elishax Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 hey I was on here a about 6 months ago asking for advice that i found my boyfriend of 5 years on a dating website. snooped on his emails (yes i no i shouldn;t have but there u go). anyway at the time i gave him the benefit of the doubt because there wasn't much on the profile & he hadn;t replied to any messages although he hads loads from girls. although i decided id keep an eye on it to c. ( i no this is breaking major trust but ive been burned b4 & i swore would get out right away if it ever happened again. now a few days ago i decided to look again. (terrible gf i am) hes still getting updates from the said dating website & now hes signed up to another one. same story again in fact its almost a exact replica of the first one regarding his details & all. he just has his nickname,location, age & star sign nothing else. i must also mention that these site are pacificly for people looking for no strings fun (be naughty & click to flirt they are called). I just dont no wat to do. weve been going out nearly 5 years & have a brilliant relationship otherwise, he treats me great tells me every day how much he loves me, how sexy i am, makes me feel great! I just don't no wats hes up to? why go on these sites. to top it all off i founds on his computers loads of porn sites bookmarked & a porn video..now this doesn't bother me so much i understand that this may be how he releases some stress as until recently our sex life had dwindled a bit..but now its fantastic the last few weeks.. do you think i should confront him...leave it alone....or get out quick...how do i decide? other than this he really is the perfect man...he doesn't drink, smoke go out with his mates all the time..he spends basically all his time with me..so i dont think he is physically cheating..if i had of found he had of replied to even one message on these sites i would have dumped him but its the fact he doesnt seem to have done anything on them.. i just wonder if he can hide this wat else can he be hiding from me?? sorry for such a long winded message but any advice will be really appreciated.. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferna3069 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 well the best thing you can do is confront him about it.yeah people say snooping is bad and i agree with it up to a poing. the porn thing isnt that bad unless his watching it and getting ideas to cheat.it seems kinda weird that he would be on this site. so talk to him about it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elishax Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 hi yea thanks ferna. i no i should talk to him..means telling him i read his emails tho..but thats besides the point. Just afraid to rock the boat cuz wer getting on so great hes even moving in next week. gotta be done tho i suppose or ill go mad wondering thanks x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferna3069 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 you welcome, and think about it this way, hes not living with you right now but do you really want a cheater moving in with you just to couse you more heart ache? if hes not cheating he has nothing to hide. when i was with my ex she had the password for my email and she looked at my emails, i did not mind because i had nothing to hide. its diffrent though when you start been controlling and not even letting the guy talk to a lady just because of insecurities. does this make sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Even Flow Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Reading his emails, eh? well I can tell you if I had to live with that I'd be doing much the same thing. digging through people's crap without their permission is NEVER okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elishax Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 yea that does make sense ferna thanks Even flow, neither is joining dating websites behind your gfs back...! if im being cheated on i wana know about it. like ferna says if he has nothing to hide he has nothing to worry about. i no snooping isn;t right but ill do anything it takes to protect myself from people who lie & cheat..thats wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphin Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Does he know you were burnt before? I would want to know about all this before moving in with someone and if it seriously bothers you then I can agree with you in wanting to confront him about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elishax Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 Yes seraphin he does, he also got his heart broke. he was in a 6 year relationship wit a girl he loved very much & she cheated on him..he said it was the worst thing ever & i promised him i would not cheat on him if i wanted some1 else i would let him go 1st..its just strange that he would sign up but he has never replied to any messages or even read any messages, or signed up officially(u hav to pay a fee to sign up mayb thats why he hasn;t replied u hav to pay 1st). weird! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andreea Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 My ex was also active on some porn sites while we were dating... (I just googled his nickname one day just out of curiosity and I found 6 google pages with his name so I signed up as well for one of those sites so I can read his profile and see his pictures... well, it wasn t pleasant... at least found out his hidden sexual desires as well So I broke up with him when I found out... Of course he denied that he ever contacted anybody from there, but come on??? Your profile is on several porn sites, there are 6 pages with your name!!! He was also a paying member, so I don t think it was just a curiosity, and also being active while we were dating, meanwhile telling me he could never imagine sex without a meaningful relationship... So, I guess you never know with who you are... Now it is up to you if you can accept his behavior/habit... I didn t accept it and I DON T regret that I broke up with him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapse Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 ive been burned b4 & i swore would get out right away if it ever happened again. Sweetheart, been there and done that. Went back countless times knowing the guy was doing it because he needed a lot of affirmation. This, however, does not change the effect of what they are doing - putting a profile up when you are unavailable is dishonest to the women who would see it, dishonest to you, and regardless of the reasons, a breach of trust. It's up to you how you feel about it. However, I will tell you that I got hurt repeatedly by the same person because I kept believing that he would never do it again. That he would learn how to stand on his own two feet, to handle and confront the discomfort within, and to have some effing integrity. I will tell you that he disappointed me every single time. And it was a disservice to him that I stayed with him expecting him to be anyone other than who he is. That was my bad. I wrote countless expositions, for myself and on another forum. I tried to reconcile it in my head because I did not want to leave him. I don't know *how* this kind of behavior can be acceptable. I'm sorry you are hurting. But I honestly hope that you find it in yourself - sooner rather than later - to know that you know everything you need to know about this guy. And move on. I am projecting my experience onto this, but I simply don't wish my experience on anyone else and if it can help you to see the outcome of a similar situation, and weigh the consequences of staying, then it has had some positive outcome. Think through it - has he crossed a boundary that is unforgivable? Is there any way that you will truly trust him again? If so, is he capable of that? Think hard before you stay or go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sm99 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I had a similar experience with my boyfriend... caught him emailing girls from one of those sites (the ones where you watch girls on webcams, but don't meet in person... essentially the halfway point between watching porn videos and being on a legit dating website), AND caught him talking to his ex, which he said he would stop doing. And you better believe that I confronted him!!! The thing is, it really depends on the guy... some men are extremely sensitive about their privacy being invaded. I suppose some women are too... personally I wouldnt care if my bf looked at my emails or my texts, I'm not doing anything shady so if that's what puts their mind at rest then whatever. And my boyfriend is also very laid back so he never said a word about "how dare you look through my emails" etc etc... still hasn't even changed his password for anything. But he did stop doing it after I confronted him, and I haven't checked up on his phone or email in years now because as time went on I trusted him enough to feel like I didn't need to. But I understand where you are coming from-- I was also burned before this relationship (best friend slept with my now ex-bf a looooooong time ago), so it took me a long time to establish trust. So my advice is... don't keep it to yourself and let it eat you up inside... but at the same time be prepared for him to possibly be very upset with you for looking at his emails. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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