Can counselling help?

[Mika]

2 nights ago my bf and i were in an argument. He hit me 2 times. The first time he got me in the head (not hard enough to cause damage). The 2nd time i put my hand up to block it and he hit my hand. Today I found out it is broken. He didnt hit me out of the blue, as both of us were getiing pretty heated, but i definitely didnt get physical. Part of me believes that he feels bad and wants help, another part of me feels like he wants help just to keep me. This is the 3rd tme something like this has happened. I wont put up with it anymore, but i do really love him and he says he wants to get help.

My fear is that counselling may not help and i will end up worse than this next time. He is very stubborn and i feel that counsellng may not be effective for him.

Has anyone ever had a si-milar experience and can counselling really help him, or is this just who he is?

[Princess123]

Third time? Counseling won't magically fix his behavior. You can't force him to change. Most men who are violent have a history of it and continue to do it. Very hard to get them to stop, there is no magical pill or spell to make them stop. My fear is that you will end up with him too long and continue the abuse, then you will be at the point where you be either afraid or too "in love" to leave him. Or you end up knocked up and he ends up mad one night and punching you in the stomach. There are a lot of consequences to a violent man.

 

Let me ask, how long have you been together? If its not long enough its just not worth it. Well being hit is never worth staying. There are plenty of men out there who will treat you good, know how to communicate without it escalating to a punch.

[Mika]

we have been together 4 years

[Numi]

He won't change hun, they don't. He's broken your hand, actually just broken your hand. What will it be next time? No matter what the argument was over, nothing is worth that. Get out while you can. Please.

[ferna3069]

honestly i dont think that counseling would help.i never hit a women before but i know that if i would of got mad and did it out of anger the first time i would of gone to therapy. if you told him your leaving him he might be doing that to keep you around. i think its time to let go

[DN]

This is not the first time and it may not be the last. You need to leave him as soon as possible as it may escalate. It may be after counseling and anger management that he may be able to control himself but the risk of worse harm to you is too great for you to take any chances.

[avman]

No, counseling cannot fix this. This isn't a marital communication problem. This is a physical violence problem. He is the one who will need treatment and until he completes his treatment you are in an extremely unsafe situation. He will be unpredictable and violence will strike out of nowhere.

 

Please leave immediately. Get yourself somewhere safe and don't fall for his begging, pleading, threats, or other forms of control. I understand you love him but personal safety must come first. You cannot love someone enough to stop them from being violent. That is something they must do completely on their own (and by the way, the prognosis is usually not very good for these people).

[luminousone]

Mika, It is not likely that counseling will help. And honestly I would not take a chance to find out! You may think that he did not injure you when he hit you in the head - well your brain could well have been injured without you even knowing - with an impact on your head, your brain may "bounce" around within your skull and hit the sides and become damaged!

 

Not only that, every time he commits an act of violence against you, he is damaging you emotionally.

 

He may be remorseful for his actions afterward. He may even "love" you, in his own twisted way. And he may even stop physically abusing you for a while, or a year or two. But you NEVER know when it will hit again... Deep in the back of your mind there will always be a little fear that he will blow up again. So, you walk on eggshells and you are very careful in your interactions in order to avoid triggering more violence.

 

Living in fear - that is not a way to live!

 

Gather up your courage and your strength, and sever your relationship with him! You may just save your life...

[thejigsup]

Oh sweetie, please get out an be safe! He may never hit you again, but most likely he will and it could be worse. You need counseling as well. Most women would leave after the first time it happened. Why are you still there? And don't say, "because I love him", that's not good enough. WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE??????