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Madly in love, was it not the right time, could it ever work?


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I don't know if this is in the correct forum, break up, healing, getting back together....sorry this is long, thank you to anyone who reads and give any thoughts or advice.


To keep it short and sweet, I was traveling abroad, sitting on a bus, made eye contact with the guy next to me, we both smiled, had a short conversation, I had to get off at the next stop, we traded email and phone numbers. A week or so after I returned home, he wrote me, we wasted no time getting into deep conversation, we could talk for hours, our personalities were astonishingly complimentary. It wasn't long before it became obvious he was falling for me, he was the most romantic, sweet, sensitive, open person I've ever met and not even a month had gone by and he told me he loved me, and he couldn't hold it back any longer despite unconventionality of the whole thing. I felt strongly for him, and we shared a mutual deep feeling of understanding and trust, but I waited to reciprocate. I was falling for him too though, it was just too remarkable , we are both particular people who take love and relationships seriously, when we were least expecting it we found this person whom we can imagine spending our life with, additionally we have an intense mutual attraction to each other's minds and also a strong sexual connection.


So in a nutshell. I fell for him hard, he adored me, and I him, and we started anticipating. We live in different countries, Who will move, where will we live, can I work there, when should we get married, we can't wait to have babies. It was wonderful, we were both very happy, I went and spent two blissful weeks with him, he came and visited me, we thought we had found our soulmate, it was meant to be, then comes the stumbling block. I am finishing my last year of grad school, he is about to move to another country for a two year masters program, at first we were both willing to drop everything and go where the other was, but there were other factors, for him to come here we would have to get married, we wanted to, but we were sensible enough to realize it had only been four months, relocating to another country takes preparation, and then the other factor, he had already put of school before for another girl whom ended up hurting him deeply, so we decided we both have to continue with our educational paths for now, it was the right thing, and if there were to be a future for us it would be more logical.


Then one day we were talking, and he said that we can't do what we are doing, being so madly in love yet separated by distance, missing each other so much it hurts, spending all our time on the phone and computer, he had been in a long distance relationship where he was hurt (same one) and he said he couldn't do it again, it isn't fair to either of us, and he loves me and cares greatly for me but we have to change the tone of our relationship and be friends. He would never want to lose me and always have me in his life at the very least as a friend, and I wanted to be his friend too, after all our love was derived from the strong friendship we formed.


What could I do? I was devastated, but I could only accept it, he was always very honest ad kind. It would have been ten months until I could have moved to be with him. We remained close, talking almost every day not as extensively, but I couldn't do it, I loved him too much and if I wasn't getting what I had before I had to break contact. It bothered me because I don't want to feel that way, I love him enough that I just want him to be happy, I want to let go, I want to move on and be the great friends we are, but it hurt too much. It has been about three weeks since I told him I couldn't be friends, about two months since the actual talk.


I am aware of the truth that we may very well never get to be together. Knowing that, is the only thing that has saddened me yet brought me to a new perspective, one where I have to let go of the past, not longing, hoping, or missing it, I am grateful that I had such a passionate experience that gave me a lot of happiness and love at the time, and I will continue my life, focusing on myself, date other people, etc. But I have a deep down feeling that we will have a chance to be together one day, we were crazy about each other, we didn't part on bad terms, and the magnetism and dynamic between us was incredible, the possibilities are there, how could we never give that an actual chance.


So what do you think? Should I completely let go of all hope, or is it okay to go with my instinct and have the smallest bit of faith that we will be together?


I'm not waiting for him by any means, for all I know somebody else could come along this week, but I know myself, and what I felt for him was very special and I know he adored every little thing about me, it was as if we had known each other our whole lives, and I don't think you find that kind connection very often in life.

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You'll never forget about him no matter what you do, so take comfort in the knowledge that he too will never forget you. There are plenty of stories about people just not being in the right place and time, but reconnecting years later and living happily ever after. Not saying this will happen, but I think it's OK to keep some hope and faith if it doesn't hold you back or make you feel bad. I think there are a lot of us that have that special one that didn't quite work out for one reason or another, and although we move on and live happy lives, we still sometimes wonder. You're in each others heart, and love knows no bounds or is constricted by time, so be happy in knowing that and continue to live you life for you now. Date, experience, be happy - and maybe in the future sometime, if things are meant to be, you two will be together again. Best of luck.

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Long distance relationships are the hardest and most taxing ever. I was in a long distance relationship with a girl who lived in San Francisco CA. I live in North East Canada, so like a 8 hour plane ride with no other option for visits. After 6-8 months of traveling, planning, expenses, she was ready to move to Canada, I couldn't accept that responsibility (probably using the wrong word here, english is my second language). I couldn't allow her to leave behind everything, her family, friends, future, etc just to be with me. So I broke it off with her. I knew I would never forgive myself if it didnt work out and it was a chance I wasn't willing to let her take. Keep in touch with the guy if you feel that strongly for him and it seems like nothing really critical happened to cause you guys to part ways (no cheating, no other person involved, etc.) and see what happens in the future. In the meantime embrace your up and coming opportunities with arms held wide. Never know what you'll find out there.

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I dont think there is much that I can add that BrokenNYC hasn't already covered: it's fine to keep up the hope as long as it's not holding you back, and, you will always have that amazing experience.


Sometimes things just dont work out due to circumstances beyond our control. Keep living your life and if it's meant to be, you guys will be able to reconnect when the time is right.

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