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I have to make a decision, should I break up with him?


Voguester

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I've been with my long distance boyfriend for 3 years now, we have met in person and it was amazing however we live in different countries.

 

We probably talk to each other for 4 hours every day except on weekends, there's a timezone difference of 8 hours but it hasn't really been a huge issue in the past.

 

Now he's suddenly saying that the communication has to stop, that he needs this time to focus more on himself and where he's going in his life (he's currently unemployed). He says we can still write to each other though, send emails and offline IMs etc.

 

This is pretty strange to me because he spends his days reading, listening and playing music, watching tv and constantly telling me about sports events he's going to or has been to. It's not like this is the schedule of a busy man.

 

I'm at a real crossroads now because I was planning on moving to his country next year to be with him which he has supported and says hes looking forward to it etc but when I mention it the other day he says that I shouldn't be doing this for him, that he's not worth it.

 

I told him that I don't know if this little communication for the next 5 months is going to work and he's said it's my choice and to let him know what I decide.

 

It's sad because I'm sure I'm not the only one who was in love here, we're so great together and I've never felt this way about anyone else.

 

What do you think I should do?

 

I've thought about not contacting him for a couple of weeks, give him what he wants and this no-contact business...I have a feeling that he would be pretty shocked if I disappeared for a while. I just feel like w.t.f I am being used here.

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Honestly.

 

I feel that one of the MAJOR selling points of a relationship is intimacy, physical and emotional. An indefinite long-distance relationship cannot fulfill this intimacy, and you're missing out on a lot, and I mean a lot. I'm not just talking sex and cuddling and hand holding and that stuff. I'm talking about making your boyfriend laugh, and admiring his smile, and all of those things that you really need to be around him for.

 

Since this guy has nixed the possibility of you moving to be with him, I'd cut him loose and find someone that I can actually see. I know that this isn't easy, when you've invested over three years in someone, but it's for the best imo.

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I hate to say this, but do you think he's found someone else he is interested in? This could possibly be at the root of his not wanting to receive phone calls... as in, he doesn't want to receive them when someone else is there.

 

Mind you, where he isn't working, he may have decided that he needs to get his rear end in gear and start focusing on where he is going in life, try to get work, etc. You can hope that anyway. Mind you, he may also be facing the reality of you moving there next year, and not be ready for that. A distance girlfriend might be as far as he is willing to go with a relationship.

 

Whatever the case, you really, really need to speak with him and get to the bottom of why he wants more time out. Ask him what he plans to do with the time he is not using to spend with you. Find out whether the proposed move bothers him, etc. You need more information before you can make an educated decision. I don't think you should dump this relationship without finding out more information, as you have invested a very significant amount of time and energy into it. However, if he doesn't give more information, I would advise you to seriously consider whether you are willing to move accross the world for someone who isn't willing to even speak with you, or even remain in a relationship with him (as a non-speaking distance relationship simply isn't enough).

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The whole thing about you guys talking often and as much can become really routinely. It requires a lot of dedication, and not a lot of people are set up for that. Just because he isn't a busy mean it doesn't mean he isn't planning on being one. It's good that he's actually thinking about the future for himself, though unfortunate for you because you're in it.

 

With that said, I believe this is too much time you could also be spending in yourself. LDRs aren't nearly as fulfilling as a regular relationship, and if there's one half-***ing the relationship, it is even less so.

 

I actually think it's a good decision for both of you.

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I would give this "relationship" a lot of thought before you go trapsing off to live in another country. He really does not seem to be enthralled with the idea either. One thing you need to consider is that he may be a commitment phobe. That works with a long distance relationship.  If he is a commintment phobe and you move to his country just for him, heaven help you! You don't really know him.........

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