Relationship status does not change the need of attention

[girlfromjersey]

Hello everyone. New to this site in hopes for some solid and sincere advice.

 

I am going to rant here...but don't even know how or where to start. I really don't know if I am ready to open up completely just yet.

I am wondering why men (not all) do not continue to be romantic, passionate, mysterious after the 1st or 2nd or 3rd year of a relationship, whether is dating or in marriage. I am lacking that feeling I had when I met my significant other. He tries, i know. Don't we all? Perhaps in his eyes i am lacking the same. I have managed to move from imagining naughty things with him, to flashbacks of a past steamy relationship, which I know is wrong at some levels, perhaps all levels but so far, those flashbacks help me, in many ways

 

I don't know how to begin addressing this situation. I need to have that feeling back. That sensation of arousal by the touch, or even a soft whisper in my ear. I need the aggressiveness, passion, and all those things that are part of our lives when we fall deeply in love.

 

This could be a silly attent to feel needed. But I am a hopeless romantic.

 

Thanks to anyone who reads this.

-from a jersey girl

[Realitynut]

I think it's called infatuation, and unfortunatley it ends after 3 months, or if you're lucky it can last a couple of years. I'ts hard to keep it going. I was still crazy about my boyfriend, not like at the beginning of course, but he met someone that could really light his fire...and I got to see the pictures that proved it....quite shocking and disgusting. Plus her money didn't hurt either....so now shes' got him, and I got nothing....

 

I don't know why people don't 'stick thru the thick and thin' like they did in the old days. They hit a rough patch and bail....before it gets so bad, can't they talk and try. You are trying by fantasizing. That's good. Tell your main squeeze that you need to feel that tingle, that electricity again. But really, I think that fades, and it just turns to good old fashioned love and caring. But guys leave you to look for that lust again....oh well...

[In the Dark]

One would think the mystery would have gone out of someone not long before the first year is over.

 

What you are describing is just how relationships go IMO.

 

This doesn't always mean your SO does not need you anymore though.

 

It's a problem when someone leaves another because of the reason.

Unfortunately there are people who do this while they are young because the opportunity for them is everywhere.

[girlfromjersey]

realitynut- Could the answer be that most men and women will just say those words because of pressure? and by those words I mean 'for better or for worse, through thick and thin as long as we both shall live.'

Maybe I should just stop fantasizing that I could get a fairy tale relationship, where the man will be so enamored with his girl that he will do absolutely everything for her. All the quirky stuff, all the silly stuff, just because we are both adults it doesn't mean that should be non-existent. M I the only one who wants that? Some people call me old fashioned, or even a nut because of it. Well, that's how I am. That's what I want and would prefer not giving up on it. Even if it means waiting for it. I am in my twenties after all, should that be considered too old for dreaming?

 

Anyways, thanks Realitynut. I appreciate your reply.

 

@ In the Dark- I wish the mystery would never go away. I agree with everything you say. I will not be the one cheating or leaving. Even if our relationship is different, I will try everything possible to keep it. This just means I have to come up with things to entice our sex life, our lives in general.

Thanks for your reply

[april15]

I feel the same way girl-fj so it is not a gender thing. Communicating, finding ways to surprise my SO, keeping myself mentally and physically healthy, and making sure my SO does not feel taken for granted are things I try to do to keep things fresh and fairy tale-ish. Any other specific or general ideas for keeping long term relationships healthy fresh and strong would be very welcome.

 

Comfort is a wonderful thing but don't let the relationship become stagnate.

[girlfromjersey]

April 15, interesting nickname if may say. Feels good having something else in common with you. Not that I would prefer it being this way. But just like the title of this website suggests- we are 'notalone'. Trying to have something working to surprise my other half. Its darn hard though, because even though I somewhat demand all the things done to me, I am a shy person so....that means I have to think out of the box. Don't matter. as soon I come up with any ideas, I will share. Would prefer pm in here but don't have that option in my account.

[jingletruck]

I've condensed the answer down into this:

 

"Passion is temporary. Logistics are forever."

[girlfromjersey]

lol jingletruck

[girlfromjersey]

Perhaps true

[Fudgie]

I don't see how you can keep "mystery" in a relationship 3+ years on. Sorry, it's not going to happen. When you are with someone that long, possibly living with them, no I don't think there is mystery anymore.

 

However, it is possible to keep romance and passion in a relationship. You need to actively work on it and not just "assume" that things are going to happen. If sex is getting stale, go online and look up new positions or foreplay techniques. Or take a small trip together, even a day one. It's important to regularly go out on fun dates and try new things together.

[girlfromjersey]

Oh men! Fudgie! You are totally right! Mystery totally over, here. But like you said, its possible to keep the romance and passion in this relationship. Its common sense so why do i need to hear it from others.

[swampyankee]

As someone who has been in a long-term relationship, raised a family, etc. and now 3 years into another, I can attest that although the infatuation does fade the mystery doesn't have to go, the passion can still be there and the affection can still be strong.

 

After my long-term marriage failed I realized - and now live by - three things that are required to have a lifelong love: adoration, admiration and respect. Hold and preserve those three things and the spark will always be there.

[hrtlsngl7]

It's a 2 way street. You can initiate all that stuff you said. If you're a hopeless romantic,...BE ROMANTIC. I bet he will reciprocate some.

[girlfromjersey]

Yes hrtlsngl7, you are right. Thanks for your time

[hrtlsngl7]

Np ;D. ..........................................