I just can't let go.

[solong123]

I'm sick of feeling really good, and the next second feeling like complete crap.

I can't stop thinking about my ex and I keep myself as busy as possible. Something always just reminds me of him then I get upset all over again. I know my decision was for the best, and we are not even close to being on speaking terms. I am aware that it is over, but I wish I could just move on. He seems fine and dandy not speaking to me. I wish I could feel that way too. How do I go about dealing this? Maybe I really just need help.

[Nirvana1986]

Hey Solong123,

 

I understand completely what you are going through and the only advice I can give you is... Time. Just give it time and deal with it one day at a time and you will see how it will get easier as time goes on. Meanwhile, just keep writing here whenever you need to. Good luck!

[symbiot]

Hey Solong123,

 

I understand completely what you are going through and the only advice I can give you is... Time. Just give it time and deal with it one day at a time and you will see how it will get easier as time goes on. Meanwhile, just keep writing here whenever you need to. Good luck!

 

True.

You will be much better to stay here and get help from all the wise people here. I would also like add that I don't believe in distracting yourself too much. Emotions make you human. Deal with pain up front so you can heal quicker and more completely. Cry, scream, rage. Deal with it now so it wont poison your system like cancer. If you deny it it will catch up with you later and be much harder to cope with.

[LaKings55]

Yep, time and No Contact are the best path to take. I also recommend really taking a good hard look at yourself, whether you were the dumper or dumpee makes no difference. Really think about what you can improve on. Are you too clingy? Do you expect too much out of others? Can you get in better shape? Do you need more friends? What do you like doing? Are there any hobbies or activities you want to pursue? Definitely look at this as a chance to improve and rebuild your life into something better. With life and loss comes wisdom and experience. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes a painful, emotionally shattering experience can help us realize our mistakes and the changes we need to make.

[force]

What helped me was knowing I have NO CONTROL over someone else's feelings. They will do what is best for them and there is nothing I can do about it. I was glad I got to be with the person for the amount of time I did. People can change their feelings at the drop of a hat. It sucks but is true.

[solong123]

Everyone here is 100% right. I really am trying to focus on improving myself. Just from time to time I get down. I guess I wish I didn't have to feel these feelings but that's just a part of life. And that is so true, everything does happen for a reason. I know better things will come along for me, it's just the process of getting there that sucks a bit. All the advice really helps too!

[Gena]

I think it's really important to take the focus off of him and place it back on yourself. Who cares if he "appears" to be fine and dandy? You can never be sure of what another person is going through, so it's very possible that he's just a broken up as you are. The one thing that you can be certain of and that you have any control over, is yourself. So work on taking care of yourself.

 

Also, don't beat yourself up for being upset. The harder you fight your own feelings, the longer it will take you to get over it. Just accept that you're upset, maybe sit with it for awhile and then try to find the next best feeling. Also, I find it really helpful to think about all the things I'm appreciate in my life. Focusing on the good stuff that you've got going on helps a lot.

[Mustang]

I know the feeling very well indeed. Do you find that you think you'd feel better if you knew that they were hurting too? I get that feeling a lot. I know it won't change anything but to know she's upset as well would help me in a way. The thought of her out and about doing all sorts with whoever and having a GREAT TIME without giving me a second thought makes it tougher.

 

Then again, even if I did find out my ex was unhappy, I imagine that would give me false hope. I don't know. I just wish I had her back.

[Dan Lyso]

Very familiar as I'm going through a break up with fiancee of 7 years who wanted someone else, totally opposite of me but I know that feeling is terrible and is softly killing you from the inside but I know hanging out with friends who listen and doing outside activities will help, I know "takes time" comment sucks but its the truth and I cant wait till a few months have passed and I feel normal again, but I do feel your pain but do not contact them as It will only push them away, let everything heal naturally and see what happens.

[Mustang]

I know that things will be fine in a few months time and I'll look back and wonder why I was so upset by it all. The thing is, right now I'm torn. Part of me just wants to wake up tomorrow and not remember a thing about our relationship but then another part of me never wants to give up.

[Lithp]

Just because he 'seems' fine and dandy right now doesn't mean he really is. Breaking up is an awful feeling in most cases, whether you're being dumped or doing the dumping, and everyone deals with pain in their own way. My impression is that you broke up with him, but correct me if I'm wrong... he's probably trying to distance himself so he can better deal with his feelings. That doesn't mean it's easy for him, but some people realise it's the best option and try to move on best they can as soon as possible.

 

You're going to have moments where you feel down and start to reminisce about the past you guys share together - it's in those moments where keeping yourself busy is important, and it sounds like you've gotten the hang of it already. Those moments are fleeting and pretty soon they'll be few and far between, and instead of momentarily bringing you down, they'll have little to no effect on you. It is just a case of sticking it out and pushing through the times you feel you're at your weakest. Unfortunately in most break-ups this is normal and there isn't really any miracle fix for it, but you have support here when you're feeling low.

 

Keep focusing on yourself and making yourself a better person, and eventually maybe you guys will be able to talk again. Eventually maybe you won't even want to. The trick is to just take it day by day, work through your feelings, and don't worry about what's to come - whatever needs to happen will happen, and you can face it when it's in front of you, but for the time being just focus on the 'now'.

 

Wishing you the best!!

[Dan Lyso]

I'm burning with ya it sucks, but atleast you know theres others out there suffering. We are all here for comfort and thus why i'm glad I came here because everyone here is great. I wish there was a way to mind erase, cause i'd do the same but just be glad that you met someone who was able to make you feel both good and bad, good positive twist to the pain. Either way I think the last 2 months have been heartbreak months for everyone I know.

[purrbaby]

I'm feeling exactly what you are, I could have written that post. We just hang in there. It'll get easier for all of us. This forum helps so much. It's nice to have others to "talk" to about this stuff and they understand and are here to support and encourage us. No contact definitely does make things easier to deal with. Even tho, I do wonder what he's doing/thinking/feeling, but none of that really matters anymore since we're not even on speaking terms and I don't see it happening again.