Housemate or Houseguest??

[woebegone]

Hey all, something is bothering me. My boyfriend (of ~7 years) and I are in grad school. I go over to his house on weekends because it is the only time we have to spend together these days. He lives in a house owned by his parents who are not there most of the year. Anyway, I'm finding a trend of these things happening:

 

1. I do dishes and laundry for him, which he lets pile up over the week. I don't mind this too much, except I feel like I am kind of expected to do these things. He does most of the cooking, so I should do the dishes, etc..

 

2. I get scolded for leaving my packed weekend bag in the "way". Sometimes I leave a few articles of clothing laying around. No big deal, right? He does this too with his clothing, but it irks him like crazy when I do this.

 

So basically I feel like a mixture of a housemate ("share the chores with me") and houseguest (expected to keep my things out of his way). I pretty much said, look, it can be one way or the other. If I am a HOUSEMATE to you, then helping you with dishes and laundry won't be a problem. However since we are sharing a space together, I should be able to put my things where I want to within reason. If I am a HOUSEGUEST to you, I shouldn't be expected to do your house's chores, but I will be more courteous with where I put my things and how I use your things.

 

He picked Option B, houseguest, which I am OK with, I guess. As long as it's one or the other...

 

Still frustrated and not sure how else to approach this topic. Can anyone offer some insight?

 

Thanks so much,

 

woe

[Miss Kitty]

I am shocked at how he's treating you. It's not your job to do his laundry and he should have respect for you enough that he isn't yelling at you over every little thing. If it's this bad visiting him, I'd think long and hard about whether or not you want to continue a relationship with him and someday live with this mess 24/7.

[Capricorn3]

Together 7 years and he's chosen houseguest. So, from now on, make sure you no longer do his laundry or clean up after him. Take care of your own stuff and see how it goes. Personally, I wouldn't bother visiting him anymore, but I'm weird that way, lol.

[DN]

Why are you with him if he treats you like this?

[abitbroken]

Don't do his laundry or dishes. Help with the dishes you help mess up. If you share a meal together, help with the dishes, but do not catch him up on his chores. I also suggest that on the weekends, if you can, go to his house sometimes but go to yours sometimes. Go on a date. Don't just arrive saturday morning and leave sunday night and play house all weekend. You both set the tone. I don't think you are a housemate, but at this point you aren't a houseguest either.

[Lester]

Why did you waste 7 years on this guy? I've only known him a minute and don't like him. Non-committal, un-loving jerk?

[HeartGoesOn]

Also, make it clear to him that a "house guest" sleeps in the guest room...ALONE.

[DN]

Also, make it clear to him that a "house guest" sleeps in the guest room...ALONE.

Yes, well said.