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Desperately need some help


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I seriously have no one to tak to at this point, i feel like im so lonely and alone. I hope you guys can help me out.


I was with this girl for the past 3 years (minus one year where she left me.. and then came back after a year). Before the one year breakup there use to breakups every few months, it was a non stop cycle and super emotionally straining, but I ignored it completely because I felt that I was in love. She use to emotionally abuse me because she was constantly abused at home, but I kept my patience because of that reason only that she was abused at home, she loves me she just needs to vent out her anger. She use to say stuff about my parents, my religion, my body etc etc. Anyways like I said I loved her and ignored it all, and the times when she wasn't like this, I felt very special.


Now shes left me again.. and is now with my best friend. Someone who I shared all my secrets with, someone whom i shared a room with for 2 years in university, is now with my ex. He told her and made up all these things about me and now she hates me also.


It just hurts so much when I think about this, I loved her so much and she did this to me. But I dont know WHY i feel this way. I can never come up with a god damn "Pro" about her, I can just think of all the "cons" about her but I still cant get her out of my head, and it hurts to know the betrayal both did to me.


I have so much going for me, im 21, i started a company and got invested in by one of the top tech companies in the world. BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE CRYING AND CRYING BECAUSE OF THIS I just dont know what to do. I see couples everywhere and I just want to be with her.


Someone please help me.

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I don't think you want to be with HER, I think you just want to be with SOMEONE. I'm sort of in the same boat, was with a guy for three years and he dumped me this weekend.He has broken up with me several times and it has become like a cycle, each time I go back because I loved him so much. I made a HUGE cons list and that list was endless. However I still can't stop crying and crying. sometimes you have to cry to let it all out. I'm very sorry this happened to you, it is such a huge betrayal by your friend and your ex. It is very normal to be upset though,this is someone you spent years with and like me, you were probably very attached. it will be very hard to get back into the swing of things and learn to be on your own. I'm just starting the process myself so I don't know how the healing process will go, but know that you are not alone here! this forum has been SO helpful to me this week. Just keep thinking about those cons and realize you deserve better!

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Ur time will come... Sounds like u have a great start. She was immature and didn't relize what she had.. one day when she is older 24-28 she will relize what she had..


Take the experience u learned from her and move forward. remember her for the good and love her from far away..


Don't try to make sense of it. Drive urself crazy.. know u were better in the Rel and u loved her, but she has issues she needs to work thru..

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@Ellene - I really think thats the reason, I just want to be with someone and because I got use to her so much I feel like just being with her. Thanks for your advice, I hope things get better for you too. Im glad this forum is working, seems like I made the right choice in coming here.


@Hollyj - My family dynamic is very good. My parents are proboly the most coolest parents, they support me in every way and we help each other out every step of the way. Were a very small family, just 4 of us, parents and brothers. No aunts, uncles etc. I just felt very close to the girl, mentally I thought I was going to get married to her, even though I knew it felt wrong because of the way she was. I just have/had a lot of patience with her.

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You need to embrace your single status and when you are reminded about her just keep focusing on all those Cons. She sounds like a very unstable person. No matter how hard you try you will never be happy with this girl. You are going to be soooooo better off without her. Celebrate, thank god she is no longer in your life and pity that poor bastard she is with now. Believe me/.....he is most likely in for the same hell you've been living for the past 3 years.

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Lots of good advice here for you. Embrace what you are and what you have. If you are in need of a relationship, then try your hardest to be patient and wait until you meet that special someone who will take you to cloud 9, 10 and beyond. You seem to be young and willing to enjoy life. Believe me, you will find her. Sending positive vibes to ya


-Jenie from Jersey

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Thank you Aporia and Jenie for your advice. Aporia you are right, the only time I was actually happy with her is when we were being intimate at nights. Other then that, it was always complaining and trying to change me. Get muscles, get braces, get this , get that. why do you wear clothes like that, why do you do this. I wear clothes like how it is in the picture (thats me).


She use to say how no girl would bother with me because im so ugly but shes with me because she loves me.


Then she never let me go watch movies , so I had to constantly lie to her abut where im going. if she found out I went to go watch a move, she would google the actress in the movie, and just start saying filthy stuff about me about what Im doing with the actresses picture.


Ironically, not a day went by when I didn't say I love you, or say she's beautiful to me.


On her last birthday, she told me not to get her anything because she wont be able to take the gift home , so I found a template of a card and printed it out with a small message saying "your the best in the world, stay smiling always. Happy Birthday.. When I met her and gave it to her, she ripped up my card saying how she's disappointed and how I dont love her and all this, crumbled it up.


The guy she left me for, my best friend didnt even tell me and ended up giving her a blackberry phone.


This obviously ended up coming to bite me in the ass . 1 month later when the breakup was to happen she started to bring this up, saying how I dont love her or care for her anymore. I get her stupid cards as birthday presents, and so i was like but you told me not to since you cant take it home, and she goes well I could have made up something , if you really cared about me you would have gotten me something. Look at xyz (guy who got her blackberry), he got me a phone.



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Poppa, what a great post! I see some BPD traits in my ex, along with some NPD traits... You seem to be really knowledgeble on these matters, have you got any posts about BPD - NPD differences?


I also want to send lots of hugs to the original poster... I don't know what my ex has exactly (went to counselling together, then when the counsellor wanted to see us separate I kept going and he never went back, he denies having any problems) However I'm SURE he has some sort of personality disorder.


The break up is horrible and make you go insane with sadness, anger and frustration. I even considered suicide and if it wasn't because I just lost my dad and my mum would go crazy I probably would have attempted it.

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Thanks for the info Poppa! I find it really hard to wrap my head around it since my ex seems to have traits from both disorders, and I agree with you that they might both come from the underlying problems. NPD seems to be stronger though...


He broke up with me and seems to be just fine, presenting himself to the outside world as perfectly amazing and making me out to be the crazy one that is at fault for what has happened.


I love him, but I think part of me is giving up... he thinks there's hotter smarter women out there for him and wants to explore the single life now... let another woman with his baggage then!


Do you think the original poster's ex might have some of those traits as well? What he was talking about really felt quite similar...

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