Roommate and Money issues

[QuestionHeart]

Got a roommate/friend and we have had our issues....but anyway....as far as stuff for our house, we have always just provided whatever we needed on a buy what you want basis and have never accounted for it. Now all of a sudden she sent me an email saying she would like twelve bucks this month for stuff she has bought. A lot of the stuff she is referring to is stuff that she gets for free from where she works. I admit she probably has always provided most of the supplies in our house, but I have provided a few things here and there and have never charged her for anything. Is she outta line here? I resent being charged for things that she gets for free and I resent her putting this arbitrary price on it that has nothing like a receipt to back it up because she did not actually buy it. What do you all think?

[quantumst8]

If she wants to charge you, then she needs to ask you before she buys it, unless you have some prior arbitrary agreement to share expenses in this fashion. If she just bought it under assumption without any sort of agreement, then you should tell her that it was rude and inconsiderate. The high road would probably be to give her the $12 and tell her that she needs to ask in the future. But it's certainly within your right to refuse and go that route as well.

[QuestionHeart]

She didnt buy anything special. She is just referring to our usual supplies such as soaps, etc. Again most of this she gets for free but she is now putting a price on it....

[waterfalll]

I would definitely give her the $12 and give her a pass for the rudeness (of pulling an unexpected and possibly unjustified money request on you without prior negotiation).

 

Harmony should always be prioritised, and $12 in terms of day to day household costs is nothing.

 

I suggest you take this opportunity to bring up a conversation on how household things should be paid for in the future. It's possible that she's been buying more than you're aware of and contributing more than you are. In my house, we spend about $15 a month on house stuff, and we take it out of a kitty.

 

In most houses I've lived in, we've had a kitty which we add an agreed ammount of money to each month, and which has a list on it of what the money can go on (toilet paper, cleaning gear etc). We don't bother with receipts, because everyone trusts each other, and no one has time to make sure every cent which comes out of the kitty is accounted for. But we have a check list to make sure everyone is up to date with their monthly $15 contribution.

 

I would also then ask that she discuss any other purchases with you before making them and assuming you'll contribute.

 

 

Whenever you have a housemate arrangement which has not been preceded with a good discussion of how you'll deal with day to day costs

and decision making, you're bound to be surprised by one another's actions as things come up, because it's basically an arrangement based on assumption, and assumptions are often wrong. Don't get upset when someone does something contrary to what you expected, when you never even discussed how you would do things in the first place. If you don't like something, take it as an opportunity to negotiate terms that you're both happy with.

 

People who take a super casual approach to housemate living arrangements are the ones that get all the problems later on.

[FathomFear]

Do you guys normally email each other vs. talk? That's what I found more unusual than anything else.

 

I would just give her the $12 this time but recommend that you both start keeping receipts for such charges if she's interested in starting to be more formal about sharing the expenses.

[Fudgie]

I would ask her why she is asking for money if these items are normally free.

[Mauxly]

Uhh...that stuff isn't free. She's stealing from her workplace. If and when she's caught she's gonna have a lot more money issues.

 

In my opinion, this is the best way to handle it. Give her the 12 bucks and tell her that from now on you'll be purchasing the household items and charging her half. Fair, legal, minimal drama.

[QuestionHeart]

Uhh...that stuff isn't free. She's stealing from her workplace. If and when she's caught she's gonna have a lot more money issues.

 

In my opinion, this is the best way to handle it. Give her the 12 bucks and tell her that from now on you'll be purchasing the household items and charging her half. Fair, legal, minimal drama.

 

What makes you think she will ever agree to that? She likes not paying, if anything I figure she sees this as a way to make a couple of bucks...someone asked why she would write me instead of ask, thats a good question, we are not really friends anymore (tho we act like we are) because of a prior falling out and that is also probably why she has decided to start charging me for things.

[Mauxly]

She agrees to it or she's out. It's a completely reasonable and adult solution. If she can't take it, bye-bye. If she's the lease holder, you leave. If it's joint lease its more complicated.

 

I don't really think 12 bucks is worth drama. However, I would've want to live with someone who thought stealing from work is OK. That would be a major red flag for me.

[RelaxByWater84]

You see my roomie and I we buy our own stuff like that, but we have separate bathrooms. Plus we have different likes as far as soap goes. If there is an issue we will talk it out and come to a solution.

 

BTW, are you both on a lease and does it have a buyout clause in it??

[QuestionHeart]

She agrees to it or she's out. It's a completely reasonable and adult solution. If she can't take it, bye-bye. If she's the lease holder, you leave. If it's joint lease its more complicated.

 

I don't really think 12 bucks is worth drama. However, I would've want to live with someone who thought stealing from work is OK. That would be a major red flag for me.

 

It isnt worth the drama except that I think she intends to make this a monthly thing...

[QuestionHeart]

The B**** did it again. I went ahead and paid her the $12 last month and kept my mouth shut. Now she wants me to pay again and I think the S*** is gonna hit the fan. What she fails to see is that I dont really give a crap if she provides the house with this crap or not. I dont ask her to. I resent that she chooses to provide it and then charges me for it. You see, if she didnt provide it I would just provide it for myself, or for both of us but would actually have RECEIPTS to back up any charges I insist upon. She is so nuts that I dont even feel like I can talk to her about this stuff and I know she is gonna go off on me because she is suck a wack job!!!!!

[ur02111222]

The B**** did it again. I went ahead and paid her the $12 last month and kept my mouth shut. Now she wants me to pay again and I think the S*** is gonna hit the fan. What she fails to see is that I dont really give a crap if she provides the house with this crap or not. I dont ask her to. I resent that she chooses to provide it and then charges me for it. You see, if she didnt provide it I would just provide it for myself, or for both of us but would actually have RECEIPTS to back up any charges I insist upon. She is so nuts that I dont even feel like I can talk to her about this stuff and I know she is gonna go off on me because she is suck a wack job!!!!!

 

Are you on the lease? If you aren't, I suggest you start looking ASAP for somewhere to move in January. Do not tell her until you have somewhere else secured, then give 30 day notice to the landlord that you intent to leave on blah blah blah date.

 

If you ARE on the lease, perhaps you could sublease or find a new roommate for her and have you taken off of the lease.

 

 

 

Or you can just tell her what you said above, that you don't ask her to buy these things. That it's unfair that she expects you to pay for things you don't expect her to buy. That you're willing to buy them next time if it really is such an issue. That if she thinks she can "charge" you for shared expenses, then she better show you receipts and you will pay exactly half. Be kind but be firm. She'll probably get defensive. Don't get angry. Don't raise your voice. But hold your ground. I had a semi-spat with a roommate the other day, and finally said "Can you understand why I'm upset? Do you see where I'm coming from?" And she finally stopped defending herself and understood that I had a good reason to be upset about what she'd done. But it took a couple minutes of her excuses.

 

Or, you could simply buy your own of these things and start using them. Tell her you won't use her things anymore, and ask that she kindly not use yours, and then you find somewhere else to live and get out of there!

[QuestionHeart]

Well the S*** did indeed hit the fan. HUGE fight. HUGE. She actually wanted me to move and now wants me to stay again and said she will work at resolving the issue. I am a little torn. I care about her as a human being and dont want to put her in a financial spot but I think it might be best to cut ties and leave. Is this a situation where I should put friendship first or not?????

[DylanNotorious]

If it's not working out leave. You said you guys were only being civil towards each other, so that's not enough to stay.

 

Did she stop stealing from work?