crappy day NC

[Imprimatur]

I just got the lack of sleep and food thing under control myself in the past few days. That is after months of stress.

 

I can't bare the thought of her with the new guy either, and know its just a matter of time before I see them together. I don't have enough positive things to focus on in my life at the moment- I know thats most of the problem.

[Sanity]

Well one thing that keeps me moving is that I know the new guy is not better than I am. Everyone that sees him wonders what she sees in him. Let them have their fun. We're only feeling the pain earlier than them Its better to feel pain then fun than the other way round.

 

I wonder how some people can rebound. I can never do it.

[Imprimatur]

I don't know about the new guy yet. He makes more money than me, and has a great job which is hard to compete with at the moment. She is a beautiful girl so I assume she hasn't settled for anything less?

 

Rebound..I understand it. Its filling the void left behind. Making your self so focused on an new relationship that you forget the old one. I get it now.

 

I want to believe that I will never ever be this distraught over a relationship again. ever!

 

I swear she has been scripted by websites on how to handle me in this breakup. I have been reading some of the material out there regarding initiation of a break-up, and she was using the same vocabulary, and steps. I wish I had seen it all coming, but it was just a perfect storm. Unfortunately for me...I digress...sorry..back to the original thread. Lets hope its all better, soon.

[DerekJason]

I've seen my ex's new guy, pfft! Not impressed. Still, she is his now. Her words. The thought of them laughing together, and mixing it with memories of our early days... I know exactly the things they're doing and its like ice inside my veins. It took about 3 weeks for those dreams to peter out, but I think the key is taking care of ourselves physically. Today I am tired from lack of food and sleep, thats gotta be part of this. Sleep, eat right, and keep moving forward... What other choice is there? We won't quit, right fellas?

 

yeah man, just gotta get thru the rough part. we can do it!

 

I just got the lack of sleep and food thing under control myself in the past few days. That is after months of stress.

 

I can't bare the thought of her with the new guy either, and know its just a matter of time before I see them together. I don't have enough positive things to focus on in my life at the moment- I know thats most of the problem.

 

damn man, good thing i have no mutual friends with my ex. i feel bad some some of the guys/gals on here that have to see them on a regular basis when theres no kids involved.

 

Well one thing that keeps me moving is that I know the new guy is not better than I am. Everyone that sees him wonders what she sees in him. Let them have their fun. We're only feeling the pain earlier than them Its better to feel pain then fun than the other way round.

 

I wonder how some people can rebound. I can never do it.

 

idk man, i would stupidly try a rebound right now, but id have to be ALLLLLL about it, personality, physical attraction.

ya know sometimes i wonder something like "Its better to feel pain then fun than the other way round." once we get there, we'll truly be thru this big pile of garbage.

 

yeah back to the original topic

[Gaffler]

Whats the best of ENA thread?

 

 

 

And this one is good too

 

 

[RubyWoo]

Just woke up and having a hard time already... I was doing ok the past few days... maybe it's starting to sink in that it doesn't seem like he'll be back. And he must be having so much with his mates and all this girls around him, and that blonde he was emailing during summer...

 

Turned around when I opened my eyes wanting to see him there sooooo bad.

 

There is a movie we both wanted to watch coming out Friday and I know he'll be watching it with someone else. I just want to cry, someone tell me how to stop the pain.

[Imthatguy]

I'm going to bring positivity into this thread because I am feeling great today. In 12 hours it will be a week since I've talked to her, I do miss talking to her, but at the same time I am doing better without. Granted we never had a true relationship for those who read my other thread, I just got shut down hard. Reading over the forums has helped me realize how much I idolized her. I can now start focusing on what wasn't good about her and that helps a lot.

 

I've also been doing well in excercising and in eating too that helps! My boss told me he could see that I lost weight just by looking at my face, and that is a win day for me.

[lavenderdove]

What is most helpful in starting to resolve the pain is to recognize that you are putting the center of your self and emotions outside yourself... i.e., you've made HIM the center of your world rather than you. Your thoughts revolve around imagingin what HE'S doing and reacting to your own emotions imagining what he's doing. And you also make possessing him your ONLY goal or the only goal that has meaning for you.

 

So you need to knock him off his pedestal and out of the center of your world. He's already told you he doesn't want that role, and in fact has already snuck off even though emotionally/mentally you are giving him the prime real estate in your brain/thoughts/emotions. So your goal is to evict him from your thoughts in the same way he has already decamped from your life. You are keeping him very alive in your thoughts/emotions/hopes/dreams, and you need to recognize that your goal is to extinguish those thoughts rather than nurture them and linger and wallow in them.

 

So google 'thought stopping' and start practicing it. You need to remove him from your head as surely as he removed himself from your life. If you start controlling the amount of time you allow yourself to think of him, you will start getting your life back. He shouldn't occupy hours of your day in your thoughts if he doesn't want to be in your life and isn't in your life. So it is self inflicted pain in that you are continuing to allow yourself to dwell on him and fantasizing about him and worrying about him etc. You need to set aside a few specific times a day where you allow yourself to think of him, then you need force yourself to confine your thoughts of him to those specific times, and over time, reduce the amount of time you allow yourself to think of him gradually, until you are only thinking about him rarely, and will have filled your day with other thoughts, people, things rather than let him have center stage.

 

Getting over a breakup requires discipline rather than letting yourself wallow too much in self pity or extended fantasies that he/she may come back, when the person has happily left you and is not interested in that. The sooner you align your thoughts and emotions with the reality of the situation (that the person just isn't around or interested anymore), the sooner you will feel better.

[Imprimatur]

Well said. I need to read this over and over again to myself. Thankyou!