abadhabit Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 ok deep breath...I feel sick about this. I started dating a friend a few months ago, we have always had a mutual attraction but life never had us in right place to get together until those few months ago. Well he has fallen head over heels...he did really really quickly. Ive slowly started to feel its not right and I dont feel the same way about him and never will. Im actually getting back with my ex, but I feel this is unnecessary to tell him, do you think? I just thought it might make it worse for him...but he will find out eventually I guess that I got back with him. Im so annoyed with myself for letting myself date this guy, we could of kept being great mates but I feel it will be irreversibly damaged after tomorrow. Is there anything I should or should not say to this guy. I absolutely want to be honest without being brutally honest...like 'um I dont even enjoy sex with you'. Im not good at this, seriously clueless...because i really do care about this guy and his feelings Link to comment
1m50L0nl3y Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Deff leave the "not enjoying sex" part out!. Just tell him that you really wished things had worked between you, and that was the whole point of being together but unfortunately is not happening, and you have decided to go back with your ex, that he didn't do anything wrong, and that you will understand if he doesn't want to be your friend any longer, but you will always be there for him because his friendship means a lot to you. Is better if you do this as personal as possible, not by text for example. And hope things go well with your ex from there on.... Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 And you need to understand that if friendship is possible, it may be a considerable amount of time (many months to several years) before he would be able to even entertain that thought..... Link to comment
abadhabit Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 O golly gosh what you wrote is perfect! Thank you. It exactly what I want to say, maybe I could make palm cards (kidding). I agree, I would never discuss something like this with someone via phone let alone sms...seriously how can people do that. Im guessing they do it sometimes because they might be a freak like me who smiles when things are bad...god I hate it, i get this beaming smile on my face when I have to face stuff like this...bizarre but I can't help it. Thanks again mate Link to comment
abadhabit Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 I do hope it is possible, if I am so lucky to be able to keep some friendship out of this. Thank you Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 So, is this the ex you are getting back together with that you just wrote about in June? Sounds to me like you used your friend as a rebound (it doesn't matter how long ago it was...rebound is when you haven't gotten over an ex and yet you date someone else). Of course the sex is bad and you are not into him....because you were still hung up on your ex and as long as someone has not gotten over their ex, their rebound never had a fair shot. You are dumping him NOT because of the sex or the lack of feelings for him....it is because you are still in love with the ex who treated you badly and have chosen to go back to him. This is entirely about you, not this poor guy you are going to dump. Yes, you should tell him you are going back to the ex because it will hurt him even more if you are not honest and he finds out afterwards. Link to comment
abadhabit Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 I cant help myself. I do have to say is it that hard to just focus on the post instead of creeping through someones past to answer a current question? Think ill answer that myself actually. Thanks others lol Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I cant help myself. I do have to say is it that hard to just focus on the post instead of creeping through someones past to answer a current question? Think ill answer that myself actually. Thanks others lol The past threads make a big difference because it gives perspective on what the poster is really saying. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 whoa, whoa, whoa............ Not fair to post that in response to CAD......You are the one that posted that in the past. You are the one asking about breaking up with your friend. One thing you can count on here if you haven't learned it yet is you are going to get brutal honesty. There are those of us who don't take the time to seek the history (me included) and there are others that care enough to seek it out to ensure that you are getting an honest answer. If you want to live in denial, then perhaps you should consider what you post so that it can't come back to haunt you later as this did..... And now that this has been revealed......let's talk about the other elephant in the room......."This man hurt me so badly, damaged my soul greatly. I am still angry. I don't know if I can forget all the horrible things and move on with him. Can you?" I take it by your reaction to CAD that this indeed is the same ex. That being said.......this is the person that you said has hurt you so badly (your words) and damaged your soul, so greatly (again,your words) that this is who you are considering going back to? If things aren't working out with the person you are with (the friend) regardless of his being a rebound or it just isn't working out, you need to end that. I agree that if you took advantage of your friend to get over this jerk that tore you to shreds previously, your friend may be devastated by your decision, realize that you used him and you may have lost the friendship for good. However.......are you SERIOUS?????? You are really considering going out with this guy who treated you like crap - again? Really? Seriously? Do you have amnesia? Perhaps you need to sift back through your old posts to help you put some more consideration into this reconciliation attempt. It is sad that not only did you potentially ruin a great friendship but you are about to throw away any healing and more time in your life for someone that was shown you how damaging they can be to you. Wow....... Link to comment
abandoned Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 So I guess you were with ex same time as your friend?...I read your last post from June also! I think you need to take a big step back and think of what kind of person you want to be! Something is really fishy here! You look real bad in this whole thing! What you have done here makes me think that you really need to look at yourself in the mirror, and see if you like what you see....seems so so cold to me...cold and selfish not to mention that you go on about your ..friend....ya, you seem like a great friend to have!...sorry, but I really hate what you have done here... you need help to fix yourself before you should be with anyone!!! I dont think it matters who your with right now...its not going to work.... Link to comment
Applewhite Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I cant help myself. I do have to say is it that hard to just focus on the post instead of creeping through someones past to answer a current question? Think ill answer that myself actually. Thanks others lol Well it can hardly be called your past since the mentioned thread was posted less than a week ago. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Well it can hardly be called your past since the mentioned thread was posted less than a week ago. Actually, I think it was June of this year. Regardless, it was hardly very long ago. Which is also evidence that she was never fully participating in the relationship with her friend. My heart goes out to him......he never had a chance. Link to comment
Flywest29 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I cant help myself. I do have to say is it that hard to just focus on the post instead of creeping through someones past to answer a current question? Think ill answer that myself actually. Thanks others lol Whoa whoa! Holy denial Batman! CAD gives nothing but solid advice on this forum. Really you should be thanking her for researching your past and giving you a clear, unbiased opinion on your situation. She has done the same for me and has been bang on and I appreciate it. Why bother coming on and posting if you are afraid you are going to hear the truth? Good luck with your situation, you are going to need it. Link to comment
Tigerfan Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Once again, a good guy gets the shaft and the jerk gets the girl. Seems a common theme in human nature, the guy that is too into the girl, the girl loses interest. It's happened to me for sure. Poor guy, he'll probably be posting on this forum after tomorrow. Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Why on earth would you also insult him by telling him that you don't like sex with him? In what parallel dimension would that be a good idea? Link to comment
Pixby Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I can predict the future for her right now. The ex will treat her just as badly as before, if not worse, and THIS TIME, she won't have that friend to console her. Oh sure, the friend might take her back, depending on how much time has passed. But, she won't be able to talk to him about things going south with the ex because of mistreatment AGAIN. Women who perpetuate these ugly cycles need to be punished and banned from dating until they get their s-h-i-t together. Link to comment
MK9 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Speaking the truth doesn't necessary help...it can be bad as not telling the truth. Lying to save someone's life = a noble lie. Lying to benefit yourself at other's expense = immoral lie. Same thing with telling the truth, if telling the truth to harm/hurt someone then that's not a good form of honesty. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Once again, a good guy gets the shaft and the jerk gets the girl. Seems a common theme in human nature, the guy that is too into the girl, the girl loses interest. It's happened to me for sure. Poor guy, he'll probably be posting on this forum after tomorrow. Actually, that often happens with women too..the guy dumps the nice girl to be with the girl who treats him like garbage. Link to comment
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