Now this is an odd one...

[Numi]

Hey

 

Recently I've been thinking about cutting someone out of my life. We used to date (years ago, about 2005), and then broke up, when through a long drawn out phase of casual sex and arguments before I finally moved away (2010). But there is two things to consider with this;

 

Firstly, our history together is long and complicated, but, there is quite a lot of it that I feel responsible for. (Namely, she wasn't a psycho when we started dating/went out the first time, but after we broke up, she became increasingly self-destructive and so on. I tried to help her, but failed on every single step). Since then, I've alwas been the one she turns to when she screws things up or needs help, and I'm not sure she has someone else in that position. I'm not the person she calls when the little things go wrong, I'm the person she calls when the big things go wrong and she has no-one or no-where else to go. I don't want to take that away from her and leave her hanging.

 

Secondly, it was a D/s relationship. Not a lifestyle relationship or anything, but there was an almost constant power thing going on, and the sex very much emphasized this, even after we finished dating. For a long time, I was left still feeling very submissive to her, even when my romantic feelings had long since departed (which is kind of how we had such a long screwed up thing going on). At it's worst, I couldn't say no to her, and would feel compelled to do as she said. When I did say no, it upset something deep inside me, and I would feel very guilty and screwed up on the inside. At the moment, I don't allow myself to see this girl. Not because I don't want to or anything, but just in case there's any of that submissiveness to her left, although I seriously doubt there would be.

 

As things stand now, I don't see her, and only really have contact with her through Facebook, so there doesn't seem any real point me blocking her off. At the same time though, part of me would like to let her go. I'll always have the memories of us together, but at the same time, I don't want to take away her final call of support. However, she's not a very positive influence on my life, but also I don't want to hurt her. Also at the moment, everything is quiet, and I don't want to inspore her wrath by disappearing from her fb.

 

I'm ready to let her go, but I guess I don't know if I should, if it's valid to cut someone out like that. In many many ways, she's not the girl I loved any more, and the person she's become isn't nice or kind, or anything that the girl I loved was. But at the same time, one of the things I really value in myself is my loyalty. I swore I'd be there for her forever no matter what, and so far I have been. I dunno, maybe I'm just looking for a way to change What do people think?