lanegra Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I know people would say "just leave it alone!" but I had a child while I was in high school by a man that has now been married twice. He was not married at the time I became pregnant and never made the commitment with me and has no other kids with any of the woman from his marriages. It has now been 20 years and we have had an on and off affair. He also cheated on his first wife with me, and I stopped seeing him after a while (as I did not know he was even married!). But between all of this there was my child, whom he payed child support for until my child graduated high school. Between all of this, I had gotten married and divorced with 2 other children from my previous marriage, and never cheated on my ex husband whom cheated on me! We recently began seeing each other again, and I wanted him to spend some time, with his now 18yr old child, whom needs to learn to drive and needs a vehicle. I had given him time to see when he would be available to teach our child to drive, but usually because he works-(but not 7 days a week!) he always makes excuses, and eventually on his terms (and my hounding)he would say he will let me know something. I am tired of being docile and letting him get away with this sneaking around, with me, and go home to his wife and pretend like nothing is happening. I have been changing my life. I threatened to tell his wife just yesterday and he told me he did not like being threatened, and was very pissed off, and said I didn't know who I was messing with! I am not scared of him, and I want him to get a taste of his own medicine and also help provide my child a license and eventually a vehicle to get to and from college! What should I do? He may be thinking I am bluffing, but I gave him 1 week! Link to comment
Fudgie Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Is this deadbeat dad paying you child support? Link to comment
DN Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Is this deadbeat dad paying you child support? Apparently he did But between all of this there was my child, whom he payed child support for until my child graduated high school. I threatened to tell his wife just yesterday and he told me he did not like being threatened, and was very pissed off, and said I didn't know who I was messing with! I am not scared of him, and I want him to get a taste of his own medicine and also help provide my child a license and eventually a vehicle to get to and from college! What should I do? He may be thinking I am bluffing, but I gave him 1 week! OP - what you are suggesting doing is blackmail and could get you in serious trouble. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I apologise OP and DN, I missed that sentence in there. OP, I think it's wrong for you to blackmail him here. He has paid his dues and provided for your child. You're blackmailing him to get your son a car when he has no legal responsibility to do so. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I think that if you are not married to the father and he and you both go off and have marriages to other people, he is living up to his end by paying child support. He has fulfilled what he promised to. You cannot fault him for not being with you because that wasn't part of the agreement. If you are really seeing him romantically and not just seeing him as far as happening to see his face when he visits your son, then you need to step back, even though you don't want to hear it. Don't make your child a pawn in your bid to try to win his father's heart, which is what you are doing. Your son may not forgive you or at least have some animosity if he has a car and finds out his father didn't give it out of love, but out of blackmail. It may sour his opinion of one or both of you. If your son is 18, he can get a job and buy his own beater like we all did at that age. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 He has paid child support for 18 years which is commendable to say the least. It would be a pretty low act to go to his wife now, just because you want him to buy the child a car. If you think that by blackmailing him you'll win his heart, I think you're in for a rude shock. This will backfire badly - not only for you, but your child as well. Tread carefully. Link to comment
Betweenthebars Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I hear what other people are saying about blackmail, but I'm going out on a limb and thinking this mans wife deserves to know he is a cheater, and always has been. Link to comment
DN Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I hear what other people are saying about blackmail, but I'm going out on a limb and thinking this mans wife deserves to know he is a cheater, and always has been.That is a different issue from telling him that unless he pays out money his wife will be informed. That is blackmail and blackmail is a felony that can draw a fairly substantial prison sentence. Plus, I am never overly impressed with the moral position of someone who has an affair with a person who is married informing the spouse - had they not engaged in the affair there would be nothing to tell. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I hear what other people are saying about blackmail, but I'm going out on a limb and thinking this mans wife deserves to know he is a cheater, and always has been. Sh'es not telling her because she needs to know, she telling her because she wants to blackmail him. She obviously doesn't care because she cheated with him on his first wife too. Link to comment
Princess123 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Let's see your son is 18 I'm sure he can get a job and save up for a down payment. May take a while but he will feel good about himself that he did this. Link to comment
avman Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I hear what other people are saying about blackmail, but I'm going out on a limb and thinking this mans wife deserves to know he is a cheater, and always has been. Well you cheated with him. People in glass houses.... Why does his wife suddenly "deserve" to know? DN is right, making a threat like give me a car or I'll blow the whistle to your wife is blackmail. He paid all his child support. The 18 year old is an adult. He can buy his own car with money he earns himself. There is no obligation there to buy one for him. Let it go. Stop seeing each other as lovers and just be the parents to your son. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Well you cheated with him. People in glass houses.... Why does his wife suddenly "deserve" to know? DN is right, making a threat like give me a car or I'll blow the whistle to your wife is blackmail. He paid all his child support. The 18 year old is an adult. He can buy his own car with money he earns himself. There is no obligation there to buy one for him. Let it go. Stop seeing each other as lovers and just be the parents to your son.i agree with this, your child is 18 show him how to be responsible. he needs to get a job. black mailing him is just wrong Link to comment
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