She texted me after 2 months

[Flywest29]

I woke up this morning to go pee, and checked my phone on the way back and there it was. Her number, not her name cause I deleted everything about her from day one. It was just small one line

 

" I Know you HATE me but I just wanted you to know that I was sorry..."

 

That's it just one small,simple line that means nothing really after the summer of hell I went through. I don't think I'll say anything at all. I admit I was shocked to see it, I didn't think I'd hear from her ever again. I can't understand why now she would send that or say anything? I wish I never received the text it makes my my mind wander, I wanted to sleep in this morning, that ain't happening now haha.

 

I am just trying to figure out why she would send this now? Me knowing her I am sure she is looking for a reaction from me, but I am trying to be strong and hold my ground here, she took so much from me, and I can't just give in now.

 

Any advice appreciated.

[mhowe]

It was to make her feel less guilty, and of course, she's looking for a response. As hard as it is, just ignore it and get back to focusing on you, not the past. Heed the advice of your tag line!!!!

[Tryptophan]

She might really mean that she was sorry, but her feelings on this matter are no longer your responsibility to consider.

 

I would say don't reply since it's probably just out of guilt.

[beacon]

It's definitely guilt and regret. She is sorry so let her keep feeling it and the best way to do that is with no response.

 

I'm having a difficult time this morning as well. She has text me twice in the last week but I haven't responded. What's crazy (absolutely crazy) is I want her to get the idea but I don't want her to at the same time. We are done, but I sometimes cling to the thought of her and pine. STOP! This non-linear progression is annoying. Swirling I am.

 

Stick to your plan, brother. Stick to your plan.

[Flywest29]

Thanks guys for the responses. It is so difficult not to want to say anything, I miss he so much even after all the sh*t she put me through. I have had this happen before with exes its usually when they are having difficulty with their relationships or broken up with current partner. Anyway I will be as strong as I can right now and ignore it. It is kind of funny that I actually feel good knowing she is thinking of me and that she feels guilty for what she did, is that wrong of me?

[Tryptophan]

No, it's not wrong at all. I imagine it's a little boost for you to know that you're on her mind. It's okay that you're finally getting your turn to shine, per se so it's normal that you would enjoy it.

[lemsip]

That sucks. But she's just feeling guilty man.

 

If there's one thing I've learnt through all this it's that actions speak louder than words. What has she done to show you she's sorry except sending a 15-word text message?

 

I too got a text from my ex last night on her birthday about something trivial. I had built up NC around that day so much that it kinda threw me.

 

I'm still at the stage that any contact from her at all, no matter how emotionally insignificant, stings me to my core.

 

Don't reply!

[mhowe]

She's not thinking of you --- she's thinking about herself. That's a big difference.

 

If you responded, you'd be on the hook --- and she'd feel even better, about herself. Please understand her reaching out is not about you.

 

Didn't mean to burst your bubble. Reality bites.

[beacon]

Please understand her reaching out is not about you.

 

Qfe .

[mhowe]

what does QFE mean?

[lemsip]

what does QFE mean?

 

haha i just googled it myself.

quoted for emphasis.

[Flywest29]

I know I won't reply. I can't even explain how hurt and how messed up I was (still am, getting better though) this summer, it was awful! I know a stupid text message means nothing.

 

Lemsip you're right that actions speak louder than words. It means f*ck all.

 

mhowe I like your opinion, you're right she is thinking of herself for sure. I know her well and I know she is dying to know that I am thinking of her and missing her and wanting some sort of reaction that I miss her (which I do) but she will never know.

 

beacon, what is Qfe? haha

 

The more I think about this the more it makes me mad actually because mhowe is right she is doing this for herself, she wants a reaction from me so bad I can feel it. Like I said I am experienced in this matter and she is either having difficulty with her current loser or they have broken up. I have taken the high road so far with this, when I found out in July that she never broke up with him and slept with me in June, I kept my mouth shut and didn't cause a scene or say a work. I will stay the course right now and maintain NC.

[beacon]

Haha, yes, that's it, "quoted for emphasis."

[Flywest29]

Damn its annoying how one stupid text can make my mind race like this.........I really wanted to sleep in today!

[Brownstone322]

I tried to look at your back story going back to 2009, but I couldn't even tell how many exes you've referenced on ENA. This current one is 10 years older than you and has three kids? Is she the same one that is/was living with another guy?

 

Man ... you need to think about your own life, not obsess over her.

[Flywest29]

I tried to look at your back story going back to 2009, but I couldn't even tell how many exes you've referenced on ENA. This current one is 10 years older than you and has three kids? Is she the same one that is/was living with another guy?

 

Man ... you need to think about your own life, not obsess over her.

 

Ya it's the one who is 10 years older with the kids. The other one who first brought me to ENA is ancient history. I met my current ex after her, she made me feel better and truly move on from my first ex.

 

I know I need to think about my own life. This was just very unexpected, I honestly thought I'd never hear from her again. Just didn't think I'd be waking up to that this morning.

[Flywest29]

And no its not the one who was living with another guy.

[Brownstone322]

And no its not the one who was living with another guy.

So what're the circumstances of this breakup?

[Flywest29]

So what're the circumstances of this breakup?

 

Well with my original ex the one who brought me to ENA. There are no circumstances anymore. She has her life and I have mine. She is single and so am I, we talk the odd time and we both forgave each other for the things we had done, and have both moved on.

[Brownstone322]

Well with my original ex the one who brought me to ENA. There are no circumstances anymore. She has her life and I have mine. She is single and so am I, we talk the odd time and we both forgave each other for the things we had done, and have both moved on.

This breakup. The current one. The one where she "knows you hate her." (And, yes, that's a barb intended to elicit a response from you, which you need to ignore until she does better than a juvenile text.)

[Flywest29]

This breakup. The current one. The one where she "knows you hate her." (And, yes, that's a barb intended to elicit a response from you, which you need to ignore until she does better than a juvenile text.)

 

Well it is a long story. I know she is bad for me, and I know this, what hurts the most is what she did to me.

 

Here is the link:

 

 

[WindowTo]

She is feeling lonely and emotional so she is empathizing with what she did to you in order to make herself feel better via your feedback. The thing I wonder when people say stuff like this is: exactly what are they sorry about, what is it that they regret that they would now decide to have done differently? Sometimes the answer to the question is far more damning than the simple word sorry might sound. The answer for example might be: I am sorry for leading you on for years when i never loved you. Well that sort of thing certainly wouldn't make you feel much better would it? So don't let her little sorry put you over the edge. And furthermore, how did they magically realize that what they did was wrong when they seemed to have no notion of it at the time?

[Flywest29]

She is feeling lonely and emotional so she is empathizing with what she did to you in order to make herself feel better via your feedback. The thing I wonder when people say stuff like this is: exactly what are they sorry about, what is it that they regret that they would now decide to have done differently? Sometimes the answer to the question is far more damning than the simple word sorry might sound. The answer for example might be: I am sorry for leading you on for years when i never loved you. Well that sort of thing certainly wouldn't make you feel much better would it? So don't let her little sorry put you over the edge. And furthermore, how did they magically realize that what they did was wrong when they seemed to have no notion of it at the time?

 

Bingo! Everything you said here is bang on!

[swann]

Agree with what the other posters have said, she is doing it for herself.

 

I see how it would kinda mess with you though. My ex would never admit anything like that. I don't expect to ever hear from her again but it would be a ego boost of some sort if she did reach out. And I can see how one would struggle somewhat about responding to it but unless they tried harder than that, I think it's best to let it go.

[Brownstone322]

Well it is a long story. I know she is bad for me, and I know this, what hurts the most is what she did to me.

 

Here is the link:

 

]

Lemme see if I have all this straight ...

 

1. You went off to Europe.

 

2. While you were away, she hooked back up with her ex (who earlier had, ironically, left her for another chick).

 

3. When you came back, she wouldn't even acknowledge your existence -- ignored repeated calls and texts.

 

4. Finally, she did reply (but only through text) to tell you she "needed to be alone." But it turns out it had nothing to do with being "alone" -- she needed to be with another guy, and she didn't have the decency to even explain what was up.

 

5. Meanwhile, she's 10 years older than you and has three kids. Talks about "making more babies."

 

Do I have all this right?

 

I try to be empathetic, I really do, but, man, you need to ignore her contact (which is all about her) same as she ignored you not so long ago. (Hell, you had to text and call her over and over just to get a lie out of her.) You do realize that she probably had a fight with Other Guy, and they'll probably have it patched up by the weekend, right? Come then, you, once again, won't exist.

 

You need to go forward and keep going. Accelerate, in fact. Eventually you'll look back and wonder what you were even thinking. And you'll probably be disgusted with yourself for acting the way you are now. You don't pine for manipulative losers like this.