Ladies - What makes a guy attractive?

[NG85]

For the past year or so I've been working to make myself more attractive to women. I've been working out a bit, losing some weight, getting nicer clothes, and working on my confidence and poise. But it seems like no matter what I do, I don't really progress in terms of meeting women or being considered very attractive.

 

If my BMI is 27, I'm too fat; if my BMI is 24, I'm too thin. If I'm in the middle I get both complaints (Too fat or too thin). If I dress down, I'm considered a slob; if I buy some nicer looking clothes (In my price range), I get criticized for looking good, but not buying higher-end clothing. If I spend too little time on my appearance, I'm a slob; if I spend too much time on my appearance I'm vain. If I'm too nice, I'm a pushover; if I do playful teasing, I'm a jerk. If I act intelligent, I'm pompous; if I tone it down, I'm a dummy. If I'm too timid, I'm not good partner material; if I'm too confident, I'm a jerk. I also have long hair, and I take good care of it; One upside is that I've found that a good percentage of women like long hair on guys as long as it's clean and maintained, but the downside is I feel it makes me look feminine and takes away points from my "male score" (Five separate times this weekend I had a guy drive by or a guy at the bar go "Hey, baby!" or try and hit on me. It's awkward, but hilarious).

 

Then there are the plateaus where I feel like no matter how well I do, someone will be better than me. Lately I've been working out and trying to gain some muscle mass and definition, but still stay lean (I'm a runner). If I have no muscle mass and just look lean, I'm fine, but it's not what I want. But I noticed that as soon as I started getting a bit of definition, I just fell off the radar. If my muscles are noticeable either by sight or touch but they're not TOO noticeable, I'm considered a pipsqueak. I'm venturing into the "althletic" realm of physique, but I know all around me there are guys who are built better than me and have more impressive muscles. I'm also at a transitional phase where I still have some noticeable body fat, but also definite musculature in other parts, and it can look a bit odd. But I'm also afraid that if I get too muscular then I can turn off a lot of girls who don't like that kind of thing.

 

So ladies, what do you find attractive in guys? Are my points valid? Am I on the right track? Do you have any suggestions?

[Atrium]

You're overthinking things. Not everyone's comparing you to everyone else all the time. It's been said many times, but confidence is key.

 

Get in shape and work out for yourself and your health. The ladies will be a nice bonus.

[FathomFear]

It will be hard to judge your appearance without showing an example. Maybe post a recent picture?

[Princess123]

Quit caring what other people say and be the way that makes you happy.

 

If you post a picture I would tell you straight up if your good looking or if halloween would be your best night out.

[veneratio]

Not a lady, but you are overthinking things. Women are attracted to how you make them feel. Being fun, funny, interesting, etc. They respond to what you stimulate inside of them. And the key to that is confidence. I've been told I was too big, and too small. Did it stop me from getting anywhere? With some women, yeah, with others, not at all. Take it with a grain of salt and just stay true to your image of your self. All that really matters.

[FathomFear]

Not a lady, but you are overthinking things. Women are attracted to how you make them feel. Being fun, funny, interesting, etc. They respond to what you stimulate inside of them. And the key to that is confidence. I've been told I was too big, and too small. Did it stop me from getting anywhere? With some women, yeah, with others, not at all. Take it with a grain of salt and just stay true to your image of your self. All that really matters.

 

I think that's true for some people, but I also think it's a bit naive to say that women aren't attracted to a guy's body. I think many straight guys try to convince themselves of that just to justify not putting any effort into how they look. While looks certainly aren't everything, they certainly aren't nothing either. It's a part of your identity that needs to be cared for just like anything else.

[Flyingpiglet]

Definitely some overthinking going on here....

Relaxed, comfortable, quietly confident, easy to talk to..... And an smile!

[lemsip]

When I met my ex 8 years ago I was a confident, outgoing guy who didn't give a sh*t about my appearance. I'd leave the house with messy hair, played in bands, didn't care. That's what attracted her to me.

 

Fast forward 8 years towards the end of our relationship I became fixated on my appearance, my hair had to be perfect. I'd be worried I looked OK, I'd constantly be asking her if looked OK. That's what pushed her away (among other issues).

 

It's been 2 months since my breakup and I'm back to not caring. I have stubble, my hair is messy again and I'm slowly getting back to being confident about my appearance.

 

My ex spent a lot of time in front of the mirror, using different hair products etc and it definitely rubbed off on me. It's been a major revelation for me, but I'm now realising that I become so insecure because of her. How did it happen? I'll never know. But I won't let it happen again.

 

Moral of the story: stop giving a sh*t.

[superfox]

Sense of humour above EVERYTHING!

[1m50L0nl3y]

Whenever I'm feeling crappy about my looks I wear a nice perfume, that will always attract girls and I will get compliments. Sometimes you need something more to make you stand out from the crowd.

[Flyingpiglet]

: stop giving a sh*t.

 

Be happy in your own skin

[veneratio]

I think that's true for some people, but I also think it's a bit naive to say that women aren't attracted to a guy's body. I think many straight guys try to convince themselves of that just to justify not putting any effort into how they look. While looks certainly aren't everything, they certainly aren't nothing either. It's a part of your identity that needs to be cared for just like anything else.

 

Of course women are attracted to a man's body, but that's not what keeps her hooked or even what sparks her interest in most cases. If that were the case i'd have women falling all over me. Overall, I don't believe it plays that big of a role. For some, yeah, for others, no. In terms of a short term relationship, yeah, it plays a huge role alongside confidence, but for something more long term, not really is what I've found to be true. I don't think it's naive at all. But agree to disagree.

[Day_Walker]

I think that the best thing to work on is your confidence, you have to be confident no matter what youre wearing. If you are going to worry about clothing then you need to find clothing whether casual or more dressy that just fits you. When you are confident then people's comments about your weight will have little or no effect on you.

[tmtex]

Whenever I'm feeling crappy about my looks I wear a nice perfume, that will always attract girls and I will get compliments. Sometimes you need something more to make you stand out from the crowd.

 

I guess thats a european thing. I have never worn perfume and seriously doubt I would get anything wearing perfume.

 

LOL

[1m50L0nl3y]

I guess thats a european thing. I have never worn perfume and seriously doubt I would get anything wearing perfume.

 

LOL

 

Could I ask why you think you wouldn't get any compliments?

[annie24]

You're not going to get 100% of women to agree on anything!! just today on a thread here, some women were saying they think beards are sexy, I hate them!! some women like jocks, some like preppy guys, some like hippies, some like artsy guys, some like computer dorks, etc.

 

what kind of woman are you trying to attract?

[annie24]

I guess thats a european thing. I have never worn perfume and seriously doubt I would get anything wearing perfume.

 

LOL

 

I've often considered jumping on a man and tackling him to the ground when he walks by and i can smell his sexy cologne! I've managed to restrain myself, lol!!

[FathomFear]

Could I ask why you think you wouldn't get any compliments?

 

I think your choice of words might be the root of the confusion. In North America (for some reason) "perfume" and "cologne" are distinguished by the gender of the person who uses it. Perfume is for women, and cologne for men. Somehow this convention developed even though that's not what the words mean. I think in Europe the words are used correctly and are distinguished by % of alcohol content. So a North American guy would never fathome wearing "perfume" even though that's what he might be really wearing.

[1m50L0nl3y]

I think your choice of words might be the root of the confusion. In North America (for some reason) "perfume" and "cologne" are distinguished by the gender of the person who uses it. Perfume is for women, and cologne for men. Somehow this convention developed even though that's not what the words mean. I think in Europe the words are used correctly and are distinguished by % of alcohol content. So a North American guy would never fathome wearing "perfume" even though that's what he might be really wearing.

 

Thanks for letting me know. I was not aware that perfume meant ladies fragrance. I was talking about the "cologne" that lasts up to 9 hrs.

[SpottiOtti]

If my BMI is 27, I'm too fat; if my BMI is 24, I'm too thin. If I'm in the middle I get both complaints (Too fat or too thin). If I dress down, I'm considered a slob; if I buy some nicer looking clothes (In my price range), I get criticized for looking good, but not buying higher-end clothing. If I spend too little time on my appearance, I'm a slob; if I spend too much time on my appearance I'm vain. If I'm too nice, I'm a pushover; if I do playful teasing, I'm a jerk. If I act intelligent, I'm pompous; if I tone it down, I'm a dummy. If I'm too timid, I'm not good partner material; if I'm too confident, I'm a jerk. I also have long hair, and I take good care of it; One upside is that I've found that a good percentage of women like long hair on guys as long as it's clean and maintained, but the downside is I feel it makes me look feminine and takes away points from my "male score" (Five separate times this weekend I had a guy drive by or a guy at the bar go "Hey, baby!" or try and hit on me. It's awkward, but hilarious).

 

Then there are the plateaus where I feel like no matter how well I do, someone will be better than me. Lately I've been working out and trying to gain some muscle mass and definition, but still stay lean (I'm a runner). If I have no muscle mass and just look lean, I'm fine, but it's not what I want. But I noticed that as soon as I started getting a bit of definition, I just fell off the radar. If my muscles are noticeable either by sight or touch but they're not TOO noticeable, I'm considered a pipsqueak. I'm venturing into the "althletic" realm of physique, but I know all around me there are guys who are built better than me and have more impressive muscles. I'm also at a transitional phase where I still have some noticeable body fat, but also definite musculature in other parts, and it can look a bit odd. But I'm also afraid that if I get too muscular then I can turn off a lot of girls who don't like that kind of thing.

 

What I find attractive in a guy is someone who's got so much going on in his life that he doesn't have time to worry about all this crap. You will never be all things to all people. Get a handle on that, ASAP.