Breakup article summary. Interesting.

[Tryptophan]

I came accross an article—breakup comes up even when doing homework relationship dissolution and the best ways of coping associated with faster healing and I thought I would share.

 

In summary, planning and problem-solving strategies to alleviate mood and current status were more effective the ways of coping that are commonly perceived as effective (avoidance and distraction). Avoidant coping was positively correlated with depression in this particular study but this is a common finding in depression-related research.

 

There were a few factors that received statistical support in terms of emergence of initial depression following a breakup. Some of these were:

 

*How much they wanted the relationship to end.

*Intensity of love for the partner

*How much their partner wanted the relationship to end

*The partner's physical attractiveness. I think this was the most shocking. A little shallow, aren't we? However, it's understandable because the partner's attractiveness must influence the person's idea of "I'm never gonna find someone like this again."

 

Women produced higher scores on active coping—as in physical expressions like crying—as well as depression, but 57.1% of the participants reported "none to minimal depression". I found this statistic shocking since I would expect that number to be higher. Women being more depressed is no surprise.

 

The sample sizes consisted of 3 waves of 583, 114, and 78, and the average relationship length was 11 months (college-aged).

 

Kept it nice and short. If you want to read the article for yourself, here's some information to find it:

 

Mearns, J. (1991). Coping with a breakup: negative mood regulation expectancies and depression following the end of a romantic relationship. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(2), 327-334. DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.60.2.327

[hausser]

 

In summary, planning and problem-solving strategies to alleviate mood and current status were more effective the ways of coping that are commonly perceived as effective (avoidance and distraction). Avoidant coping was positively correlated with depression in this particular study but this is a common finding in depression-related research.

 

 

Agree with the above actually I reckon if I had kept low contact with the ex as a friend, whilst self improving I would be at least where I am now in terms of healing and very possibly further on. The reason I say that is that now me and her walk past each other in the street, there is definatley animosity there which in a peverse way has made it harder to move on. Does make it easier to "depedestal" her however, so swings and roundabouts.

 

Good find though it seems like a subscription paper.

[Imprimatur]

Interesting information. Thanks for posting!

[Tryptophan]

I found another one the other day saying that post-breakup contact helps the dumper wean themselves off you, whereas it increased depression for the dumpee (they used the word "rejectee" and "rejector" though lol). Even the scientific method backs up NC haha. The same one also said that even if the rejectee increased emotional by commitment by being more affectionate... they still got dumped.

 

I need to find that again one of these days; I find it interesting. They're all off an online database.

[hausser]

I think this all depends on the severity of the dumpees infatuation for want of a better word. I know plenty of couples that have split, both moved on and healed and both started new relationships where they both remained in contact. Obviously these were people who both wanted to let go. I THOUGHT I did, but as much to do with social circumstance as anything else found life without her decidedly trickier.

 

I still think I would "at peace" more now if we had remained friends however superficially. NC is great for buffering the initial hurt but it does have side effects. Like making you wonder about them and provides fertile ground for cultivating resentment, at least with me.

[Tryptophan]

Yeah, the ones that stay friends are usually those "mutual" breakups in the true sense of the word but there is rarely any significant data for those enough to make a relevant generalization. Like out of all breakup-related articles I've seen, there's usually like a 4-6% rates of mutual breakups so it's a really small percentage.

 

I've remained friends with a couple of my exes but we eventually lost contact. It's when someone hurts you that you find it difficult to do it. It's strange how the mind works.

 

Maybe one day you can be friends, if that's what you want?

[hausser]

Yeah I guess, I lost a good friend in fact my best friend and only friend pretty much, as a lot of us did. Sometime in the future perhaps lol, as I wrote in another thread I may even thank her, albeit silently, for making me get off my butt and start living instead of coasting along.

 

Regards to the study, yeah I never thought of looking up those for recovery and healing.

[beacon]

I'm taking the planning/productive and problem-solving route so my recovery should be solid. I'm focusing on working a lot and getting my money the way I want it.

 

It's a lot less fun than avoidance, lol. Thanks for posting this, tryp. I'd like to read the other.

[Tryptophan]

Yeah, I figure reading this is better than feeling sorry for myself. I think it's my coping mechanism haha.

 

Well yeah avoidance is more "fun" but I think it takes longer... Productivity and problem-solving has become my way of working on my self-esteem though. I definitely feel better doing something with my life that's gonna be worth it in the long-run than doing something now to get it off my mind. Maybe a combination of both would be good.

 

If I find the other, I'll let you guys know! It was really interesting...

[ChocoBears]

I'm a little confused by avoidance vs. productivity/problem-solving. What does each entail? Does avoidance mean no contact, whereas productivity means talking things out with your ex?

[Tryptophan]

I'm a little confused by avoidance vs. productivity/problem-solving. What does each entail? Does avoidance mean no contact, whereas productivity means talking things out with your ex?

 

No! Avoidance simply means avoiding the pain overall through other means that are not productivity or problem solving. Typically, avoidance-oriented coping means doing everything but address the particular issue that's bothering you. Some of these include are drinking, dating, desperate need to be around people, or other risk-seeking behaviors.

 

Problem-solving would mean that if you are feeling a little down mood-wise, you would help yourself alleviate it through exercise, reading, release. If you know there's a problem like you're setting yourself back because you're expecting your ex to call you, then block this number. If you're looking at your ex's FB, then you would work toward deactivating it, or blocking the site.

 

Productivity mostly means self-improvement through setting goals that help you boost your self-esteem.