Getting back into dating

[quantumst8]

This is mainly to just say hello. It would cool if there was a dedicated introduction area. In any case, I was on this site a few months back as quantumstate, but I couldn't remember my password. There were a couple times I wanted to post and ask for advice, but those situations have passed for now. I'm sure I'll have some dilemmas in the near future. I've been getting back into dating this year and it's been somewhat rocky. So this forum seems like a cool place to chat, ask advice, and share things.

 

Cheers,

qs

[Ms Darcy]

Hello and welcome officially! Good luck on your dating adventure and let us know how it goes.

[quantumst8]

Hello and welcome officially! Good luck on your dating adventure and let us know how it goes.

 

Thanks. I have a girl coming over this weekend to make dinner. We're suppose to go to the store Sunday night together and pick out things and then she's coming back to my place to cook. On the surface it seems like it would be a date, but I'm not sure. She might only be interested as friends. We work together so our interaction has progressed in a fairly natural manner.

[nresteiner]

Good luck man! We're pulling for you, let us know how it goes.

[quantumst8]

Alright, so the "date" is over, and as usual, I'm confused. Perhaps someone can shed some light.

 

To give you a little background, the girl that came over this evening was an international graduate student that I met a few weeks ago. We've hung out a few times since we met, including one out-of-town road trip. Her English is not bad, but every now and then she'll ask me for a word definition. I think the cultural and language barrier makes it more difficult than usual for me to gauge interest.

 

The evening started out with me picking her up at her apartment (since she doesn't have a car) and then going to the grocery store. We bought the stuff we needed to cook dinner. We came back to my apartment and got to work on making everything. Just for background noise, I thought I'd put on a movie. Since I didn't want to come off as sappy or transparent, I picked a movie a guy would usually not select on an actual date: "Aliens."

 

After we ate dinner, we sat on the sofa and continued watching the movie. Now here is the famous sofa dilemma--you're on one side, she's on the other--how do you bridge the gap without it being awkward? I really have no clue on this one and I never have, but somehow over the course of the movie, we both moved closer to the center of the sofa until our legs were touching. During the scary parts, she would freak out, turn towards me, and cover her face. But she'd never actually touch me or grab my arm. I touched her on the leg a couple times during the evening, such as when I would get up to get something or if it seemed appropriate during conversation. But she never reciprocated physical contact. Normally, I'd take this as a sign of disinterest, but her body language seemed to suggest otherwise since she always faced toward me.

 

In any case, I would like to have cuddled with her, put my arm around her, or something to that effect, but I could find no natural opportunity to do so. I mean, if she had grabbed my arm when she turned toward me during a scary part, I could have taken that as a sign to put my arm around her. But no luck there.

 

If anyone has any input, feel free to interject. But as it stands now, I really can't see any option other than to call this one a loss.

[motley802]

She is an international grad student. Where is she from? Is she from Europe? She may come from a culture where physical contact forbidden until some serious dating takes place. Ask her out again may be you'll get some direct feedback.

 

By the way, a word of advice; dont go for scary movies on first date Lot of girls hate that (I've been told my friends) Either comedy or chic flicks always work

[quantumst8]

Yeah, Eastern Europe. I'm not sure about physical contact in her culture, but she seems to take her religious beliefs seriously as she observes Ramadan.

 

I need a better movie selection here--I have less than 10 DVD's. I loaned her Amelie and City of Lost Children, but picked Aliens for the movie to watch together. I've probably got it all backwards =)