B sounds better, but if she has trust issues then that could be a problem too. You want a relationship where someone trusts you or trusts you as they get to know you, not where you get into a relationship and someone is freaking out about you talking to the cashier at the grocery store. Also, are you attracted to Girl B at all? Or is it merely you are physically attracted to Girl A more? Also, to me, hanging out and smoking pot is not dating. But then that's me, I wouldn't date anyone who thought that was a good time. Don't date her just because you like to smoke pot and she's a good pot buddy. Also, would you date this girl if you never heard of Girl A? would she be someone you'd like to date and not just "option b"

[abitbroken]

btw, just because someone is interested in you doesn't obligate you to date or have a relationship with them

[doiiiieeezie]

Neither. At the end of the day you will not end up with either of them.

[yarg682]

Hmm well she's definitely over her ex now that's the point she was trying to make on Sunday the problem is that she pushes me away even when she doesn't want to, she does legitimately like me it's also worth mentioning her ex is one of her best friends and they actually barely dated he's not into her in that way and has helped me every step of the way he says that once we've dated a little bit she'll really start to get over her anxiety. The second girl is almost like an option B it's mostly because I don't know her as well and there is less physical attraction there it's not everything but it's important. It's also worth mentioning Girl A would be devastated if I just decided I didn't want anything to do with her, I'm pretty sure Girl B would be completely fine if I made it clear I wanted nothing more than friendship. I'd really like an exclusive relationship with Girl A above all but she's hot and cold a lot of the time I've learned to deal with it but it does give me a degree of doubt and uncertainty sometimes.

[yarg682]

Oh and I'd also like to mention that I've made it clear that I only want her to go out with me if she truly likes me and is ready to move forward not just because I've been there for her the whole time. I'd imagine that should keep her from wanting to be with me just because of vulnerability.

[Princess123]

Neither. One is emotionally unavailable and the other you don't find her attractive. I say you don't find her attractive because if you go out with her you may just be comparing her to the other female.

[happyfrank]

Option 3. Find girl that your attractive too and doesn't any problems. Plenty of girls in the sea of the world.

[yarg682]

Well that's true wouldn't hurt to keep my options open but I'm going to keep trying with option A while I'm at it she wouldn't say that she should be happy with me and wants to go out with me and meet her parents if she wasn't serious right? I have a very keen understanding of her problems I've had a lot of help in understanding her and they shouldn't cause any issues if we have a relationship.

[Akela]

The second girl is almost like an option B it's mostly because I don't know her as well and there is less physical attraction there it's not everything but it's important. It's also worth mentioning Girl A would be devastated if I just decided I didn't want anything to do with her, I'm pretty sure Girl B would be completely fine if I made it clear I wanted nothing more than friendship. I'd really like an exclusive relationship with Girl A above all but she's hot and cold a lot of the time I've learned to deal with it but it does give me a degree of doubt and uncertainty sometimes.

 

I think you just answered your own question about Option B. She's not even your top choice, just a backup... Not to mention the fact that she'd be fine if she had to live without you. Really? I know I want to date someone who misses me when Im gone.

 

As for Girl A, ehhh.... Does sound like some issues there, but they arent completely hopeless. I would definitely back off and continue to give that relationship time/space. Sounds like she has some things she needs to resolve before you to become an exclusive couple.

[abitbroken]

It doesn't matter if Option A's ex is "not into her" and "doesn't see her that way" because she clearly wasn't over him. How did she get over him so fast from your first post where you clearly stated she wasn't? If they are best friends, then you know that he is always going to be right there...and you are okay with that? You don't think that will bother you or that she will go call him and talk about problems she is having with you? Who cares if Option A would be devastated - its not about keeping the two girls happy, its about your life and getting the fulfilling relationship you deserve. it seems that option A would be more devastated than B if you told her you couldn't go out with her, but is that any reason? Why would you want to take a crash course to understand someone's problems to go out with them? Just sayin.

[abitbroken]

btw, you are saying you THINK the other girl wouldn't mind. How do you know?

[yarg682]

I'm not bothered by him being there I'm generally not the type get jealous I'm pretty secure once things are clear cut, the thing with not making option A upset is meagerly based on empathy I really like her and don't want to make her upset it makes sense to me and as for making the other girl upset I don't know it's more or less based on chance that's why I'm so unsure.