Need insight

[Sanity]

So I posted previously about my circumstances. Long story short, my ex is older. Shes 24 and I'm 21. Dated for half a year but broke up because of age difference and I didn't want to ruin her future as my parents warned me about marriage and told me to see how things go. We stayed in love but it was complicated. A year after breaking, July, we had a big argument and didn't talk for two weeks which was when a new guy entered the picture. He was there for her when she was very hurt over the argument. When I apologised to her 2 weeks later, I realised something was wrong. This new guy scolded me on facebook in which I confronted her saying why the hell did our personal matter involve another guy. This guy said he was her bf and asked me to lay off her. I asked her and she denied it. She started crying and saying she still loved me very much but thought that our argument was the last straw. So I forgave her, we continued to communicate from late July. She slowly distant herself from me. 11 August, on her facebook showed shes in a relationship with him with pictures of them kissing, wearing rings and progressing really fast. Constant facebook wall posts. I did not know this until my friend told it to me. Did not know they progressed so fast until my friend showed me her wall 2 days ago.

 

So, 15th august Monday, I told her that I had been pushing her away because of that and hope she made the right choice. At this point I did not know they were already IN the relationship, thought it was courtship. On the Wednesday after she posted how much she missed me on her blog, to the point of tears. I made the mistake of contacting her and telling her not to cry and that I'm fine as I didn't know they went that far.

 

So, do you think this is a rebound?

1) Hes only 18, and he said he would quit smoking for her, and bought her a ring

2) Hes immature and definitely not her type, she just graduated and starts teaching next week while he is a college drop out

3) She said she missed me several days after she started the relationship with him

4) She had just met him and only started talking to him after I argued with her. He said it was 'love at first sight'. She told me she didn't have a good first impression on him

5) She is very emotional and goes by emotion, this guy is good at sweet talking and she was vulnerable from our argument

6) 27th July she told me not to delete her from my life, then 2 weeks later in a relationship with a man that is 'flawless' whom she met through a mutual friend a month before.

 

I know they won't last with all these circumstances and I should actually hate her for leading me on. But it surprised me that their relationship progressed so quickly. This guy is a LDR and she met him for 3 days and already started kissing and in a r/s. She tells me he is flawless from only knowing him for a month prior to relationship.

[camus154]

Ah, dear Facebook, how I hate thee.

 

1) It doesn't matter.

2) It doesn't matter.

3) It doesn't matter.

4) It doesn't matter.

5) It doesn't matter.

6) It doesn't matter.

 

It's a bit unclear whether the two of you were actually broken up when this guy came into the picture, but again, it doesn't matter. (EDIT: nevermind, I missed how the two of you were broken up for a year or so when this happened.)

 

She went from you to another guy. That should be all the info you need to move on.

[waterlilly]

she's 24 and he is 18.....that is gross to me. By 24 I had a kid, was married, was buying land. An 18 year old would seem like a child.

Oh course she is flying by emotion, of course he is a rebound.

one thing that is not clear is do you want a relationship with her? I wouldn't now that she has been physical with someone else. Go no contact now. If she wants you back, she would need to cut it off with him, be alone for a bit and get her emotions grounded.

[Sanity]

That is true. Even we did not know what was happening, whether we actually broke. We just stayed in love and did everything couples do.

 

I know it doesn't matter but guess I needed someone to actually tell that to me. Funnily I am the one people consult about r/s issues and logical most of the time. But when it comes to my own issue, I couldn't handle it. I'm doing NC now, she just went on a 5 day trip with him. Every morning I wake up with the thought of her but it dies down after awhile. Guess I'm already on the path of recovery. I IP blocked her blog, but didn't facebook block her as that would be immature. We both agreed that we shouldn't be friends for awhile and she told me to move on.

[Sanity]

And the funny thing is. She used it as a flaw of mine. Saying the guy did not mind about the age gap. In my mind I was thinking 'Of course he doesn't mind, if he loved you he would plan for the future. Even I feel I'm too immature as of now. I could've just stayed and played you like an ass but now its a flaw of mine?'

[yoshi33]

This relationship will not last with the 18 year old, and she knows it. She is hanging on to you to keep as a back up, so she will not be alone inbetween relationship, hate to say it but when its over with this guy there will be a next, and she will give you just enough attention to keep you stringing by, do you ever notice that when you have made no contact in a couple days shes probally texting or emailing you something just to make sure you are still waiting. if you want her delete her completely from everything, and don't tell her why dont answer her calls for at least 3 days, she probally will track you down, dont tell her what your up too, tell her your moving on and dating slightly and make like you are having the time of your life, girls are very attactive to men that are fun, if no response leave it be.

[Sanity]

I guess so. Would I take her back? It would depend on how far the physical contact has gone. Its heart breaking how all these happened so quickly. She was head over heels for me and I didn't see this coming.

[symbiot]

How is 21/24 an age gap a prob but 18/24not? He is a rebound. Stop contacting her and let her figure it out.

[Tired Tiger]

Shes 24 and I'm 21. Dated for half a year but broke up because of age difference...

 

24-21 is an age gap problem?

[Sanity]

symbiot: I initiated the break up, it was my idea but we still stayed in love like nothing happened.

 

I thought it was an age gap problem when we broke up. I had a fear from thinking too far into the future from what my parents have been 'whispering' in my ears. Saying if I'm prepared to get married at a younger age and if I would be financially able to support her. No, I am not a parent's boy. It is just that we are both asian and tend to think in a traditional mindset when it comes to relationships. I've never been in a relationship with a girl older that is why it hit me very hard suddenly realising I could 'ruin' her life.

 

I am gutted that she went for someone even younger. Feels like being rubbed in the face.

 

She didn't mind about my age.

 

EDIT: I was also the first younger guy she went for. She said she would never even look at younger guys before.

[Sanity]

I don't regret my actions because I did do it for her and did not mind at all about her being older than me. But if I knew she was going to jump into another relationship with a younger guy, I might as well have stayed and should not have cared about our future.

[Sanity]

The thought of them doing everything together and trying to process how she can do it to someone she just met just makes me disappointed.

[Sanity]

Curiosity killed the cat. I went to look on her blog after her trip to meet her rebound. Man shes head over heels and completely forgotten me. Stupid me had to go do it. No more from now

[lalalollipops]

What's with her dating younger guys? And urgh. I can not imagine dating an 18 year old and I'm younger than her! It's not going to last lol...And you were only with her for half a year o_O. It shouldn't be that hard to let her go. Don't let her use you.

[Sanity]

What's with her dating younger guys? And urgh. I can not imagine dating an 18 year old and I'm younger than her! It's not going to last lol...And you were only with her for half a year o_O. It shouldn't be that hard to let her go. Don't let her use you.

 

Yeah the half a year part made it easy to break up then. But the break up was just a verbal thing considering we stayed together until 2 months ago. It is easier than my past break ups I could do it before and I can do it now. But I guess even so, 1 and a half years isn't a big deal. I guess a large part has to do with the new guy being there.

 

Yeah I thought she meant it when she said she would never look at younger guys but there was something about me that made her fall for me. Being the first younger guy. When I found out he was 18, at first I thought she was lying just to get me to move on. Its unbelievable that her friends support her.