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casual relationships....

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I'm aware that it's probably too soon for me to be looking for a serious relationship since I still think a lot about my ex. But the thought of something a bit more casual does appeal. The thing is I've never been the type of person to have just casual relationships - I'm not sure how people do it! All of my relationships began because I thought this was the type of person where a serious relationship might grow out of it (regardless of how long they actually went on to last or not).


Ironically, the one exception to this is my longest relationship of three years, which is the ex I'm currently trying to get over. From my point of view it started because I though it might just be a bit of fun. I had recently recovered from my previous ex, and it was a deliberate attempt on my part to go against my nature and just try to have a bit of fun, not to go into something with too serious intentions - and it turned into the single most important relationship of my life.


Right now, even though I'm not over my ex, I do find myself being attracted to other girls. I make an effort to chat to new girls and it does help my confidence a bit, which has been completely shot to pieces. So I'm at that stage where I feel like a bit of fun would be helpful. I can also admit, bluntly speaking, that it would be nice to have some sex, as well as just the fun of hanging out regularly with someone of the opposite sex.


But I've never really had this kind of relationship. The kind where it's just relaxed, casual, both sides are ok with it not being too serious. Some people have those kinds of relationships all the time and hate how they never manage to get the next level of relationship seriousness. I'm the opposite. The relationships I have always seem to be quite meaningful. In each of my three most serious relationships, the girl always fell for me pretty hard, told me that they'd never met anyone like me or had a relationship that was so good (and they all eventually left me, ha! but I guess that's another discussion )


I'm not necessarily asking for advice on how I, specifically, should find a way of getting into a casual relationship. Maybe that's just not who I am. I'm just throwing it out there for discussion, because I can sort of feel that it might be good for me right now, if I were able to do that. I'm certainly aware that I don't want to get into anything serious, most of all out of respect for someone else. I don't want to find myself in a situation where I have to break it off with someone who's fallen for me because I'm still not over my ex. I've been on the receiving end of that and it's not nice. So this definitely isn't about "using" someone as a way of getting over my ex, I'm definitely not about that. All I'm saying is that a bit of fun would be nice, except that those types of relationships don't seem to happen for me.


For example, I recently met someone new at a dance class which I took up, we share quite a bit in common, we've hung out a little bit. We get on well, I find myself thinking about her a bit. But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want anything serious with her, because I know I'm not ready for it and therefore it wouldn't be fair on her, and deep down I think she's not my type for a long-term relationship anyway (or am I just comparing to my ex? hmmm). And at the same time, I can't really imagine just having a fling with her (even though I find myself attracted to her). It's just that in the grand scheme of things, I think I'd probably just rather make a good friend. (That's another thing I find it hard to imagine myself doing - having a fling with someone that ends without ever being too serious or either person getting too hurt, and then after it's over still being good friends with them.)


Also, I'm not placing all the emphasis on finding a new girlfriend, casual or not, as the sole way of getting over my ex. There's all sorts of stuff in my life that I've become aware of and I'm working on that's just about me, and that's all ongoing stuff. So I'm not neglecting the self-improvement side of things. I'm just talking here about this feeling for perhaps meeting someone new and having a bit of fun, a fling, whatever you want to call it, as one aspect of the process of moving on.

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People fall in casual relationships because they live the moment, they are not thinking about what's gonna happen tomorrow, or if our kids will look pretty, or if she is a keeper, or if my ex would approve it or not. Is about focusing in the present and what you have in front of you.

Is just living the moment, and letting go. Stop wondering, thinking a lot about little details. Thinking "well, I could die today so let me enjoy this".

I don't go out thinking "today I will meet the woman of my dreams", the only thing I thinks is "today I'm going to have fun!"

I'm not saying you should do the same. This sort of life style is not for everybody, and not adequate in all cultures.

Also if it's not your culture, meaning you live in a place that people are .. (I don't know how to say it, but you understand) being casual could hurt the girl's feeling, if she's not used to this sort of thing. So you also gotta be careful in that aspect. Always be honest. Say things as they are, no sugar coating.

Finally is about being spontaneous, but not careless, always letting the other person know what's up, and wearing protection. Not treating the girl as a prostitute, but as a human being. Always making her feel special and enjoying the fine moment.

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