NeverGoingBack Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I think I need a bit of advice on the following if you don't mind... So I went out with this amazingly hot girl. Here's the story: I knew her when we were like 15/16 and we had our first sexual experiences together. Hadn't seen her in 12 years and in the meantime I've had a ten year relationship and she is now a single mother living alone with a kid. So we got in touch on Facebook. She left messages under some of my pics like "I love this pic of you XXX" etc etc. So we got chatting, and then on the phone for hours in the middle of the night. We said that we'd meet up for a chat and to catch up (she was the first to ask to meet up). I left it a few weeks because I really wasn't ready for whatever was coming - I didn't want to go out because I was really down about the ten year relationship ending, and it just wasn't a good time for me. One night she called me at about midnight and asked what had happened to our coffee meet up and I said that I'm heading away for a week but that we'd definitely go out when I got back. She said let's forget about coffee and go out for a few drinks. So I went away on a trip for a week with friends and came back and called her and we arranged a night. We went out. It was a great night. We chatted over drinks for hours and hours and stayed out until every place in the city closed. She said that we should definitely stay in contact from now on and I agreed. We shared a taxi home. When we got into the taxi we were asking the driver if there was anywhere else open that served drinks late and he said "No". So the plan was to drop her off at her apartment and then I'd get the taxi home to my place. On the way, she was really drunk and started talking to the taxi driver and me about all sorts of things including her one year old son. She was fairly hammered, as was I. Somehow we ended up "cosy" together with my hand on her leg (and what a leg it is). We were kind of relaxed into each other if you know what I mean. I said to her that we should polish off a few bottles of wine in hers (she had mentioned earlier that she had wine in her place) and when the taxi pulled up she said that she wouldn't feel comfortable to do anything with me on our "first date", whatever that meant. Now, I think this was the drink talking, because I didn't realize we were on a "date" necessarily. From my perspective, it was just old friends catching up after a long time apart. But she presumably saw it as a date. And I'm perfectly happy for it to be a date. She asked me getting out of the taxi if I was pissed off and I was kind of embarrassed in front of the taxi driver... and told her that I had no reason to be pissed off and that she has the wrong idea. I think she thought that I wanted to bring her up to her apartment and give her a seeing to. Now, I would have done that, no problem, but it genuinely wasn't my intention at the time. I can be confident, but not that confident that I'd think she's going to sleep with me when I haven't seen her in so long. She kissed me goodnight and got out and went into her apartment. I went home, but texted her on the way and said that I think she got the wrong end of the stick and that I wasn't trying for more - I simply thought we could drink more, as that was what we were both looking for... The baby wasn't in her place, it was in her mothers, so I didn't see what the big deal was... I told her that I would have got a taxi home... She called me back at about 5am and said that it's okay and that I should come down to her tomorrow... I said that I would cook her that meal that we were talking about... The next day, I didn't call or text because I thought that her asking me down to her place the following day was just the drink talking, and I wanted her to contact me... We texted each other but she didn't ask me to come down and I didn't mention the fact that she had asked me to go down to her... Then we got chatting at the weekend on the phone and by text... She said that we should do something on the Sunday night as she wouldn't be in work on the Monday... I told her on the phone, playfully, that she had referred to our night out as our "first date" and asked her was that the drink talking, and she said that she was "red" (embarrassed). So Sunday came and I called her and told her I had a plan of action for Sunday night... She asked if it would be okay to leave it until Monday night as she's not in work until late on Tuesday. She has to leave her son with her mother if she's going out and her mother was in work early on Monday morning and so this meant that Sunday night wouldn't work out... I said no problem... I said that we should meet at 8pm on Monday night and told her the place but told her to call me on Monday to confirm... I said that I'm aware she has her son to look after and that if it's ever inconvenient for her, to just let me know... So Monday has come and gone. I waited until 7.15pm last night for a text or call from her. I sent her a text asking if she's still up for a few drinks later on and the comedy club as we had planned. Again, she is the one who said that we should do something... not me... She's going away during the week to the US and after our catch up night she could have easily said "Well, I'm heading away for a couple of weeks, so I'll keep in touch when I get back" or anything else... But she actually asked me to do something on Sunday or Monday just gone... So anyway.. I sent her that text.. and then called her.. The phone rang but there was no answer... And since then I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me... In my opinion, she has a history of playing mind games with men. She did it before when we were younger, and she practically admitted it when were having a chat over drinks.. She said something along the lines of "It's amazing how much power us women have over you men. We can make you do anything..." I think she is trying to * * * * with me... As I said, I sent her a text and tried to call her, only once. I'm going to leave it up to her now to make contact, but what's your opinion on what's going on here? Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
realgamer Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 given the story i thought she was legitimately interested in you, however based on her track record and her comment about power i think she is going to take you for a ride.. I reckon you make it out as if she is damaged goods because of her kid and all.. * * * * with her self esteem and play fire with fire.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 We can be really good friends. We get along very well and she's so down to earth and has a great sense of humor... So I'd be happy just being friends with her. But being a straight male, it's hard, because when we're both in each others company, things just seem to happen, on a small or large scale... like it was 12 years ago.. She is INCREDIBLY attractive. EVERY man wants her. Seriously. We had our first sexual experiences together, as I said (which was an honor, believe me), but I doubt I'm ready for a relationship after just coming out of a ten year one (nor do I really want one), and I honestly don't think she's suited for relationships... A lot of girls and guys I know see her as * * * * ty. I'd be happy with some female companionship right now...but I was admittedly happy when she referred to our night out as our "first date" as well... But I don't get why she didn't text me back or return my call last night since she is the one who initiated contact to meet up and then told me she wanted to go out with me again, literally a few nights after we had met up for the first time in 12 years... I don't get it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Anybody else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dlar Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I think I'm going through similar. Just made a thread about it. However, we're a little younger. Shes 21 and I'm 24. Kid involved also. I'm not trying to not contact her until she does me. But she's right, it's amazing how much power they have over us. Just a few hours of not hearing from them can send you crazy! I don't wan't to stop talking to her, I feel like I've lost a leg when we don't talk. And I also don't want her to end up with anyone else, it kills me to think she's with someone else! Facebook is a killer too, to see her sending flirty messages o nthere to another bloke seriously cuts deep! I'm a very flirty guy, I have quite a few pictures of me hugging female friends, kissing them (Not a full on kiss!) and flirty comments so I should shrug it off as I don't mean anything in it when i do it, but it's hard and my mind goes on a wobble. This dating business is hard. I've not had many relationships, and in my last one the female did all the chasing, now it's me doing the chasing, i hate it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dlar Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Also, by similar I mean we knew each other a few years ago when we was like 15/17. Never did anything, just got close but it fizzled out. She met someone else, got pregenant and he fooked her off. I was with someone and we got chatting as mates, she then got with someone else and we stopped talking. Then about a year or so later we both seemed to go from In a relationship to Single at the same time on facebook, so we got chatting. And that's how it's all began from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 The thing is...I'm not even chasing her so to speak... Maybe it's because I'm too relaxed about it that she's acting weird... The only thing that bothers me is that she didn't respond to my text or call me back... As a decent human being, I think you should at least return someone's call... She's probably waiting to see how I'll react. In my last relationship (the only one I've ever had, that lasted 10 years) she chased me at the beginning. So I'm in the same boat as yourself in a way... But if I saw on Facebook that she was with someone else, or flirting with someone else, I wouldn't even dream of trying to get a date with her - that would be only setting myself up for heartbreak... I was talking to her about the Mel Gibson tapes when we were out, and she thought they were hilarious (as did I) and was amazed at what women can do to men's heads... So she definitely knows what she's doing... But if she's trying to play games with me, she's picked the wrong guy... I won't chase anyone... Either they like me and want to date me or they don't... I don't want any BS... If you read my post, her behavior does seem a little bit odd... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dlar Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 That's just it, it's been ignored which annoys me the most. I sent her a text at 11pm Friday night, and never got a reply, not even the next morning. Now if she text me whilst out, I may not reply right away, but I would reply at some point during the night, or at least when I woke up the next day! And other times she's ignored my texts, like the last one I sent last night just asking for an explination as to what's going on and where I stand - SHe's ignored it and not bothered replying. Now to me, that is ignorance and damn right harsh! I've chased, and now I have decided to give up. It's in her hands now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Is it possible, do you think, that she didn't think I was interested at the beginning...and because of the kind of girl she is...who always gets attention from men...she needed to know if I'd be interested in her, and so she dropped words like "date" etc to see how I'd react, and to see if I'd pursue, and then when I agreed to seeing her again so soon (after she asked me) she said "Ah, I have him now where I want him" and now she can do as she likes... Maybe she's not interested but she just needed to know that I was interested to boost her ego...? If so, she's majorly * * * * ed up. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have sent her the text asking for an explanation. You definitely need to NOT contact her now... If she doesn't contact you, she's not interested. You've done all you can do... If she contacts you, play it cool, and don't make it obvious that you're too interested. Play the courtship dance. Maybe that's what "my girl" is doing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jakel Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 You sound gun shy because of the last exp. Just be honest with the woman. All of the nonchalant bs on your part could be construed as mind games!! She chased and for a woman who is used to being chased that means a lot. Joe cool can come off as Joe cold. If you like her stick your neck out!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 You sound gun shy because of the last exp. Just be honest with the woman. All of the nonchalant bs on your part could be construed as mind games!! She chased and for a woman who is used to being chased that means a lot. Joe cool can come off as Joe cold. If you like her stick your neck out!! Good advice if you're correct. To be honest, if I stick my neck out now and get rejected that's going to be majorly painful... But why should I contact her today? I called her last night, the phone rang, she didn't answer, and I left it at that... Should I not just wait to see if she contacts me? What if she's not interested? It would make me look too needy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dlar Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Maybe leave it a day or two? Then drop her a text or a call and ask how she's doing. If still no reply, then you know she aint interested and you've not tried too hard only to be knocked back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 I'm just gonna leave it and see what she does. Why would she initiate a night out and then when it comes to that night, not bother answering a call? That's what I don't get... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldenoughtoknow Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 OP, she does sound like a game player. She loves attention from men and is fully aware of how capable she is when it comes to manipulating. At some point, she changed her mind. Maybe when you asked about her calling it a date. She initially threw that out as a prospective flirt. Maybe when you finally bit, that's when she lost interest, and cancelled Sunday and blew off Monday. If I were you, I wouldn't contact her for at least a week. Let her wonder what you're thinking for a while. At first, she'll think she's driving you crazy, then she'll think she crushed you, and then she'll think you really weren't interested and playing her - that's where you want her to be when you call. When you call, don't be upset and call her on her crap - that will let her know she's winning. Be really casual, don't bring it up, chat for a while and ask her to meet up again. She better be hot to put up with this BS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 She better be hot to put up with this BS. She's a head turner... Out of this world... But I'm not gonna call her. She can call me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 I actually remember her telling me that she's having problems with her iPhone, where she gets texts sometimes the next day after they're sent (which happened once with us). Still doesn't explain why she didn't make contact yesterday or return the bloody call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldenoughtoknow Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Don't make excuses for her bad behavior. Stay the course. You know, she may have gotten a better offer for Sunday and Monday. (I think that deserves a touche.) If you write her off, right now, you'll be pleasantly surprised when she comes around in a few days. Or, you could spend the next few weeks miserable. Really your choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 No, she said she wasn't doing anything on Sunday or Monday night, which is why she asked to go out with me... And she said she's not seeing anyone else. She's a single mother with a one year old boy - I'm sure she has her hands full, but she's the one who asked me and then didn't return my call... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrZod2012 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Hi, based on the below, very likely she is. Listen, I have a little experience dealing with this type. This is what you have to do: disappear. Then if she ever contact you again, treat her purely as a friend. Do not try to touch her, nothing. Then if she comes to you implying physical contact, tell her upfront (without touching her) that "the type of women who you relate to are very open, honest and black and white on things and I do not need insinuations". After that see her reaction. If she still kiss you, etc go for it and she still try to push you back, pull the plug on her forever. "It's amazing how much power us women have over you men. We can make you do anything..." I think she is trying to * * * * with me... As I said, I sent her a text and tried to call her, only once. I'm going to leave it up to her now to make contact, but what's your opinion on what's going on here? Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 She texted back and said that she's sorry for ignoring me... But she didn't say why. I told her that she's obviously taking the piss... She is the one who referred to the first night as a "date", and then initiated the second night... I asked her if she's 15 again...and I've decided to play games back... I asked her if she wants me to do "a Mel Gibson" and she said that she'd "love that"... * * * ? Then I said "you're just ignoring me because you want my flute in your gob". * * * * her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ny guy Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 She texted back and said that she's sorry for ignoring me... But she didn't say why. I told her that she's obviously taking the piss... She is the one who referred to the first night as a "date", and then initiated the second night... I asked her if she's 15 again...and I've decided to play games back... I asked her if she wants me to do "a Mel Gibson" and she said that she'd "love that"... * * * ? Then I said "you're just ignoring me because you want my flute in your gob". * * * * her. wow, um....well now you know for sure that this is a dead end....there's a good chance you did yourself a favor by burning this bridge gotta give you credit, you certainly called her out on it lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverGoingBack Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 Nope, the next day she called and texted... Meeting up is not out of the question... She's obviously insane... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackhawks1287 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Nope, the next day she called and texted... Meeting up is not out of the question... She's obviously insane... Haha issues for sure... Same thing kinda happened to me, but not with that kind of history. This girl blew me off like yours so I sent her a text to not let this get awkward (since we already had sex) and that I was backing off, and then texted back same night with some lame excuse...to which I ignored. I did back off, she tried to play games, called her out on her B.S. and played it right back in her and really took a jab...(she got really upset, and I knew I struck a nerve) But leave this bridge burning and don't look back...there is a reason she is single and I bet you she burned the ex, especially with the kid nonsense...stay away... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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