A fling overseas turned into something more, but now he won't talk to me...

[hfk]

I'll start from the beginning. I was near the end of almost 7 months overseas. I was about to head home and knew I should make the absolute most of my last week away. I was staying at a hostel in Los Angeles (I'm from Australia). I'd been there for 2 days when I went club hopping with the hostel. I wasn't looking for anything, and didn't notice anyone vying for my attention. However this cute, smart, Danish guy ended up hanging around me for quite a while, when I hadn't noticed him the whole night, despite being with our hostel group. It didn't take long before we were heatedly making out, and it felt amazing. It was just fun and exciting, and right before I headed home too, perfect way to finish the trip!

 

The next night we hung out again, flirting and laughing for hours and hours. We met up again the following day, went on a casual stroll for a few hours, and went on another club/pub crawl that night. I felt a connection, I liked him. I longed for him to like me as much as I liked him, but didn't see that being a hugely likely thing. The next night things were different. We got closer, we snuggled for over 6 hours on a couch, while talking to other people. I couldn't pay attention to the conversation, however, I was too fixated on how much I liked being entangled within his body, and have his arms around me. Later he asked me to his room, and I agreed. Things went from there, and we ended up sleeping together. The hardest thing for me, was it was my first time. He knew this, and I felt there was some compassion from his part on this. When I left a few days later, I was in high spirits everything would be ok. I had asked if we would still talk, and he had assured me - yes. I was so distraught at leaving him, but knew I had no choice. He didn't initiate any contact after this. It was always me contacting him, and for a while I accepted this. Even the fact that he didn't respond to texts. He talked if I called, but that's it. He was still travelling around, and I just felt he was busy. Until one time, he hung up on me.

 

I left him alone for 2 months, thinking maybe he thought I was simply clingy, and if that was the case I wanted to show him I COULD resist talking. 2 months later, I said hi, he responded as if NOTHING had happened, as if we hadn't not spoken in over 2 months. For the first few times we spoke, it was just as friends. Then he started making sexual comments in our chats (via facebook chat) and I was stunned at first, not expecting it. But more and more, I went along with it and he was I guess, satisfying my desires of feeling attractive, feeling like someone wanted me. Turning me on, since I haven't found anyone since being away. Only a few weeks ago, we started video-ing. I said I wanted to take it slow, because I wasn't entirely comfortable but wanted to try it out. So we did, and the last chat we got as far as both having no pants on. Still underwear, just no pants.

 

A few days later I tried to speak to him. Nothing. I didn't think anything of it, he was often 'busy' and didn't always respond, or had to leave suddenly. It was always on my terms we spoke, I always approached him, but once we spoke, he was just as eager and very keen to talk overly dirty with me. It gave me the most amazing images and fantasies in my head. I tried a few days later, and still nothing. I stupidly every hour or two after that (he was online the whole time) sent new messages, some with an emotional tone I guess trying to make him feel bad. I got nothing. Absolutely nothing. I knew he didn't have the same feelings for me, as I did for him. I knew for him it was all in good fun. I didn't expect him to just stop talking like he had last time, as I felt (while we never discussed it) I misjudged it and he just was busy, and didn't wish to have some girl he'd slept with keep hassling him and wanted space. But this time, it hurt so much more. I have been crying for days, for so many reasons.

 

I don't know WHY he just stopped talking. No answers to me. Hasn't told me a thing. Still facebook friends, and he has been online every day since. I don't know what I should do. I already asked him in my irrational messages if he was ignoring me. And then yesterday after a week I tried to talk to him, and nothing. Should I just completely shut him out and never contact him ever again? I never expected anything from this, just the satisfaction of how he made me feel. I knew one day it would just end, just didn't expect it to this soon, and like this. I had hoped I would just meet someone else. Any suggestions on why he may have acted this way? What my next steps can be? How I can get over him? If there's a chance of talking again? I don't know what to do, I am so worried we will not talk again.

 

The hardest thing is I'm heading to near where he lives very soon, to travel Europe to visit all the friends I made while living abroad, prior to the travel I did at the end of this. I will be within 30 minutes of him (he lives in a city near Copenhagen). He knows this, yet we hadn't discussed it in any way. I feel if he was just using me and wanted to just sleep with me again, he'd stay in touch right? Because he'd know he'd be getting some? That's what confuses me, as to whether it did mean more to him and the whole situation of it not purely being just about sex could have freaked him out emotionally? So many questions, and so many confused thoughts.

 

Regards,

 

Heartbroken and Confused!

[DylanNotorious]

I think you need to let him go. It was a holiday romance and nothing more. The more you try to talk to him, the more of jerk he is becoming to you.

 

You don't want or need that. I know you like him, but he's not treating you very nice, and the reality is - he lives in another country.

 

You should de-friend him off face book and if you do go traveling avoid his house. And no more videoing with him either.

 

You will get over this I promise!

[meoww]

What's wrong with this guy? He sounds like a sadist or something, watching you get all worked up online and not saying a thing! Consider it a blessing that he no longer responds to you.

 

Enjoy your trip and find someone else to hook up with : ) It could be a lot of fun! You'll eventually regret every minute you wasted on this jerk. Hugs

[greywolf]

He's not into you. Maybe when he became sexual with you online he was in between girlfriends or not getting as much sex as he usually did. Who knows? Just forget about him.

[Shaun23]

He is playing you like a fiddle! He took advantage of you knowing you will be leaving the US soon, and took his chance...... Let go, and forget he exists. Consider this a life lesson you had to learn

[realgamer]

a lot of people aren't really at the computer when facebook is connected..

He is just having a bit of fun and doesn't take you experience seriously.. He had a bit of fun with you online and then he had to get back to the real world and actually get some.

GET OFF THE COMPUTER and go out and enjoy your life. This guy is not interested in your personality. He is as good as gone.

[HappyHealing]

This must be very difficult and confusing for you, especially if he's your first. Well I have to agree with the others here in saying that in my opinion he's not into you. Sex and video was just for fun for him, nothing more. No one who wants a serious relationship would treat their partner this way.

 

If you read your written story again, you'll notice that so many times that he's been ignoring you, that's as clear as it gets. I would no longer give him the benefit of doubts (AKA: denial), move on. You deserve someone better.

[hfk]

Thanks!

 

I pretty much know all of this, I think it's just nice to have people say it to you, to actually convince yourself of it, believe it is how it is.

 

I knew it all along, I guess I was just hoping we could remain in some sort of contact. Guess not! I think I just miss the interaction, in whatever form, because he is a really interesting guy.

 

Thanks for showing compassion too, I posted this somewhere else and just got abuse...ridiculous!