Confused about FWB

[Primal]

Not sure where this would go

 

I met this guy, well I actually known about him for years. I'll give a brief background history. We went to school together, but I was the geeky looking girl and he was the bad boy/most popular guy running the school and sleeping around with all the pretty girls. He never once spoke to me. Anyway, about two months ago I was added to a facebook group that was about where we lived and somebody had posted ''if you knew who so & so was" and I commented lmao thats so true cause I wasn't friends with him but I knew who he was. He friend requested me later on that day. Last week he messaged me on facebook. It didn't take him long to ask if I was single and he is now & he wants to hang with me. I said we'd talk about it & I gave him my number cause I was on my way out. Anyway, he texted me and all day he was trying to get me to spend the night with him. I was tempted so I asked him if I went what would I be to him. He said he just got out a relationship and hes not ready for a new one but who knows. So I said fine I'll go. So the next day, we texted all day til I got there that night. The whole time I'm thinking typical guy blowing up my phone to get me here & watch after I won't hear from him again and he'll probably tell all his boys he hit it like I heard he did in school so I prepared myself for that. I got there and he was nothing like I expected. Really cool kept asking me if I was ok, if I wanna go out, just being real nice and I kept thinking wow this is the ass-hole I always heard about. After we had sex I told him I would have never thought this would happen and he said why and I said cause I didn't even think you knew who I was he said I seen you around but you were a freshman and I was too cool for that. I thought "LIE!" cause my best friend was a freshman & u had sex with her but I just said ''oh ok''. I didn't wanna make a big deal when me & him are nothing. On my way home in the morning, I figured well that's that. Probably won't hear from him again or unless he wants sex & I get a text & it's from him asking where was I and if I was ok. I thought what the hell wasn't expecting that. I answered back & he said text when I got home. I said ok & I did. Since then he's been texting me everyday and I've had FWB a few times before and not one has texted everyday asking "Whats up? how am I? what am I'm doing? telling me what they're doing & if I dont hear from him for a while he'll text that hes sorry hes not ignoring me hes just busy. I keep thinking why is he texting me all this. Then I told my best friend about him and she tells me that when she worked at his job he was going around telling people that she was a ho and she had sex with him and all his friends when we were in school. I know he used to call her names cause he mentioned a "ho" in that group on facebook but I had no idea who it was until I was with him & I figured out he was talking about my best friend but I thought that was over & now I hear he did that. So that just made it even more confusing. Now I don't know what to think about him.

[DylanNotorious]

You don't know what to think about him? Well I don't know what to think about you.

 

Do you randomly just sleep with guys, and why?

[Primal]

No I don't. I'm not with anybody so just cause I'm a girl I can't have a guy friend to have fun with. It's not like hes a stranger I picked up on the street. Wow and I read this was a nice place.

[Tigerfan]

He's just getting laid. He hadn't even officially "met" you yet and he's asking you to spend the night. That's all you need to know about what kind of dude he is. And he told you himself he wasn't interested in any relationship. Yeah, he may be texting a lot now, but you're the newest and latest thing to this player. Do you really want to be used for sex by this guy? I'm not sure what question you are asking, because it seems pretty straightforward to those of us that read your story. If you are ok with using each other for sex, then ok, but if you want a relationship with him, I don't think he is relationship material, unless you like getting cheated on, because he WILL do that first chance he got because that's the type guy he seems to be.

[Lester]

It is a nice place. It’s place for advice not wishful thinking and appeasement.

Your actions could easily be viewed by strangers as careless and dangerous.

 

I won’t give you advice because I feel you wouldn’t heed it anyway.

So I tell you one of my favorite stories.

 

A person was on the top of a hill when a poisonous snake asked him/her to carry him to the bottom of the hill.

Snake - Please help me. I can’t make it to the bottom of this hill without help.

Person - No you’ll bite me and I will die.

Snake - Without your help I will surely die.

Person - No you’ll bite me and then I would die.

Snake - You can trust me I’m not like that.

Person - No, I won’t, you’ll bite me.

Snake - I promise I won’t. Please help me!

This continues for a while.

Finally the person agrees and carries the snake to the bottom of the hill where he bites the person.

Person - Dying the person exclaims… you bit me!

Snake - Of course I did.

Person - Why?

I’m a snake.

[Primal]

I don't want a relationship with him at least right now I don't. Just this texting all the time AFTER he already got me there and being nice to me was confusing me. I wasn't expecting that, so I just wanted outside opinions on why is he acting like that with me & being nice when he has that rep he has.

[PaintWithLight]

No I don't. I'm not with anybody so just cause I'm a girl I can't have a guy friend to have fun with. It's not like hes a stranger I picked up on the street. Wow and I read this was a nice place.

 

This is a nice place but we do call things as we see them. I read your posting twice and it does not seem that you are in a FWB arrangement. You hooked up with a guy who now seems content to string you along. Text comments "how are you" and "are you okay" are bread and butter for the guy who wants sex but needs to fake like he gives a hoot. Actions are the thing to watch if you want to evaluate who he is as a person.

 

What you need to understand is that sex is currency. It has value among younger guys. You can forge ahead and be that "available girl who just wants to have a guy friend to have fun with" but that will not serve you well in the long run. Look at his FB, he is already tossing around the term "ho" towards a girl he has slept with in the past.

 

This guy sounds like a nasty bit of work. Please reconsider the path of easy and casual sex. Ask yourself if you are doing it for pleasure or as an attempt to validate your self-worth with guys who in the end, are really not worth the time of day. Why did you decide to sleep with this guy when you already knew he was a jerk? That was pretty reckless. Be careful!

[annie24]

Are you still friends with your best friend? Why would you sleep with a guy who slept with her?? That kind of seems against the "friend code." hmmmm...

 

This guy's just interested in sex. Texts don't mean anything. it is easy. It's not a date where he picks you up, takes you out, introduces you to his mother, etc... the kinds of things that a man who really likes you does. this is just sex.

[DylanNotorious]

Ok you said that your a girl, and your allowed to have fun with a guy. Ok I will respect that.

 

But did you expect him to treat you like crap? That makes no sense. To have fun together, you would expect him to treat you nice, and then when he does, your surprised? Again - makes no sense.

 

It's like you expect to be let down on each sexual encounter, well to me - that's not having fun.

[Primal]

Are you still friends with your best friend? Why would you sleep with a guy who slept with her?? That kind of seems against the "friend code." hmmmm...

 

This guy's just interested in sex. Texts don't mean anything. it is easy. It's not a date where he picks you up, takes you out, introduces you to his mother, etc... the kinds of things that a man who really likes you does. this is just sex.

 

Yes we are still best friends & that was the first thing I thought about but since they were never in a relationship & it was just a one time thing with them and it happened before I met her. I didn't think it was a big deal. She knows, she doesn't care. she hates him.

 

Ok you said that your a girl, and your allowed to have fun with a guy. Ok I will respect that.

 

But did you expect him to treat you like crap? That makes no sense. To have fun together, you would expect him to treat you nice, and then when he does, your surprised? Again - makes no sense.

 

It's like you expect to be let down on each sexual encounter, well to me - that's not having fun.

 

I am surprised. Maybe I am because of who he is and I was not expecting this from him and not just cause its a guy still giving me attention everyday after we had sex. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't catching feelings so soon.

[PaintWithLight]

Yes we are still best friends & that was the first thing I thought about but since they were never in a relationship & it was just a one time thing with them and it happened before I met her. I didn't think it was a big deal. She knows, she doesn't care. she hates him.

 

I am surprised. Maybe I am because of who he is and I was not expecting this from him and not just cause its a guy still giving me attention everyday after we had sex. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't catching feelings so soon.

 

I just read your initial post and it kinda made me feel sad that you let yourself be so available to him, so quickly. You really showed him that you are willing to settle for so very little from him. And now, doesn't it give you pause that he is slagging off your best friend who hates him in return. This is not a good place for you to be.... in the middle of that old bad history.

 

I would worry less about him catching feelings for you and more about the day when he turns on you too. Then he lumps you and your best friend into the same "ho" category. This guy sounds repulsive on every level. Why did you sleep with him? To prove you were not the geeky girl from high school anymore? You talk about "who he is" and his reputation but that is such small town, minor league stuff. What about who he is as a person? Does he even work? Is he going to university? Or is he just slumming and living off of his high school glory days and catching no strings sex where ever he can get it?

[Lithp]

I wouldn't think so... You slept together once, and looking at his reputation, he doesn't seem to be the relationship type.

 

Is he asking to see you more for other than sex? Does he want to take you out? Is he divulging deep secrets that he doesn't open up to others about? Also, like someone else said, feelings come with actions. Words are noises you make or letters on a screen - they have zero meaning unless they're being matched by his actions. If he starts asking you to go places with him, setting dates, taking an initiative to actually be around you for more than just some meaningless fun, the I would consider he was having feelings - but such is not the case, it seems.

 

If it's bothering you then I would ignore it - If he's just making small talk, he's probably just touching base until one of you gets the 'urge' again.

[HeartGoesOn]

I am surprised. Maybe I am because of who he is and I was not expecting this from him and not just cause its a guy still giving me attention everyday after we had sex. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't catching feelings so soon.

 

Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Sex does not equal a relationship, a relationship has to develop slowly by getting to know one another through dating, and spending time together.

 

Added to that, what are you plans if this results in a pregnancy or a STD?

[Primal]

Why did you sleep with him? To prove you were not the geeky girl from high school anymore? You talk about "who he is" and his reputation but that is such small town, minor league stuff. What about who he is as a person? Does he even work? Is he going to university? Or is he just slumming and living off of his high school glory days and catching no strings sex where ever he can get it?

 

I guess it was cause in school I always felt bad that he spoke to all my friends except me and now he was talking to me so I went with it. Yes he has a good job, has his own house, full custody of his kids so I figured he changed. But now I hear he's still dragging my friends name down. Not cool

 

 

 

Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Sex does not equal a relationship, a relationship has to develop slowly by getting to know one another through dating, and spending time together.

 

Added to that, what are you plans if this results in a pregnancy or a STD?

 

We used condoms. I'm not that crazy

[diamond78]

I have no issues with FWB situations...if it works for both parties, it's a great compromise.

 

However, I don't understand why you would even want to lay down with a guy like that, especially with a guy who treats your best friend like crap. Doesn't make sense. I think you should worry more about the intentions behind your own actions instead of his.

 

I mean it's clear he's being nice because you are just his next lay in line....I hope he doesn't go around calling you a 'ho' like he calls your best friend.

[quantumst8]

He's being nice to you so you'll be confused, as you are now, and so you'll keep coming back to him. He probably learned it's easier to use a girl for sex multiple times than to keep trying to pick up new girls.

[Primal]

I have no issues with FWB situations...if it works for both parties, it's a great compromise.

 

However, I don't understand why you would even want to lay down with a guy like that, especially with a guy who treats your best friend like crap. Doesn't make sense. I think you should worry more about the intentions behind your own actions instead of his.

 

I mean it's clear he's being nice because you are just his next lay in line....I hope he doesn't go around calling you a 'ho' like he calls your best friend.

 

I didn't know he called her that in school until after we did it, and I thought it was past kid stuff. It wasn't until last night when I told her about him that she told me how he used to torture her in school & said those things at her job. Until last night I thought he changed. Before I agreed to spend the night he gave me the I wont think bad about you, we're not in school we're adults now line & I bought it but from what I know hes never been nice to girls he just has sex with. From what I heard he hit it once and ran and talked. So that's why I'm wondering cause from how he acted before, how he's acting with me & what he did to my friend, I'm stuck on what to think about him.

[Primal]

He's being nice to you so you'll be confused, as you are now, and so you'll keep coming back to him. He probably learned it's easier to use a girl for sex multiple times than to keep trying to pick up new girls.

 

Maybe. That sucks. I wanted to believe he was a nice guy now

[annie24]

well, you know he wasn't nice when he was calling your friend names behind her back. as far as the sex, people just do what they can get away with. you two are adults, right? consenting and having sex - technically, he isn't doing anything wrong in that regard - you're going along with it.

[doyathink]

He's being nice to you so you'll be confused, as you are now, and so you'll keep coming back to him. He probably learned it's easier to use a girl for sex multiple times than to keep trying to pick up new girls.

 

Theres your answer, in a nutshell