nervous about meeting boyfriend's family, he's worried about seeing them again

[Miss Kitty]

I am dating a man that I starting to have very strong feelings for. He's already told me that he wants to marry me someday. I am beginning to feel the same way.

 

So, in some ways I very excited to meet his family. On the other hand, I am nervous because I've heard a lot of negative about them and I'm afraid that things may go really sour. I tend to have a temper and to really get angry when anyone insults my man. His family has really hurt him. He loves them because they're his family, but he's really nervous about seeing them again. He's having mixed feelings about the whole thing. He moved down here a few months ago because his mom drained his entire college fund (his money, not money she put in even) and lost it all gambling. He said she's always tried to steal his money his whole life. His sister and him have a strained relationship as well. He has been to jail once for ten days after they got into a big fight. She was beating up his (I believe he was 4 at the time) little nephew which Austin has practically raised himself since she hasn't been much of a mother. He tried to intervene and things got ugly. She sent me a friend request on facebook. She actually posted pictures of her husband in jail and the love letters they send back and forth from the prison! And she told me totell Austin that they're cousin was facing criminal charges which could send her to jail for 20 years.

 

I am used to interesting family dynamics, but his are crazy. His dad abandon him, so he's not coming, but the mom and sister and nephew are. I am so excited to meet his nephew because Austin talks about him all the time, but I have no idea how to deal with this rest of his family. I want things to go pleasantly. Any advice on how to handle this situation? Also on how to help him handle it since I think he was WAY more nervous than I even am.

[1m50L0nl3y]

Whatever problem he has with these women, are his. Don't play the super warrior girlfriend and give them a disapproval look, trust me it won't work. Just be yourself. And pretend you never heard anything bad about them in the first place, treat them and create your OWN opinion about them, as the individual you are. Think for yourself. And take the prejudice concept you have out of your mind. This is your boyfriend, that's his family, they are part of the "package".

By the way, that's the reason I never talk negative about my family with my girlfriends.... I want them to create their own relationship with them, without me tainting it black or rose.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Why are you worried about impressing these scumbags? I would just try to be very quiet, don't express any opinions and don't engage in any potentially volatile subjects. If he's nervous too, why are you all doing this?

[Miss Kitty]

Why are you worried about impressing these scumbags? I would just try to be very quiet, don't express any opinions and don't engage in any potentially volatile subjects. If he's nervous too, why are you all doing this?

 

Because despite the fact that they hurt him, he does still really love his family. I have enough family drama of my own, so I'd like things to go well with his family. Also, I want to meet his nephew because Austin says he's like a son to him. I also am interested to see if it can help me know where some of his habits come from. Mainly though, I am doing this to support him. They are coming down to spend Thanksgiving with him and they want to meet me. Since I can see the possiblity of his family becoming mine as well some day in the future, I really want to be as hospitable as I can.

[Miss Kitty]

Whatever problem he has with these women, are his. Don't play the super warrior girlfriend and give them a disapproval look, trust me it won't work. Just be yourself. And pretend you never heard anything bad about them in the first place, treat them and create your OWN opinion about them, as the individual you are. Think for yourself. And take the prejudice concept you have out of your mind. This is your boyfriend, that's his family, they are part of the "package".

By the way, that's the reason I never talk negative about my family with my girlfriends.... I want them to create their own relationship with them, without me tainting it black or rose.

 

That's what I was thinking. I'll just be nice and who knows, maybe I'll see the good side of them as well. Austin does still love his family despite wanting to keep his distance. So, there must be some good in them. Also, I think his mom may have a gambling addiction, so it's not like she hurt him because she just doesn't care. I have my own addictions which I am in recovery for (8 years clean and sober!) so I understand why she did that if it is an addiction. I want to try to all get along.