What is my move here?

[jsw]

Hi all,

 

So i have been dating this girl for about 4 months. Everything was great in the beginning. About 2 months into it I said to her I don't know what her situation is, but as for me I am happy seeing you and not looking for anyone else. She said she isnt either but that she is happy where we are and needs some more time before anything really serious. She went on to say everything was perfect, she liked me a lot, and I couldn't mess anything up.

 

Fast forward to now and I am totally confused. I dont hear from her as much anymore. In fact, the last week and a half the only days we would talk was if I would text her first. Days that I did not text her first, we did not talk the whole day. I also asked her what her plans were for the week and if she wanted to get together. She said that she would let me know about doing something saturday. Well all day Friday I never hear from her, and all day Saturday I never hear from her. Nothing. Not even a text letting me know that she can't do anything. Lately, I have also felt that it is always me who is asking her when/if shes free and saying "ok well let me know". putting my weekend on hold just to see her.

 

Then on Sunday I get a random text like nothing happened. Not a sorry, or anything else like that. I respond to her, but after a lot of time went by (I was also busy that day and normally would text her back immediately but decided not to for obvious reasons). I was not myself in the texts either, except one time when I texted her back again after a long wait.

 

Here is my question. Do I call her up and ask her what the deal is? I have always told her that I would want an honest relationship, no matter what level it is at and its always better to know. Or do I just kind of let it go, let her reach out to me and treat her like a friend? Here is what makes it harder: her cousin is getting married in Dec. and we are both in the wedding and partners (I met her through her cousin). So its not like a random girl that I just met...

 

Thanks!

[1m50L0nl3y]

She's just slowly fading away. I would advice to not call her and ask for explanation. Simple because... she will probably make something up and continue her ways and you will be here writing another threat and feeling worse. Let her reach for you. Eventually she will, as you and her will be seeing each other in december.

[emily1804]

I think shes found someone else... its up to you if you really want to move on and get it straight then ring her and ask her what the deal is... if she hesitates or makes an excuse (by the way she could well tell you what you want to hear but she didnt before when you hinted that youd like to be exclusive so I doubt she would now. You can usually tell how a person feels by their actions and tone of voice, go with your instincts!). You could waste your time "backing off" on the offchance that she may find you more attractive... To be honest I think this is a waste of your time and energy, on some level she will know that you still like her, and you will probably find yourself lusting after this girl barking up the wrong tree for many more months all to come to nothing. Besides which do you really want someone who may percieve you as too clingy? No you want someone who thinks your caring and attentive. That person is out there and the longer you spend dillydaddling with on the "offchance" the longer it will take to find the right one. You will know when you meet the right person, they wont slowly back away, they wont ignore your calls, they will text you, and they will say yes to being exclusive. Forget this one, move on.. and if theres a slight chance that she does want to be with you, she will find this version of yourself far more attractive and come running.

 

Remember, If a person likes you you will know, if they dont you will be confused.

[jsw]

I see what you are saying and I appreciate it. But by moving on do you think I should call her and ask her what her deal is and say that I think we should stop doing what we are doing because i need more? Or do I just move on without really ending it with her and just go our separate ways?

[emily1804]

Well i'm not saying it always works but i'm at a stage in my life where I just dont see the point in playing games. I think you are who you are, if you pretend to be someone else then how can someone ever really accept you for who you are.. its silly. I would ask her how she feels, if she seems interested tell her how you feel and what you expect from her and from a relationship, put your cards on the table. If she doesnt feel the same way, or cant keep up to her promises then go your separate ways.

[boyblue]

Sounds like she is losing interest for some reason or other. It will eat away at you wondering why this is happening but it may be she just isn't sure or feels things moving too fast. Either way I would just not contact her and see what she does. Do not chase her and wait and see if she starts pursuing you, if she doesn't then you have your answer.

 

Whatever you do do not keep hassling her this is how I drove my GF away - for good I might add!

 

BB