22n32 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 She will call every other day, i never contact her.. she will talk to me, call me her pet names, tell me she loves me.. its kinda cruel.. she was telling me about her guy friends who were her ex 2-4yrs ago.. she tells me that there just friends, she is not attracted to them.. and even said i cant believe i ever thought this guys were attractive.. I love her and i know she needs her time.. and i wanna be non chalant.. but what does she want from me.. keep me close. or try to slowly drift away from me???? Link to comment
Smile12 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I'll be honest with you - she is just trying to keep you close, in case nothing better comes along. She is basically keeping you on the back burner, so regardless, she knows she will not ever be alone. I'm sorry. Link to comment
listed Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 you don't need her, cut her loose Link to comment
camus154 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 If you think it's cruel, then why are you playing the role of a victim? Quit answering her phone calls. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Someone on this site once compared the post break up period to be like pulling an electric plug from the wall. Its easier to loosen it, rather than just yank it from the wall. Either a person wants someone, or they don't. Maybe = no. Please do not confuse her weening herself off of you as hope for a future relationship. Sounds like you were pretty good to her, so its hard for her to let go. I can almost guarantee you if you started to call her everyday she would back off. If you keep ignoring her she will keep giving you crumbs. I would and have found this very frustrating. Why don't you call the shots and stop picking up the phone? Put an end to this game. You're gonna feel great! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I love her and i know she needs her time.. and i wanna be non chalant.. but what does she want from me.. keep me close. or try to slowly drift away from me???? And, that time doesn't involve you. If she wanted to be with you, she would, there is no hidden message here. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 I talked to her, and told her listen I can't keep talking to u because we love eachother.. but were single, and u love me but wanna keep me around for whatever.. then when someone comes along.. u have no obligation to me and u can do whatever.. Told her u know I love u and what we have together is great.. and its best if were not in a Rel at yhe moment.. but for us to be together right, we would have to start at least dating and being intimate with eachother.. but I'm not just gonna be ur friend it will never work.. I've told her many times I won't just be her friend.. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 You need to go NC. If she loved you she would be with you. Period! Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 You need to go NC. If she loved you she would be with you. Period! I understand, but its a little more complicated then that.. I know she loves me, but she also has issues with her and her life, that I can't help with. She need..s to work thru em herself like we all do in life at one point or another.. But I .know what ur saying. Love should conquer all.. but life and reality is not always a fairy tale movie.. If I love someone. I would stand by em no matter what.. but I have worked thru major issues in my life.. I couldn't always say I would of.. sometimes we come first no matter how much we love our partner.. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Love is really insanely simple. People, in general, like to make things way more complicated then they really to justify their own actions or the actions of someone they care about. So, she has issues going on in her life. Who doesn't? Either she wants to be in a relationship with you and work for it or she doesn't. Link to comment
catcountry Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 And, that time doesn't involve you. If she wanted to be with you, she would, there is no hidden message here. 22......she's got you buy the balls man. It is time to stop the contact. Delete text messages, delete voice mails.... Like heart said......she would be there if she wanted you enough. Please don't let her get to you like that. Move on...without her presence. It may be hard now but, in the future you will be greatfull. Best to you! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I understand, but its a little more complicated then that.. I know she loves me, but she also has issues with her and her life, that I can't help with. She need..s to work thru em herself like we all do in life at one point or another.. But I .know what ur saying. Love should conquer all.. but life and reality is not always a fairy tale movie.. If I love someone. I would stand by em no matter what.. but I have worked thru major issues in my life.. I couldn't always say I would of.. sometimes we come first no matter how much we love our partner.. This has nothing to do with a fairy tale movie. There is nothing fairy tale by staying with the person you love. Please stop making excuses for her behavior. The faster you accept the demise of relationship, the easier it will be to move on. Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I understand, but its a little more complicated then that.. No, it's not. This roller coaster you choose to stay on has been going on since, what... November of last year? And over that time you've started almost sixty threads relating to basically the same craziness you're still engaged in. What did the vast majority of replies suggest you do, and what has been predicted would happen if you didn't take that advice seriously enough to follow it? And where are you now? Let her go and get yourself back, man. Seriously. If you don't, you'll be here a year from now still struggling. Is that what you want? Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 It's not exuses.. just reality.. i know how she treats me good and bad.. and typical bad things are common immature acts she pulls.. She doesn't have me my the balls.. I never contact her, I'm the one who called her and told her not gonna let u play me.. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 No, it's not. This roller coaster you choose to stay on has been going on since, what... November of last year? And over that time you've started almost sixty threads relating to basically the same craziness you're still engaged in. What did the vast majority of replies suggest you do, and what has been predicted would happen if you didn't take that advice seriously enough to follow it? And where are you now? This started.. 2.5 weeks ago.. Jan to Feb we were broken up.. then we were together 1.5yr before then.. Nothing crazy really going on.. just talking, hanging out and making my next move.. I went nc. The day we broke up and I never called her. I know what her issues are.. and I'm adjusting my life were I want it too be with out her.. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 It's not exuses.. just reality.. i know how she treats me good and bad.. and typical bad things are common immature acts she pulls.. She doesn't have me my the balls.. I never contact her, I'm the one who called her and told her not gonna let u play me.. She does have you by "the balls" because you are still there for her. You came to the site for advice and we have all said the same thing. I don't understand what you want to hear, because you continue to come back with excuses. Once again, if she wanted to be with you, she would. Actions always speak louder than words! Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 She does have you by "the balls" because you are still there for her. You came to the site for advice and we have all said the same thing. I don't understand what you want to hear, because you continue to come back with excuses. Once again, if she wanted to be with you, she would. Actions always speak louder than words! I'm there for her because I'm nice.. I don't play games to get what I want.. I talked to her 3 times since we broke up.. she doesn't give me my self worth.. I do what I want when I want it. I'm in control of my life.. I talked to her to get a better understanding of her actions and feeling towards us.. and I stood up for even possible playing me.. she respected it and knows I never took or stood by anything like that. I've let her go she knows it, but she hasn't let go so far.. maybe me calling her out on it will change that.. Understand what ur saying and for general seceniro it works.. were a little more complicated then that.. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 She is having her emotional needs meet by with with out any of the worked required for a relationship. To put it bluntly, she is using you and you are allowing yourself to be treated this way. Claiming she cannot be with your right now being she has "issues" going on in her life is making an excuse for her behavior. She can't be with you but find the time to call and tell you about her life????? I am going to be very blunt here: You need to get self-respect and a backbone. Don't let yourself be treated this way. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I'm there for her because I'm nice.. Sorry, but in most cases "nice" equates to doormat. If you're not looking out for your own interests and putting her first, there is a problem. You came to this site because you were upset about the contact. Now you're contradicting yourself. Link to comment
stoker Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 She dumped you, she calls you, she treats you cruely and you admit all of this, but you let her do this because you're "nice". Yeah ok Look at yourself in the mirror and try to convince yourself you are doing it for any other reason other than desperation to get her back and see if you can do it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Believe me, your situation is not unique. Human behavior does not work that way. I found that people who believe that their relationship is unique-myself included-do so so that they can hold on to a non-existent relationship. It is what it is. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 She is having her emotional needs meet by with with out any of the worked required for a relationship. To put it bluntly, she is using you and you are allowing yourself to be treated this way. Claiming she cannot be with your right now being she has "issues" going on in her life is making an excuse for her behavior. She can't be with you but find the time to call and tell you about her life????? I am going to be very blunt here: You need to get self-respect and a backbone. Don't let yourself be treated this way. Appricate ur advise I know this why I called her out on it.. we had 2 5min convo, and meet up once.. not exactly being there for her in 2.5 weeks.. I never called her.. I have self respect and backbone.. if I didn't never had the balls to meet up and be the bigger person and let what we had come out again.. and if u wanna walk on that. Have a nice life.. I told her I'm not gonna be her comfy buddy. That includes sex.. that and emotional and she is still free till she feels its okay to lockdown.. she is a committee phope. When I come on here. I'm not devested, depressed.. just sharing the journey, some might relate too.. It's all good. We both love eachother.. but. I have let her go in my mind.. my heart still feels her love.. its all up to her she knows it.. and I'm not standing around half a$$.. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 It isn't the same lady who brought you here is it? Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 And like I said to her. I wouldn't wanna be back with her fully.. I didn't do all this to get her back at all. I did because I love her. And she's not gonna cut me down in any form.. I'm a stronger man then that.. but I love her enough to be there and take the pain and be okay.. as long as she knows I know when she might even try to play me and its all or nothing.. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Time to love yourself more. My ex was also a CP. These people do not change unless they want to change. Link to comment
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