relationship or career?

[cupcake22]

My bf wants me to move to Tupelo for him even though I have a good job where I am (Dallas). Not sure what to do. Advice?

[Princess123]

Career. Why? Unless their is a ring on your finger there isn't a need for you to pick up your life and move to where your bf is. You just never know how the relationship will turn out and you don't want to be stuck in a new place, without a good job and wishing you had your old job.

 

Tupelo? Middle of nowhere much?

[Celadon]

Things to think about:

- How do you feel your relationship is with him. Do you see a long-term future with him?

- This is a bad economy. What are the job opportunities for you in Tupelo?

- Friends or family? Do you know anyone in Tupelo or that area, which would ease your transition?

- Timing. There's no need to rush into a decision. Consider what you want for yourself and for your relationship with him. What ultimate goals do you have? Long distance relationships are possible, and if you were to do that, what would it look like? You can also let him move first and decide to join him later.

[mybunnyslipperz]

I learned this lesson the hard way and won't ever relocate again for a guy unless there's a ring on my finger... and I did this 7 years into the relationship. A year and 2,800 miles from home later, he decided to end it with no warning, rhyme or reason.

[abitbroken]

How long have you been together? Also, have you talked about a future together? If you guys decided that your MUTUAL dream was to move to Tupelo and you were both making it happen way before this job offer that would be different, but he is basicaly saying "i got this job, now move."

 

I would

1) Let him go and see if the job is a solid situation. Some folks move for a job and find out they are jumping from the frying pan and into the far. Does he like the job? Does he like the area? No sense in quitting your job if they let him go before his probationary period is up.

2) Travel with him to the area whe he looks for a place to see what the place is like yourself.

3) Visit eachother on the weekends or every couple weekends and seriously talk about your relationship . Or just go with the flow.

4) Him being away will give you the chance to really decide if he's the one for you.

 

I agree with the others, unless you are engaged and there are firm wedding plans in place, I would not move. OR, if you do, don't live with him. Get your own place, even if its a room for rent or with a roommate so you can establish your own friends and your own life so that you aren't clinging on him because you don't know where you are or what you are doing. It will make the relationship better because you aren't living together and playing house with no end in sight.

[Jabbe]

Career definitely. It doesn't make sense to relocate for a relationship. It's only worth it if you're married.

 

Learn how to deal with LDR.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Stay where you are. In the meantime do some homework and see what job opportunities there are available for you over there..a job that is either a sideways move or a step upwards. Don't move without a job lined up, and don't move for a lesser job.

[RedDress]

I Google mapped it. Tupelo really IS the middle of nowhere. Yikes! The closest big city is Memphis... and that's 2 hours away! Wouldn't he have an easier time finding a job in Dallas than you would in Tupelo?

 

I wouldn't either - especially since you said the word "career". If you were working a minimum wage-type job in Dallas, I'd say go ahead and move if you want. But if you have some type of degree, your odds of being able to find the same kind of work in the middle of nowhere is negligeable. You also don't want to downgrade (even if he's making a million dollars) because you will make yourself less marketable if you take yourself out of your field for too long. That's shooting yourself in the foot in the event you break up. Stranding yourself in a nowhere town with less marketable skills... um... no. Not for someone who is not willing to commmit.

 

Now... if he wants to move somewhere between Tupelo and Memphis (and there are opportunities in Memphis) and you BOTH commute to get the best of everything (each with a happy career and together) - that might be a plan. But... be prepared to commute.

 

Edit: Memphis has one of the higher unemployment rates in the country, btw. Was just looking it up. It's at 10.4% compared to Dallas at 8.6%. That's not good. Make sure you have a job lined up for sure!

[DN]

I agree you should not move unless there is a long-term commitment.

[thejigsup]

I've stupidly done that twice. Never again! DON'T DO It! Nothing good can come of it.

[shl025]

I think you should stay with your job. I am a noob at LDR, but I can give you this quote by Lady Gaga! "Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore."

 

Hope it helped.

[abitbroken]

BTW, I don't think Tupelo is in the middle of nowhere. There are great opps in some secondary cities. it is not in the sticks. That would be like saying Boston is where its at but Providence, Rhode Island is backwoods and a one horse town. Its just not a major city like Dallas. The main thing is just dropping everything if Tupelo wasn't your mutual dream or you have no future with this guy.

[cupcake22]

It was basically his way or the highway...so I took the highway. Not sure how to handle this because we've been together for almost 5 years.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It was basically his way or the highway...so I took the highway. Not sure how to handle this because we've been together for almost 5 years.

 

Yep, well, if that is his attitude then guaranteed, if you moved down there your feelings wouldn't count for much in other aspects of the relationship. The highway is the better way to go. He is looking out for himself only so you have to look out for yourself as well.