Catchy06 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 It's been 4-5 months since the break up. We moved to Colorado together to start a life. 1 month into the move she abandoned me. I've been taking up crap jobs that make me miserable to try to keep enough money to stay out here in hopes for reconciliation. Yesterday I left her a message telling her I don't want her to contact me anymore. Today I've packed up my things and paid off the rest of my apartment lease. Tomorrow I'm hiking to the top of the highest mountain in Colorado. Tomorrow night I'm cooking the best meal I've cooked myself. Saturday I take off for New York to be with family and friends again and restarting my life as a new recruit in the United States Air Force with some direction and honor in my life. She had it in my head that our small town was awful and we needed to move... but I think she just thinks she's better than everyone else. I can't wait to be home. Thank you ENA. This website is awesome and the people here are great. -Catchy06 Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Too bad you are leaving CO man, you're gonna miss the mountains and the snow we get here. I do wish you best of luck starting off on the right foot. GL Link to comment
lyndsaylynn Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Catchy06, your post brought tears to my eyes! Good for you on going home again and moving on. And congratulations on joining the United States Air Force. I salute you! Link to comment
carah17 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 congratulations you sound like a great guy and she is a fool good for you and best of luck Link to comment
BrokenNYC Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Catchy06 - thank you - that was truly inspirational. I'm sure this will be an amazing journey for you; Best of luck man! Link to comment
DN Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Good luck and much happiness. Link to comment
beacon Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Wow, good for you brother!! Link to comment
hausser Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 All the best dude, awesome post. What you are doing takes serious courage, that hanging on for reconcilliation is unbelivably strong force to resist. I am at the same stage timewise as you and found this very inspirational. Link to comment
Catchy06 Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 UPDATE: I'm moved back to NY. I just met with the recruiter today. I'm not quite in the shape I need to be in to qualify for the special forces position I want so I got a gym membership. As for the ex- Day 12 of no contact and though it isn't the longest we've gone, I haven't really had any urge to get in touch with her. I wanted to today after my meeting with the recruiter because the division of the USAF I'm going in deploys and works with the Army Rangers... Her brother happens to be an Army Ranger and I want email him to hear his experiences with TACP. I got along with him really well but I never got his email or phone number so I could ask him. I'm holding off. Still too soon and I don't want her to think I've opened the door for communication, especially after I told her I didn't want to be in contact. I was hired back home as a Sales manager for my step dad's company, eventually to become CEO because he's ready to retire and get out of the business. 5 months of being separated... I finally realize why she would want to leave. I was getting so controlling and insecure. She would get a text and I'd want to know who it was. She would go out with friends and I would text/call her to make sure she got back safe... but I was mostly insecure she was out flirting with guys. (Reasons being she would go out and then come back and get calls/texts from other guys... she went on a trip to NYC and came back and had a guy texting her to cook dinner together). Not a healthy relationship at all. We started dating on her 18th birthday and I was only 19. We were young. We beat the odds and made it through college... but I think she needs to being single/date other people to find out who she really is... I need to do the same. She changed a lot in the last 2 years... no where near the girl I first fell in love with. Before her I was in a 3 year relationship through high school. I've always been in serious relationships. I enjoy the connection and camaraderie and doing romantic things, but I was never really an individual. The best thing for myself is to be on my own for a while... join the Air Force or continue work for my step dad's business and figure out where I'm going in life. I hope the rest for everyone else. I'll toss in updates every few weeks to remind myself to keep going the route I'm going and check up on my progress! Peace out all! Catchy06 Link to comment
thelastsong Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 It sounds like you're making great progress in your life and taking huge steps to focus on yourself and your goals with the added bonus of objectively acknowledging problems in your past relationship (both hers and yours). My sincerest congratulations! Link to comment
purrbaby Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 Good for you, Catchy. You are putting yourself first and making your happiness a priority. Congratulations and thank you for joining the U.S. military. That's admirable. Keep doing what you're doing! Link to comment
Catchy06 Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 Man today is my first MAJOR relapse. I want to re add her on Facebook, or at least text her. It's been 20 days since I have responded to any of her attempts to talk I told her on the 8th to please no longer try to get ahold of me, I need to move on. 10th of September she left me a voicemail telling me she got a dog and her sister is having a baby (after 4 years of fertility drugs) and all of these plans she has to travel Europe. I never called back. 2 weeks no contact. She sent me an email Thursday the 22nd of September- Hey my Mom is visiting Colorado and she told me that you moved back home. Is everything alright? I'm worried about you. I'm exactly where I want to be in life and am really happy. I hope you find what you're looking for in life and I wish you the best on your next adventure. I'm going to miss you so much. I didn't respond. Saturday the 24th of September she sends an email to my mom- Hey I heard today that *ME* moved back to NY. Is he okay? I really hope everything goes well for him. I love your family so much. (I don't know what else she said, Mom just gave me the basics). I told Mom not to respond. Mom doesn't even know what to say. We've been broken up for 6 months. I'm in a slight state of depression- I'm currently in collections for a medical bill I couldn't afford and I have a misdemeanor that the Air Force may not take me with. I thought I had my life figured out... but now I'm back at square one... living at home with a population of 50 people... I don't even have a bedroom- I sleep on the couch because the room I've been given is a blanket on the floor of my sisters old baby room with storage stuff everywhere. I've been offered a job as an owner of my stepdad's company. I would do it but it would also contract me into having to stick with the company in my awful, boring, drama infested hometown. Decisions, decisions. Hope everyone else is being strong! My little moment of weakness shining through but I know it's just one more turning point toward a stronger me! Link to comment
DN Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I think you need to check out the Air Force thing and see if they will accept you. Link to comment
Catchy06 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 So... I broke NC... she sent me an email with "Car accident" in the subject so I had to open it... my heart skipped 10 beats when I read the subject. She was hit by a drunk driver while she was riding her bike at 1 am riding home from work. Stitches in her head. Fluid in her leg. She said she was brought to the emergency room by a stranger, stayed in the hospital overnight alone, woke up drugged up and terrified... she said all she could think about the whole time she was in the hospital was that she missed me and wished I could have been there with her. She got out of the hospital and took a cab home alone and her friend Tara is helping her go to the bathroom and shower... I felt so bad after that email... I had to respond that I felt awful and I hope she's taking care of herself and I'm glad her friend was there to take care of her. I don't know what else to say... all I know is this little bit of contact (After 26 days of me not responding to her) has brought me down to the floor. I took out our old pictures... read through old emails... looked at old cards we used to make each other on photoshop expressing our love... We really did get along so well when we were together. We've been broken up for 6 months. I've done so much thinking and reflecting it's insanity. I became a beta male. She became independent. We clashed like crazy. I know there's no going back to the old relationship... that's long gone. We're both growing apart. I just pray that possibly down the line I love someone and get along with someone as much as I did her. Link to comment
dabbledave Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 You can't not respond to that news, Catchy. Good people do. And you are, so you did. DD Link to comment
DN Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Anyone would have responded to that e-mail but she had no business sending it. Link to comment
Catchy06 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 She really shouldn't have sent that. I've requested 3 times now not to email me or be in contact. I definitely still love her and had to respond that I really hope she's okay. I never said I wished I could be there. I just said I hope she heals up. I was on a great track of recovery. A few moments of weakness wanting to talk to her... but I always stayed strong. It felt nice hearing "I miss you and I wished every minute in the hospital that you were there with me" like she needed me or something... but that email came 3 days ago and in my response I added "please take care of yourself" at the end meaning that I was ending the conversation. No emails after that... I want to ask her how she's feeling today, but that's no longer my business. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 That email from her was selfish --- she wanted you to be there because she was hurt, and wanted your support. Yet she has been anything but supportive of you. That you left CO w/out telling her when or why is bugging her like crazy, hence the contact w/ your family. Keep up the good work --- check w/ recruiter, don't think a misdemeanor will keep you out....best of luck w/ your future. Link to comment
Catchy06 Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Yeah... every single time I ask her to please not contact me... something else comes up where she feels the need to email me or my mom. It's driving me nuts and I'm not mean enough to tell her after this incident to please not contact me... I mean she just went through a traumatizing event and as big of a jerk as I wish I could be I have nothing but sympathy and care toward her. Link to comment
Catchy06 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 Today comes the new contact. She sent me a short text message... after 12 days... just a text message "Sending good thoughts your way". Not sure what it was about or why she felt the need to send that. I looked at the message... laughed to myself... deleted it. Haven't thought about it until about 10 minutes ago and thought about how proud I am... reading my first post... I was PATHETIC and LOST without her. No one should ever feel like this when someone has decided they don't want to be with you. I've had a few females want to hang out... and I think it would be fun... but I'm not going to date a girl until I get MY life figured out. My friend told me that my ex is writing on her previous boyfriend's wall about him going to Denver to visit her. He left her for someone else about 6 months before I started dating her... treated her like dirt... she used to complain about how big of an * * * * * * * he was. Not sure why she's trying so hard to get back with him... though I'm sure he's grown up over the last 4 years- just goes to show it doesn't matter how you treat someone- you always have that chance of getting them back someday if you both make changes. -Catchy06 Link to comment
Allipie Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 are you SURE she really DID get hit by a car? It seems like a desperate attempt to get you to talk to her after you've ignored her. Can you change your number? change your email? Stay strong. You'll get your life figured out. Save money and move someplace else! Link to comment
Catchy06 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 I told my mom about her getting in the accident. The day after her email, my mom said my ex put up a picture on facebook of her having drink at the bar. My ex then commented on her previous boyfriend's status about how he "better be getting his plane ticket soon the snows falling and the snowboarding is amazing". I don't want to have to go through Verizon and have to block her- I'm actually doing really well with the moving on process. I can actually go a whole day without thinking about her and even after hearing about the accident I felt sympathy, but I didn't over-do it with praise because that is no longer my place. I have a steady job, paycheck, I've put on 8 lbs since moving home. (I'm 5'11" and when I moved home I only weighed 145... I couldn't eat for a little while), I now hit the gym every other night and am actually already feeling stronger and feeling great about myself. (Also growing my first beard/goatee... SCORE!) I guess I'm still trying to analyze the things that she's doing. These emails and texts- I've never actually gone through the continuation of texting after I've started moving on. Usually they give up trying to be friends. I've told her flat out I don't want to be her friend and I didn't want to be in contact for the time being... and the concerns, life updates, and "good wishes" still come in. Hmmmm. Thanks for the reply AlliPie Link to comment
Catchy06 Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 Yikes... just got on facebook... the first status on my newsfeed is the guy my ex dated before me. "I've had it with this place. I'm packing all my stuff, selling my car, and moving west." Sigh... I guess it's true... he's moving to Colorado to see her. First real hurt moment in a while... Link to comment
Allipie Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Yikes... just got on facebook... the first status on my newsfeed is the guy my ex dated before me. "I've had it with this place. I'm packing all my stuff, selling my car, and moving west." Sigh... I guess it's true... he's moving to Colorado to see her. First real hurt moment in a while... psh. i wouldn't worry. She'll ruin his life and he'll probably end up leaving her as well. You are really better off without having such a destructive person in your life. and stay off facebook!!!!!!! I had blocked my ex, but then decided, what the heck, i'll just deactivate it and focus on ME. And you know what? it feels so good not having everyones business in my face. I'm really on this kick right now where I'm cutting myself off....keeping things simple. I cancelled my internet (starting on the 18th), bought a bunch of books....have a walking buddy. I froze my gym membership so I can use that money to pay off my bills faster so I can be completely debt free come winter semester. Do good things for YOU. Take care of YOU. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you will ever have. Link to comment
oO pd Oo Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Just read this whole thread and all I can say is... WOW. It's a rough one for sure and it definitely hurts me to read it. You are doing so well with it though by the sound of it. The car accident thing is a complete mindf*** (all I can say is Holy Smokes!). The fact that she is reaching out to both you and her ex means only 1 thing to me. She cannot exist on her own. A woman that cannot exist on her own is a dangerous woman. I know you love her and care about her and I know it hurts... but it sounds like she's not ready. I hate to say it, and I mean no disrespect to her, but you may be dodging a bullet here. As for Allipie's Facebook deactivation move... I did the same thing a few weeks ago--it's very liberating. Try it for awhile. If you don't like it, you can always reactivate! Good luck Catchy. I'm sorry that you are going through this, but it sounds like you've got the tools to make it through. Link to comment
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