Should we split?

[StevenCapelli]

I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 years now and in the last few months I've noticed her acting strangely. A few months ago I caught her hiding an online instant messaging conversation from me, she stated this was all innocent and was just online friends talking. A few days ago I happened to catch a notification on her cell from the same IM service she uses but the messages were definitely not innocent, it has since been confirmed that she has in fact been talking to guys online in a sexual manner. I won't go into much more detail but she tells me that her reasons for doing this are valid but not sexual in anyway.

 

I am seriously considering leaving her and am starting to think that even if I did stay would I ever be able to trust her again? She says she's happy with us but she just has some issues.

 

Any advice would be appreciated because I'm a bit of a mess at the moment.

[Ocean of Blue]

get rid of her. emotionally she is cheating on you

[Shaun23]

I agree with previous poster! Kick her under the boody! She is cheating and playing with your emotions and your soul! The fact that she tries to defend what she is doing is also a big flashing red light. If she had any feelings, she would at least have shown a little guilt for what she did once she was caught! To be honest, you will never be able to trust her again, and without trust, a relationship is as good as 6 foot under!

[annie24]

It sounds like there are more issues than this going on in your relationship. i agree that it doesn't sound good.

[RedDress]

If her motives were innocent, why did she lie about it?

 

Personally, I am more concerned about people who lie about insignificant things (she's trying to tell you it's insignificant) than big whopping things that you ligitimately have a right to be mad at (in their mind). It means you can't trust them on the most basic level. If she has to lie about things that she doesn't even think you would be mad at... what else would she lie about? Everything.

 

She acted inappropriately - but worse - she lied.

 

I think you should leave her too.

[Tanzi]

What valid reason could she possibly have for chatting on-line with other men in a sexual manner?? OK, so perhaps things aren't too well in your relationship right now, or at least from her point of view, so why didn't she approach you about this instead of chatting on-line with other men?

[StevenCapelli]

Thanks for the advice guys. Just to expand on my original post, her valid reason is relating to some rather serious psychological issues she's currently coping with. Part of me can see that this is not her and that she's just ill at the moment but the other part of me hates her for what she's done. I've never had anything like this happen to me before and I can't stop thinking about it. I don't think I've helped myself by looking at some of the messages she sent to various guys but curiosity got the better of me.

[annie24]

without knowing more about your situation, i would say that you shouldn't date someone who has some serious psychological issues they are working through. too much mess. there are plenty of sane women out there. less drama. easier for you.

[Naomi99]

Six years is a long time to be with someone to give it up for some chat sessions with a guy. Ask her if you can see it. Who is the guy? Is he someone she knows personally or just a random guy from a chatting service?

 

Guys look at porn all the time and it's rare to hear of girls leaving their guys for looking at porn.

 

Maybe she is getting attention from this person that she feels is lacking from you.

 

In any case, she should not be lying to you.

[StevenCapelli]

Well it's not just one guy, it's multiple men and she has even sent pictures of herself to them.I've done some research in the last couple of days and both myself and her think she may be suffering from bipolar.One of the symptoms of bipolar is hypersexuality and cheating seems to be a common occurrence.So I guess I'm now asking myself whether having bipolar excuses this behaviour.

[StevenCapelli]

Well it's not just one guy, it's multiple men and she has even sent pictures of herself to them.I've done some research in the last couple of days and both myself and her think she may be suffering from bipolar.One of the symptoms of bipolar is hypersexuality and cheating seems to be a common occurrence.So I guess I'm now asking myself whether having bipolar excuses this behaviour.

[annie24]

is she in treatment for her bipolar disorder? i would not date someone if they were not in treatment. i don't care if she has a disease, her behavior is not ok!