ExMother 2gay Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Well let me start by telling you I have cried everyday since Sept 1st..Which was the day my daughter was going to the hospital to have her labor induced and informed me that she would not be returning to my house with her baby she is 20 so that's fine, but she went on to say that her baby isn't allowed to be around me because I'm gay and her and the baby father doesn't want her in that type of environment..as if I'm letting of toxic fumes or something..well its truly shocking after I was the one that has cared for her from a baby and all threw her pregnancy ,yep cravings and all ..and we would sit for hours talking about how when she goes back to school I'm gonna watch the baby and basically me being a part of the baby life..she has since come to my home to pic up loose ends and makes it a point not to bring the baby..I'm truly hurt,confused and she is my only daughter and family ..I feel like I'm losing it..what do you think??? p.s. I sacrifice so much and it was a waste So Broken Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Is your daughters boyfriend homophobic? I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Link to comment
ExMother 2gay Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 Amongst othere things..but she questions his sexuality..thank you dont be sorry. Link to comment
Princess123 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 It wasn't a waste you got to spend time with them. Her bf sounds a tad controlling homophobic or not. You being gay isn't going to rub off on the child that is childish. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Your daughter right now is being very silly and is being introduced to these ideas by her bf. Your being gay will not "rub off" on anyone, that is ridiculous. It sounds like her bf knows very little and could be influenced by his own parents. I would just wait out and see what happens. Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I hate this types of situations. One of my cousins has 3 daughters and because her parents don't help her out much anymore she won't let her kids near them. Shes basically trying to get money out of them that they don't have. She whines saying "But you treat A and B so much better then me!" (A and B, being her sisters as example) Shes 41 years old and has been unemployed for 8 years since the last baby was born, her husband is controlling over her and the kids. Its a strange situation... As for her sisters her parents treat them all the same but they are tired of her taking their grandkids from their life for the 5th time, its just as confusing for the kids as it is for them, so they pretty much were sort of doing NC and waiting to see if she would change... Anyways sorry to hear your going through this, that is an awful and stressful situation to be in. Her boyfriend sounds very controlling and I don't think what she is doing is right. I am not sure what to say but I hope this doesn't become a permanent situation Link to comment
ExMother 2gay Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 Thank you Victoria 66 and Invisible wound ..Im thinking if i leave my wife and dont see anyone would she allow me to be in her life. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Don't leave your wife for a kid that's not yours. It's not worth it. Don't sacrifice your happiness just to appease someone who is bigoted and stupid. Seriously, please don't. Just stay with your wife, be happy, and stay out of it. It's sad not having a relationship with the child but it's certainly not the end of the world. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 This is disturbing, and I'm sorry you're in this situation. but she went on to say that her baby isn't allowed to be around me because I'm gay and her and the baby father doesn't want her in that type of environment.. If this is the way he feels, why didn't he provide a roof over her head while she was pregnant? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Thank you Victoria 66 and Invisible wound ..Im thinking if i leave my wife and dont see anyone would she allow me to be in her life. You know she might not be with this fellow for good, in fact at 20 with a baby already it has failure written it all over it. She is also being a typical 20 year old in that she thinks she knows everything. I would just wait and see what happens with her and be happy in your life. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 No, don't leave your wife! That would be totally wrong! It is very unfortunate that your daughter has allowed someone else to influence her to the point that she doesn't want you to be a part of her child's life. However, she is the one who has to experience the consequences of her decision. You should have minimal contact with her until she reconsiders. If she doesn't want you to be a grandma to her child, I would stop being a mother to her until she accepts you for who you are. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, but you can't give up who you are, because people still have issues with accepting someone who is not main stream. Giving up your relationship would send all the wrong messages and cause even more suffering for you. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 No, don't leave your wife! That would be totally wrong! It is very unfortunate that your daughter has allowed someone else to influence her to the point that she doesn't want you to be a part of her child's life. However, she is the one who has to experience the consequences of her decision. You should have minimal contact with her until she reconsiders. If she doesn't want you to be a grandma to her child, I would stop being a mother to her until she accepts you for who you are. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, but you can't give up who you are, because people still have issues with accepting someone who is not main stream. Giving up your relationship would send all the wrong messages and cause even more suffering for you. I agree, sucking up her consequences may make her think. Link to comment
ExMother 2gay Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 You all are wonderful and so quick to reply...Your right I can no longer alter my life for her..Its what I have always done i have to be strong and some how start living for myself. Thanks so much for you input.. Im new here Victoria66 is there anyway to talk one on one im very sorry about your babies..while I complain about something so minut..as a matter is it anyway to friend everyone? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I think to use the PM system, you have to have 20 posts or so I believe. They have it that way to prevent spammers. Oh thank you. What you have to say is not minute at all. Never think that. What you have to say is very heart wrenching and it must be so difficult to have your daughter acting this way. I am sorry she is. I think though after she has had to deal with a few consequences of her rudeness and insensitivity she might think a little. So do not give up yet. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 OP, just look around and offer some advice on other threads here. You'll get your post count up to 20 or so (not too much) and then you can PM anyone you want. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I just skimmed through this thread. I don't have much to add except, have you looked into laws regarding grandparent rights where you live? While it would be preferable to not have to go to court against your daughter and her husband it is one option. Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 If her boyfriend is only half of a douchebag as he sounds, then she will be back. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 The guy sounds like an idiot. Im pretty sure she's doing and saying what he wants. Just watch it play out and Im sure she'll be back tail between her legs. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Just tell her that your heart and your home are open to her and her child whenever she is ready. I would just send her a note ...It may take some time, but I guarantee you, she will come around.... chi Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Just tell her that your heart and your home are open to her and her child whenever she is ready. I would just send her a note ...It may take some time, but I guarantee you, she will come around.... chi I totally agree. She will be back and I am sure you will love to see her when she does return. Just do not let her dictate your life to you. Link to comment
Alezia Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I just skimmed through this thread. I don't have much to add except, have you looked into laws regarding grandparent rights where you live? While it would be preferable to not have to go to court against your daughter and her husband it is one option. Is there really such a thing? That would be really absurd to be honest. Especially in cases where the adults are mature and have a reason against not putting the child in proximity to the grandparents. I agree that they have no reason to withhold the child because of sexual orientation, but in cases of violent/abusive behaviour this would be dangerous. She is probably feeling quite vulnerable and going through a difficult time. She's probably succumbing to whatever the 'bf' tells her right now. Perhaps just ride this out for a little bit, and try to smooth things out with her when she has had more time to adapt with the new baby and moving out. You don't seem to indicate that your gay sexual orientation has caused issues in your mother-daughter relationship in the past. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Is there really such a thing? That would be really absurd to be honest. Especially in cases where the adults are mature and have a reason against not putting the child in proximity to the grandparents. I agree that they have no reason to withhold the child because of sexual orientation, but in cases of violent/abusive behaviour this would be dangerous. She is probably feeling quite vulnerable and going through a difficult time. She's probably succumbing to whatever the 'bf' tells her right now. Perhaps just ride this out for a little bit, and try to smooth things out with her when she has had more time to adapt with the new baby and moving out. You don't seem to indicate that your gay sexual orientation has caused issues in your mother-daughter relationship in the past. I don't know a lot about it but I do know that many states have laws regarding the rights of grandparents to see their grandchildren. It varies from state to state what you need to prove in court to get visitation rights, but, yes it does exist. Here's a link with more information: link removed Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.