why do some couples constantly breakup only to makeup?

[stormie]

I have a friend who is always going through heartbreak because her boyfriend constantly either disappears on her or straight out dumps her. My friend of course, is a classic "fool in love" with this guy and constantly takes him back at his beck and call. Their relationship has gone on and off for the past 3 years if not more. Last year, he disappeared on her for a good 6 months and did not even write her. She was highly upset. Another detail - they are both a good decade older than I am, so it's not like they're high schoolers or immature.

 

Last week, I came up to her with some good news, but she didn't care to comment about it because she had just been straight out dumped by the guy, and was too heartbroken to even say anything in response.

 

Well, this morning, she sends me an email thanking me for being patient with her and that she's as happy as happy can be cause she is no longer broken up with the guy, and that they are back together now! I can't believe that she took him back, and I feel like telling her something about it, however, I don't want to risk going through another friendship breakup at this point - I've had too many last year lol

 

So my question is this - why do couples have this habit of breaking up and making up again constantly?? Personally, I couldn't live like that.

[donpeel83]

Better the devil you know then devil you dont for some. Its much easier to go back to an old love then it is to take your head out your hands and look for whats new in the world.

[turnera]

Her low self esteem keeps her from believing anyone else will take her.

[lacrimosa]

I have been through a relationship like this and I have had friends experience it as well. "Love" in this case, feels like a drug addiction. You crave it, you go through withdrawls, you may even get over the relationship. As soon as they come back, the crazy-love chemical reaction happens, and you're re-hooked.

 

It really sucks to be friends with someone involved in this kind of relationship. It is such a let down to see them making terrible choices. At the same time, there isn't much you can do besides being brutally honest that they are making a mistake and choosing to separate yourself from it.

 

I am sure your friend will be back, as soon as she gets dumped again.

[Jd1983]

I've seen several relationships like this, and I question the same thing.

 

The whole breaking up thing, and getting back right away doesn't work for me. It's either you're together or you're not.

 

Some people don't mind it because they can't let go. They get back with the person time and time again, in hopes that they will eventually change, and when they don't - the whole vicious cycle happens all over again.

[Hollyj]

Because they like drama and are incapable of a healthy relationship.

 

I mean, why would you continually return to something that doesn't work. We should never expect people to change, but should move on to someone who can give us what we need.

 

Agree with the low self-esteem bit, too!

[Lester]

Low self-esteem which leads to the love and approval disorder.

[jpeter84]

This doesn't really answer the question, but I'm just chiming in my personal opinion: I've had the long and tightly-held philosophy that a legit relationship doesn't flow like that. If you really loved someone you would stay together and work things out. I don't believe in breaking up and getting back together. Just not how it works for me.

 

Anyhoo, I would agree with the low self-esteem issues, and also that often, it's just too hard for some people to stay broken up with someone. You kind of see things through rose-colored glass and you believe that things will get better, and someone will change. But in reality it's incredibly unlikely either will happen and it's just wiser to end the relationship. It's difficult to believe that whatever you had with that person is no longer there.

 

Change is hard sometimes, but generally change is good.

[turnera]

People who are like this will best benefit from going on a 'strike' for at least 3 months - vowing to go without ANY partner for at least 3 months, to get to know themselves, and to know that they CAN survive all by themselves, they don't need a partner to be complete or to be valuable.

[Emilia]

Been though it. I can tell you it's because your feelings are SO strong for someone and you can absolutely not handle the fact of living without them. Not sure if that's a bad or a good thing. Me and my bf have broken up several times. We always get back together, we are like magnets. We live together so when I see him or he sees me I just melt. It's just something I can't explain. Maybe it's unhealthy...time will tell