DUMPEE QUESTIONAIRE: If you were a dumpee, where are you at in your recovery?

[Pixby]

I need some hope and timeline for healing. So, if you have been abandoned by a significant other, please reply to this thread with this information:

 

1. How long was your relationship (in years and months)?

 

3 Years, 1 Month

 

2. How long after the breakup did it take you to start to feel better (in days)?

 

After four weeks, with her completely gone from my everyday life, I noticed that I thought of her a bit less than before, so roughly 30 days.

 

3. How long after the breakup did it take you to commit to No-Contact (in days)?

 

Six days. She imposed radio silence and I had no real way to contact her. This was very lucky.

 

4. How long after the breakup did it take you to "get over" that person (approximately)?

 

3 months later, I could get through a day without thinking about her. 4 months later, I was actively looking for someone new.

 

5. Were you over that person when you tried dating again?

 

Yes. Becoming infatuated with someone else helped me to then basically forget her altogether.

 

6. How long after the breakup did it take you to find a new love?

 

6 Months.

 

Just delete my answers and insert your own. Just FYI: I am currently in the process of being heartbroken for the SECOND time. So, my answers are from when I went through this in the summer of 2001 for the first time. I'm only a few days into my current, heart-wrenching breakup. Pixby.

[Eocsor]

1. How long was your relationship (in years and months)?

 

14 years

 

2. How long after the breakup did it take you to start to feel better (in days)?

 

Forget days. To really feel better about a year and to fully recover , well it's been 19 months and things are pretty good now.

 

3. How long after the breakup did it take you to commit to No-Contact (in days)?

 

About a week.

 

4. How long after the breakup did it take you to "get over" that person (approximately)?

 

About a year

 

5. Were you over that person when you tried dating again?

 

Yes.

6. How long after the breakup did it take you to find a new love?

 

Still looking but having fun dating.

[mactownman]

1. 2 years, 10 months

2. Depends on what you mean by "better". Stopped being completely destroyed after a few weeks.

3. 8 or 9 days?? Mostly beacuse we had some issues to work out.

4. Still not "over" her. Im doing fine, think about her less and less everyday, enjoying being single, dating casually.

[Timefornc]

1. How long was your relationship (in years and months)?

 

18 months

 

2. How long after the breakup did it take you to start to feel better (in days)?

 

Best part of three months to feel slightly better

 

3. How long after the breakup did it take you to commit to No-Contact (in days)?

 

Five months. And not because strung me along, I wanted answers, I wanted her too see the error of her ways. but she hsnt responded. I though I would never give up

 

4. How long after the breakup did it take you to "get over" that person (approximately)?[/

Still not 100%. Never been one like this before, pain has gone, miss her everyday though. Still don't get it

 

5. Were you over that person when you tried dating again?

I haven't dated. I'm open to it, but not going to hurt anyone. Not looking per se, would be interested in a friendship with a new person before.

 

6. How long after the breakup did it take you to find a new love?

 

Doubt even god knows the answer to that.

[David Mac]

1. How long was your relationship (in years and months)?

 

7 months (yes not years but neverless)

 

2. How long after the breakup did it take you to start to feel better (in days)?

 

For the first 2 weeks i was fine, then the 3rd week it hit so hard as it just built up inside me,

 

3. How long after the breakup did it take you to commit to No-Contact (in days)?

 

Well we both just didnt contact each other from day 1 of bu,, It was 3 weeks when i wrote her a letter.if I hadnt written the letter i think we'd still be in nc even though we never mentioned it.

 

4. How long after the breakup did it take you to "get over" that person (approximately)?

 

in all it taken me 6 weeks to slap myself back into the old Dave.

 

5. Were you over that person when you tried dating again?

I am over her yes, but thats due to finding out she cheated on me, and let this guy live in her house, when she told me she didnt want anyone living with her.

 

6. How long after the breakup did it take you to find a new love?

 

still looking but having more fun dating and nothing serious, i dont really want a relationship for a good year or so, but if someone comes along then if it happens it happens.

[Voguester]

Oh Pixby I can't imagine why your girlfriend would have left you, you seem like such a catch...bahahah.

[abandoned]

Oh Pixby I can't imagine why your girlfriend would have left you, you seem like such a catch...bahahah.

hmmm that comment makes me wonder a little....

[Pixby]

Oh Pixby I can't imagine why your girlfriend would have left you, you seem like such a catch...bahahah.

 

 

Was that intended to be mean-spirited? If so, I can't tell why you would try to be hurtful. Strange. I was just wanting to see the timelines of how others dealt with breakups. Was this wrong or something?

[Pixby]

I think see now why you were trying to be hurtful. I posted this on your thread:

Oh, man. The weight gain. There it is. Love cannot survive blubber, sad to say. I know this seems shallow. But, he probably thinks, "If she can't take care of herself now, what's my life with her going to be like in 20 years?" Guys tend to think more long-term like that, than gals do. You're sending a powerful signal when your love-handles bounce him from the bed to the floor unexpectedly in the middle of the night.

 

You took that the wrong way. I was just trying to be funny while bluntly making an important point. It wasn't intended to be cruel. So, I'm sorry if it came off that way.

[ellene728]

I don't think it was intended to be mean spirited, after reading your posts you do seem like a great catch, seems like you put your heart and soul into your relationship. I actually was curious about these timelines, this post was helpful for me! I don't know why anyone would try to be mean spirited on this forum, I feel like we're all hurting or trying to heal

[Mellie]

1. How long was your relationship (in years and months)?

 

Almost 3 years.

 

2. How long after the breakup did it take you to start to feel better (in days)?

 

About a month.

 

3. How long after the breakup did it take you to commit to No-Contact (in days)?

 

About a month ( ).

 

4. How long after the breakup did it take you to "get over" that person (approximately)?

 

I think it would be premature to say I'm there already, but these past couple of weeks I've started feeling pretty good. I don't want him back and have no desire to make contact. The breakup was at the start of July.

 

5. Were you over that person when you tried dating again?

 

I haven't. I've messed around with the online stuff, but nah.

 

6. How long after the breakup did it take you to find a new love?

 

Just recently. My new love is me I'm actually finding it pretty cool to be able to be completely selfish and not worry about an SO. My last relationship was pretty restrictive. I feel free and I kind of like it that way

[Voguester]

Was that intended to be mean-spirited? If so, I can't tell why you would try to be hurtful. Strange. I was just wanting to see the timelines of how others dealt with breakups. Was this wrong or something?

 

Okay Pixby but some words of advice....NEVER make fun of a woman's weight, we don't like it and it seems to me that you can dish it out but you can't take it

[askltk]

1. How long was your relationship (in years and months)?

 

1 year 6 months

 

2. How long after the breakup did it take you to start to feel better (in days)?

 

3 Months

 

3. How long after the breakup did it take you to commit to No-Contact (in days)?

 

Approx 9 months - or 270 days. (long story)

 

 

4. How long after the breakup did it take you to "get over" that person (approximately)?

 

Gradually over time, but 2 weeks after NC

 

5. Were you over that person when you tried dating again?

 

Nope

 

6. How long after the breakup did it take you to find a new love?

 

Still looking - but thats all part of the fun.

[feenyx]

1. How long was your relationship (in years and months)?

 

3 years 11 months

 

2. How long after the breakup did it take you to start to feel better (in days)?

 

it came in waves. First time was when I went to a friend's place to sleep over instead of home. And then once I moved out. So 14 days at the latest.

 

3. How long after the breakup did it take you to commit to No-Contact (in days)?

 

Immediately. I refused to tell him my new contact information and where I had gone.

 

4. How long after the breakup did it take you to "get over" that person (approximately)?

 

It had a long time coming, but it was immediate. I had let his cheating slide before but this one took the cake.

 

5. Were you over that person when you tried dating again?

 

"Over" meaning never to come back-yes. "Over" as in pain-somewhat, it was being managed.

 

6. How long after the breakup did it take you to find a new love?

 

I signed up to a dating website the night after the breakup. I wanted to date and gain perspective, and I really didn't think I'd be back on the game that soon. Got really lucky and found someone new. We met once I got settled into my new home, which was about three weeks after the breakup.

 

Here's another shocker: we're engaged now. So it worked out for us.

[Thorshammer]

1. How long was your relationship (in years and months)?

3 Years, 2 months

 

2. How long after the breakup did it take you to start to feel better (in days)?

 

I got better in 3 weeks (I tried to feel hurt because i was guilty that i got over her so fast, i just couldnt feel hurt, i was happy), then i slipped on week 4 (when all my distractions got old, or werent avaliable as much(friends and parties)). So I am still stuck on the cycle of sadness, anger, and loniliness. Though I do want to get it on with a new girl. I think my confidence in shocked though, I am starting to be angry at my ex, and i think i just need someone new to realize she wasnt that serious.

 

 

3. How long after the breakup did it take you to commit to No-Contact (in days)?

 

after the third day no calls, a week after i sent a fb message- so a week after

 

4. How long after the breakup did it take you to "get over" that person (approximately)?

 

Not sure if I am over her or not. I dont want to fight for her back, i dont know how i would act if she came back.

 

 

5. Were you over that person when you tried dating again?

 

I had an ex that break up with me 5 years ago that wont leave me alone. She is like a HAWK, she stalked my fb status and jumped on me when it said SINGLE. Funny, she was the hottest, most compatable girl at that time for me, i thought i would never find better. Now, shes ewwww.

 

I got some stares in bars. Some real cuties. I wont lie, I am thinking about sleeping with someone new, my ex was whack in bed. I think i know my "type" now, you need to get your heart banged up pretty good to realize what you need in life.

 

In the past it took weeks.

 

6. How long after the breakup did it take you to find a new love?

 

Havent yet, I am being a bum now. I have to find work before i can go out on dates, being unemployed is kind of sad.