Ex keeps contacting

[violet456]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm having trouble with the ex contacting me as i have no desire to respond whatsoever.

Here's a quick history of what happened.

 

- nearly 4 months since BU, was together 4 years

- he went cold and i begged, cried, apologised, the works

- left him alone and started hanging with friends and put up heaps of photos on fb looking amazing

- he noticed and started giving me breadcrumbs

- i took the bait and we hung out and slept together (he was in a bad state, and i know its not an excuse!)

- ever since he told me sleeping together was just for comfort i shut him off completely, just one word responses to his questions

- he has told me his work life isn't great, he doesnt really eat or sleep anymore

- this week he has contacted me nearly everyday. i havent responded and he keeps contacting, the last one was at 2am this morning

''hey i know its late but i hope your not ignoring me. just want to be able to talk to you''

 

i really think i would be happy if i never saw him again, but i dont want to be rude. he has put me thru enough and although i thought i loved him the only thing that would make change my mind is if he came back telling me he couldnt live without me but i dont think that will ever happen.

 

what does he want?

[SudoMB]

My 2 cents.

 

He's in a bad place and you once accepted him back, it gave him a bit of comfort, stability, but it didn't last. He's looking for that comfort in you, and now that you're not giving it, he's getting a bit frantic, a bit desperate.

[22n32]

Considering the call was at 2am he prob wanted sex at the moment.. block his number if u want nothing to do with him..

[violet456]

i don't think it was for sex, as he is 2hours away at his parents for the weekend..

[learning2relax]

You don't know what he wants unless you give him the opportunity to tell you. The trick here is that you have to be ok with the communication and prepared if he is just reaching out and doesn't want to reconcile. If you aren't in a place to handle that, then continue to do what you are doing. If you are in a better place and can handle it, it might be a good idea to find out what it is that he wants to talk about.

 

You are asking us, when we can't answer. He is the only one that can answer the question.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He is in a bad place and wants comfort from you...he wants YOU to be HIS friend but doesn't want to be your friend...in other words, he wants to take from you but not give to you. I would tell him that he hurt you very badly and using you for comfort sex was pretty low...that you are sorry he is in a bad way but he needs to turn to others for support as he hurt you badly and you need to move on.

[puppetted]

- nearly 4 months since BU, was together 4 years

- he went cold and i begged, cried, apologised, the works

- left him alone and started hanging with friends and put up heaps of photos on fb looking amazing

- he noticed and started giving me breadcrumbs

- i took the bait and we hung out and slept together (he was in a bad state, and i know its not an excuse!)

- ever since he told me sleeping together was just for comfort i shut him off completely, just one word responses to his questions

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's good that you see all of this as a bad thing, as something you don't want to be around. It looks like you're moving in the right direction by shutting him off.

 

- he has told me his work life isn't great, he doesnt really eat or sleep anymore

 

This is probably a ploy to make you feel bad for him, so that you'll be willing to keep up contact with him. The short responses are getting to him, imo.

 

- this week he has contacted me nearly everyday. i havent responded and he keeps contacting, the last one was at 2am this morning

''hey i know its late but i hope your not ignoring me. just want to be able to talk to you''

 

If he was using you for comfort before, that's what he's attempting to do now. That saying "the simplest solution is usually the correct one" seems applicable here. I see no other reason for him to be contacting you in this manner (he's not apologizing, he's trying to get you to respond...or to feel bad enough to respond).

 

i really think i would be happy if i never saw him again, but i dont want to be rude. he has put me thru enough and although i thought i loved him the only thing that would make change my mind is if he came back telling me he couldnt live without me but i dont think that will ever happen.

 

what does he want?

 

Good for you for knowing what you want. Don't worry about being rude. You're not being rude, you're protecting yourself from a destructive situation that you have already learned from. My advice is to continue ignoring him. Eventually he will stop contacting you. It will probably take a while. Just do not answer or the contact will continue longer. I'm glad you have the strength not to respond. That can be very difficult. You're doing fine, just keep it up.

[ForumGuy]

Follow CAD's advice in post #6. If you allow him to use you........again...........it won't take long for him to feel comfy........again........and kick you to the curb........again.