I'm really confused about what to do with my life,career path&my relationship :(

[tinkerbelll]

I am a 23 yr old female from Cleveland & this is my dilemma

 

3 years ago I moved to Cleveland from my hometown NYC b/c I met a man that i fell in love with quickly, who also is a music producer, & I am a singer and he desperately wanted to work with me. We met & 2 months later I moved in with him. I'm over weight to and theres a reason Im mentioning is b/c it has to do with what im going through. SO the plan was for me to move in, get a part time job so I have some $ for me, but the main focus was to be on my losing weight and recording songs. Things didn't really work out as planed bc we were a new couple so we did a lot of lounging around and not doing much work but just being in that new lovey dovey phase where ya just wanna cuddle with eachother & just watch movies and veg all day.

 

SO the 1st few months went by & we did record my 1st 4 songs which was awesome but then I started going through alot of personal stuff with my family back home and my mind just couldn't focus on music or my weight loss. SO fast forward a year. WE ended recording more music and completed an EP but the thing is I never performed and havent done anything live bc of my weight. My bf, who is also my producer & my manager, says that he does not want me to come out as a big singer bc im not as marketable & Im too beautiful to come out big that he doesn't want me to get ripped bc of my weight, which I understand too bc I am so insecure of my weight I barely want to go anywhere. & that's a big problem I dont ever go anywhere. I been here for 3 years & I have absolutely no life. I sit at home every single night. I got laid off from my job a year ago & been collecting unemployment which has been ok bc it gave me time to finish my songs & lose 50lbs so far (I still have 60 to go ) but i never have $$ my bf pays for everything and supports me which is great but we never do anything! Except go to a movie here & there. Im just getting so anxious & fed up. WHEN I talk about things with my bf he rarely ever gets me. He always says WE WOULD BE DOING SO MUCH MORE WITH YOUR CAREER BUT YOU NEED TO GET THE REST OF YOUR WEIGHT OFF U BEFORE WE CAN DO IT & listen I'm not complaining about that bc I too feel like im way too insecure to get on stage, I sang all when I was younger & throughout highschool but I gained 100lbs once i left highschool then met him 2 years after I graduated and its been a struggle losing it since then.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy b/c LITERALLY all that is ever discussed in this house is MUSIC-WEIGHT LOSS-MUSIC-WEIGHT LOSS its like honestly, My biggest passion in the entire world is music but Im starting to not have a desire for it bc its constantly being shoved in my throat i HAVE TO DO THIS & THIS & THAT & I HAVE TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT FOR THIS & THAT Its literally like constantly being talked about. I honestly dont think we talk about anything else other then those 2 things.

 

I also am only 23!!! & I have ZERO friends ZERO social life and i sit home every nite & weekend on the computer or watching sum lame movie. Im starting to really think about what im doing and something needs to change. My boyfriends also alot older then me, hes14 yrs older then me, hes 37, so when I tell him i feel like im missing out on my 20's bc all i do is work on music, worry about working on music, lose weight, focus & worry about losing weight that its becoming overwhelming!! & He always just says OH WHAT? U WANT TO GO TO CLUBS & BE LIKE THEM DUMB GIRLS ON JERSEY SHORE & BAD GIRLS CLUB? THAT STUFF NOT IMPORTANT THIS IS! & i just feel like NO of course i dont want to be like them girls!! I just wanna have a social life instead of sitting in the house all day n night. He also says we cant really do much anyway bc he pays for everything.

 

I don't know. Then he talks about marriage & I do love him & think about it off & on I am NOT ready for marriage nor am i even sure If i want to marry him. BUT i love him so why aint I sure? I was sure, 2 years ago, that was until when I found out his real age (he kept his real age from me for 2 years, he told me he was 10 yrs younger, he looks sooo young so I believed him until I found his doctors papers with his age!) So since then I haven't really trusted him + hes so secretive with certain things, it makes me not trust him even more.

 

So pretty much I feel like I am just a caged bird that wants to spread her wings and fly!!! I love music, it is my passion my love my everything & i want to be a singer & he has the business sense, credits & savvy to get me where I want to be, also me met like it was destiny to meet, we lived 5 hours apart and we met through crazy circumstances, were both musicians, the week i met him i moved onto a street which was the same name as his 1st name!! & we share the same exact birthday! I mean so many little things happened, it was like the stars lined up for us to meet! SO the only thing thats really keeping me from not just up & going is my music. I do want to be a singer & I do want to lose the rest of my weight & most importantly I DO love this man! I just dont know what to do! I feel like life is slipping away!!

 

If you've gotten this far thank u soooo much for reading!!!! Please any advice would help. Thanks again!

 

& p.s sorry for the typos & the way I wrote. I'm just feeling super sad & typing extremely fast so I can hurry up & post this & get feedback

[sand dollar]

good luck, maybe you should just leave and forget this person

[somegirl30]

I think you should tell him how you feel.

[RedDress]

So... I guess the part I don't get is... why don't you have a job? Even a part time one? You could very much get a job, hire a personal trainer, work out 3-4 hours a day, work on your music career AND have a bit of extra money to go see a play or get away or something.

 

I think the problem is that you are living in a microcosm where all you do is think about weight loss and do music. I actually don't think the problem is him at all... How would things be different if you were with a different man?

 

I think you are looking externally for him to 'fix' your boredom. You need to find this fix from within.

[Vincent Ruiz]

It sounds like even though the path to your career is clear, you don't have the focus and the drive to get there. I personally don't believe in destiny. People aren't destined for greatness, they have to work at it. Even though some people are blessed with singing ability, it is a raw talent that must be honed and worked at to be perfected. Greatness requires hard work and the focus and drive to get to where you want to be.

 

To me, it sounds as if the relationship started really well and now it is fizzled where the only thing keeping it together is both of your needs of each other to advance your careers. He sounds more cold about it though. As a business relationship it's fine but as a romantic relationship this is not healthy at all. My advice is that you begin formulating an exit strategy and tell him how you feel. If you are feeling that your life is slipping away then that's because it is. You need to get out of the relationship and get your life back in balance.

 

If you keep doing what you've always done then you'll keep getting what you've always gotten. If you stay in your situation then you are going to keep feeling sad and it'll get worse, if you leave then you have a chance to build your life the way you want it to go. Look at leaving your present situation as the real ultimate opportunity because now you can take back control of your life. If you're worried about your career just know that you'll be fine. If you really want it bad enough then you'll work really hard for it on every aspect and you'll get to where you wanna be. It just takes time, hard work and extreme focus on the goal at hand. Good luck.