How to not seem distant/stop obsessing about the way I am?

[ChicoShadow]

I read somewhere that by over thinking and worrying about your behavior or the impression that you are making on others, you don't give yourself that chance to think about other things and you end up feeling like you don't have anything to say to others. I think I do this a lot. I am so worried about why no one is talking to me or what people will think of me being shy or being by myself that I am too preoccupied to really pay attention to the other people or what is going on and just comment on it and make small talk. Then, minutes later, I come up with the perfect thing that I should have said. How can I stop thinking about the fact that I am shy and stop worrying about what people will think of me so I can actually interact with them and not seem distant?

[catfeeder]

Become interested in learning about people instead of trying to impress them. Sometimes the best way to do this is to embrace invisibility, relax and observe. As you become more relaxed doing that, people will better relax with you. Then when you're spoken to you can respond from a relaxed state and whatever you say will be fine.

 

The best way to make an impression is to forget about making one.

[wheelerdealer]

I do this a lot too! Also like you I started realizing it when I'm in social situations so it makes it worse. I recently discovered I have a habit of mentally "checking out" in a conversation. I'll be talking to someone and my mind just trails off. I'll start thinking of a song I like and singing it in my head, or thinking about something I need to do that day lol. Then when I realize I'm doing it, the person is almost done talking and I'm like crap, what were they talking about?

 

Like the above poster said, try to become interested in people. It helps to ask people about themselves sort of what's going on with them etc. Try not to worry about what people are thinking about you, because a. you have no control over that and b. it doesn't really matter, only what you think of yourself. I'm trying to practice active listening to avoid losing attention in a conversation. But it's hard. Trying to really listen to what the person is talking about makes me think of myself less and gives the person a chance to naturally spark my interest. Though I'm still bad at it.

 

Also I read somewhere that the more you think about yourself the more imperfections are going to surface in your own mind. I try to remember that no matter where I am, I'm not really all that important so I feel more connected to the group I'm in.

 

Glad to know I'm not the only one that does this lol!

[MCXFactor]

I'm a bit antisocial myself. Try to improve on it.

[jimjam07]

Hey don't worry about it too much - you will create unnecessary stress upon yourself, which you don't need.

 

I used to be like this myself, would worry about what people thought of me.. seeing if people were talking about me behind my back... so on and so forth.

 

& then I came to the realisation.. I am unique, there are friends who take me for who I am.. I might be strange, or a lil bit different, but at least im trying to keep myself positive.

 

 

Find friends who like you for you.... and if you have anything on your mind, and need to get it off your brain - write it down...

 

 

People who tend to be mean or horrible to you, the only reason they dont like you, is because they are jealous of you. This is how I also go along with life, to people who do not like me or are jealous of me in any way... if i see them, I say hi! how are you?.. then they can never say: she didnt say hello or care... && then sometimes, they may come along to the "good side"