I ALWAYS think I'm going to be lead on

[yarg682]

I'm starting to get paranoid to the extent where if a girl (specifically the girl I'm talking to now) can't be consistent with her affection even if there's a credible reason for it I automatically feel lead on and get super depressed but can never move on effectively because any real rejection never hits me. Some background I asked out a girl when I was 14 and she said yes to going on a date with me but kept making excuses sooner or later she told me she didn't like me like that. The second girl I ever tried to go out with had a boyfriend and hid it from me for awhile. There was another that said 'she didn't want a boyfriend' then was dating another guy in about a week. Then when I was 17 I took a girl to homecoming and she may not have understood that I liked her but she made out with another guy. Then a year ago I asked out another girl she said yes which soon turned to an I don't know then a no because she wasn't sure if she wanted a relationship (transition to college and getting a new job and stuff) but then two months later she's dating another guy. I'm pretty into a girl now but she has major trust issues based on some bad past relationships and she's not gonna be ready for a relationship right now but she really likes me and her friend really wants her to be with me and helps every step of the way. Even though her friend claims I'd never have to worry about her leaving me for another guy because he'd have to deal with her trust issues too and she'd give him a hard time I can't shake the feeling that she's about to just leave me for another guy. We're not in an actual relationship but we talk to each other like we are, we're really into each other no matter how hard I try paranoia always creeps up on me. Just recently I decided to tell her I needed to take a few days to clear my head since this situation with her gets a little stressful since I really want to be with her but she's having a hard time being close. After one day of not talking to her she puts up on facebook about totally wanting to go to the movies than after the second day it's I love how unexpected people come into my life and make me so very happy. I like to think the second thing is about me or something because I do try to make her happy since I care about her but I can't shake the feeling some guy just swooped in out of nowhere and somehow she's just fallen for him. How can I stop feeling so weird about this? I'm pretty sure even if things don't work out with this girl I'll always feel this way with any girl and I really hate it.

[Mystery Enigma]

Considering your history, I am not surprised that you think someone is leading you on. In fact, I was led on by my most recent ex, she used me for my kindness and dumped me on the curb and ran back to her ex. Not pretty but I told myself, "Yes I got used, it sucked but you know what? I learned from this experience and I will not let it impact my next relationship." I also try to think of it like this: Embrace the positives, learn from the negatives and take it with you in hopes that it will help you be a better person.

 

What I can tell you is that every person is different and not everyone is trying to use you, you are now wary of the red flags of a relationship but you should not be focused on every single one, be yourself and if you detect something out of wack then ask questions before these become doubts that harm your relationship. Communicate openly and honestly.

[SicFounder]

I always think I'm being lead on too. It's one of the main reasons I stop talking to a girl after so long, even if she's genuinely into me, I get too paranoid and end all contact. It's happened 3 times this Summer.

 

Given my past, likes yours, it's no wonder why we're like this. My past experiences are different, but have caused the same obstacles. Just don't get stuck in them.

[yarg682]

Thanks for the advice I've made it clear to her that I'm having this delusion that she'll leave me for another guy and just automatically trust him she's usually pretty understanding about things and maybe she'll admit that she has found someone else and I'll just have to tell her she's missed out on a chance at being my friend cause it's obvious she's lying about her feelings which is something I don't put up with.

[SandersT]

Thanks for the advice I've made it clear to her that I'm having this delusion that she'll leave me for another guy and just automatically trust him she's usually pretty understanding about things and maybe she'll admit that she has found someone else and I'll just have to tell her she's missed out on a chance at being my friend cause it's obvious she's lying about her feelings which is something I don't put up with.

 

I'm having the same problem you are, bro. These are trust issues. I'm trying to shake them now. I think a long, heart felt conversation between you too will do the trick. Do you have an update for us?