What I've gathered over the years about relationships and myself

[Shinobie]

I have rarely been on this site for quite awhile, and i can finally say that i am truly confident and happy with myself for the first time in my life. Back when I joined, i was only 16 and this site was just starting out. I was at the worst point of my life, dropping out of high school and depressed as hell because of how everything was one big social fest for overgrown children with the mindsets of ignorant jerks who don't know a damn thing. I have always been an emotional guy because of the fact that I was raised pretty much completely by my mother and never learned how to be a man.

 

That made life difficult and made it to where I never knew how to interact with other people correctly based on how everyone thinks a guy should act. I never had that confident male d-bag attitude that most guys had or just a sense of self esteem that made people want to get to know you. No girls ever had an interest in me and thought i was always strange because of my social awkwardness. I started letting this bother me more and more over the years to the point where i hated myself so much and was so incredibly unconfident.

 

I came on here plenty to vent my frustration about life and how I felt about myself but it seemed to just make things worse. There were plenty of great people on here who were kind but when you keep coming back all it does is make you dwell on the bad all the time. There were plenty of people who made me feel even worse on here and whom i disagreed with plenty (I still do). Everyone has their own separate opinions and beliefs that they go by and that is the freedom that we're given in life, but you can't help to feel angry about certain things people say.

 

Which comes to one thing I wanted to bring up about a certain mindset people have that i ran into on this site. I felt so insecure about my virginity and felt like it was a horrible thing because certain people think that sleeping around is considered the norm and is what everyone believes, which it is not. I was constantly feeling self-conscious about things that shouldn't even matter. If someone wants to judge you for being a virgin or that your * * * * is too small then they aren't worth your time. They don't know what the heck a relationship is, they could never hope to understand what it takes, cause they aren't selfless enough.

 

There is too much of that "me" mindset in that world today, too many people trying to get what they can get out of something and not what they can give. Selfishness seems to be so prevalent in our world today, there are just so many people out there today who care so much about what they can receive. This selfishness is even for guys out there who consider themselves "nice", but don't want to date a girl that is overweight even if they are too. I have seen some guys making comments such as this on here and that is completely hypocritical and self-centered.

 

I am about 6 foot, 170 pounds, and my girlfriend is overweight. She makes me so incredibly happy and she is just so much fun. I never knew I could meet a girl that just seemed so much like me, I never would have thought she was out there. I could care less what any other person thinks about her or asks me as to why I am with her because she always puts a smile on my face. I have such a great time with her and the only thing that matters is what i feel because I am my own person. I am myself and don't follow stupid guidelines that society dictates as being correct. More people should go by that, don't limit yourself to certain restraints placed for us by what society says is right, go by what makes 'you' happy.

 

Our whole world is one big vanity-fest and I feel as if my mother placed my on the right road to see how stupid it all is. I am and have always been a nice guy and a king hearted individual, I just needed someone to help me see what I was really worth.

 

The majority of the world seems to be quite selfish and believe in sleeping around or getting what 'you' want and not giving. It doesn't create any happiness at all. All it does is create hardship and pain within many lives. Like a certain "friend" of mine growing up who had sex with a girl at a party while they were both drunk, they ended up bringing a baby girl into this world. Now the idiot works a minimum wage job and isn't even married to her, happens all the damn time. Now the poor girl has to grow up wondering as to why mommy and daddy aren't married, usually doesn't make for a happy life. This happens all the damn time for loads of reasons, usually bad. Although I do indeed know that guys cause a lot of this because guys are jerks but girls are getting to be the same as well.

 

To people who are indeed nice and kind hearted indivuals, there is nothing wrong with you if you are a virgin or never get any attention. It just seems so difficult to find someone who is in the same situation because everyone seems to be so easily caught up in the mindset that plagues our society. Guess its hard for people not to be because it is just everywhere out there. I hope everyone with pure intentions can find something, i really do, and remember there are plenty of people who probably believe the same thing but don't speak out. Basically in a nutshell, relationships are a 2 way street to me, but it seems as though too many people are too self-centered to achieve that. I'm ignorant in plenty of ways myself but I believe I do know selfish people when I see them.

[WindowTo]

It is great for you that you found happiness in life. However, in trying to get at the heart of what you are saying I don't think it is that everyone is selfish that bothers you. Everyone is inherently selfish, it is the only thing that motivates us. Even compassion and altruism exist solely because we have evolved the ability for our brains to be taught to reward us for bringing benefit to others. Whether we do things because of emotional gratification or because of some less ethereal value we will never ever do something that does not ultimately suit our intentions. I think the thing that bothers you (and indeed many of us) is that it appears that much of our culture has pushed us towards narcissism, which in turn leads us to believe that we deserve some kind of special advantage in all our dealings with other people. This is not really any more or less selfish than anything else we do (except for the connotation), it is simply an unrealistic deal to those with a rational streak who seek out a realistic exchange in relationships and everything in life. It is a set of assumptions that have been blown out of proportion perhaps from being told that we are special all their life.