Pixby Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Hi, you can call me Pixby. I'm 31, male, and my live-in girlfriend of the past 5 years (Lisa) just left two days ago. Here's how it happened: Late Friday night, I checked the online account of one of my checking accounts and noticed that during the day, Lisa had used her debit card to buy over $600 worth of merchandise at a store. This was very strange. So, it was 11:00 PM when I confronted her. She became real quiet and, after what seemed like an eternity, she said, "I'm leaving. My sister and her husband are coming here at 8AM to help me pack my things. I'm going to live with my grandparents in Wisconsin." Needless to say, I was floored. I felt our relationship was in a very good place. I worked from home as a writer/educational publisher and she did as well--doing the E-mail marketing side of the business. In fact, that's what she was working on when I confronted her about the money issue Friday night. Can you believe that she was still working on our business when planning on leaving in roughly 9 hours? As the night went on with me begging her to stay, and stretched into early AM, she told me she kept up the same routine with the hope I would be none-the-wiser about her plans to leave. In fact, earlier Friday morning, SHE initiated sex. Again, I asked her why she would do such a thing if she no longer wanted a life with me? And, again, she gave the same response. "I didn't want anything to seem out of the ordinary." Is that beyond cruel or what? Now, as I sit here typing this, I still can't comprehend why she felt the need to surprise me. True, she had tried to leave once before, over 2 years ago. But, I talked her out of it. At that time, I made her promise that, if she was going to stay, that she must be more open about her needs and talk about if she's considering that our life together might not be "forever," as I see it. So, perhaps she was afraid that if I was given time, I might be able to talk her out of it again. I don't know. Why can't certain people just communicate openly in relationships? Anyway, after hours of me begging and pleading for her to please stay, I realized that she had made up her mind. So, at about 3AM, I made her pack all of her things, load them into her car, and leave the house that we shared. I was not going to go through the shame and embarrassment of having her family members drive hours to our place (we lived in Illinois). So, in my mind, I had to avoid that at all costs. She is so lucky that I stumbled upon her deception. If it had gone down the way she had planned, I would have went berserk. I feel destroyed by this and have spent the past days E-mailing, texting, and calling to try to get her to see/ talk to me. I know this is a mistake. I know I need to stop contacting her altogether. In my mind, I know she's not coming back. But, when I consider giving up hope that she might change her mind, I start crying like a little girl. She is my Lisa. And, although our life together was not extravagant or adventurous, to say the least, her companionship was very dear to me. Her touch and words were what I looked forward to every single day and I thought she felt the same about me. All the signs were there that our relationship was fine (or so I thought). We'd take long walks together around town each day, make love every day, and talk about our plans for the future often. In fact, we had, just a month ago, put an offer in with our real estate agent on a new home (that's currently a short sale). Just a week ago, Lisa was talking about how she was going to decorate the place if we got it. ONLY A WEEK AGO! Also, just a week ago, we were discussing her upcoming birthday (September 11th) and what she wanted. So, she showed my some lingerie that she had her eye on and asked if she could order it. Of course, I told her she could and she did. Well, it arrived via mail order on Wednesday. She modeled it for me and looked so happy. Then, we made passionate love. Two days later, she's leaving? * * * ? How can things change so fast? My sister (a shrink by profession) tells me that when people are ambivalent about their relationships, they will often try the extremes to see if they can be happy when fully embracing the role, or not embracing it altogether. So, was my Lisa simply trying to see if she would feel better about us if she gave it her all, realized that even then, she didn't, and decided in that instant to give up? I don't know. But, it's so frightening to be abandoned like this--especially when she gets to move away and begin her life anew in fresh surroundings. Me? I'm stuck in the house we shared for the past 3 years of the relationship. Everything reminds me of her, even with it seeming so empty, sans her possessions. She also took our pets with her. So, even though I didn't like cats that much, I had accepted them. I enjoyed their companionship too, believe it or not. Anyway, I am beside myself with grief. This is not the first time my heart has been broken. In my last year of college, my girlfriend of 3 years left just as suddenly. The pain I felt was immeasurable then, as it is now. I just never thought I would let myself get this attached again. Though, I suppose in my mind it wasn't risky because I could only see Lisa and I growing old together. Not in a million years did I think she would leave me. Lisa and I had so much in common. We both never wanted children, we both were primarily home bodies, we both were non-religious, we had amazing physical compatibility (sex/intimacy), you name it! But, in the end, she E-mails me, "Please stop E-mailing me. I don't know what to say to you. I just want to move on with my life." It's difficult when thinking that perhaps I just wasn't an exciting enough person for her. It's hard to know that she pretty much felt like her life was stagnant and not going anywhere. By contrast, I felt like our life was where it was supposed to be. I felt like we had arrived (or at the very least were significantly close to having what we wanted). But, not everyone can be a rock star or world traveler. Some of us like nice, simple, quiet lives. I thought she was like me in this regard. But, I guess I was wrong. I know that the first step of getting through this is acceptance that she won't come back. But, this is so freaking hard. All of my dreams and hopes for the future, all included her as the centerpiece. I realize that my happiness shouldn't be based on any one person. And, it wasn't. There were many things in my life that made me happy. But, still, Lisa was a HUGE component of this happiness or content-ness. One last thing: Lisa and I met in her home state of Wisconsin. Then, we moved back to my home state of Illinois, where we have lived for 4.5 years of the relationship. She always wanted to go back to Wisconsin. In fact, we talked about moving back to Madison as an option for the future. So, in a way, I feel abandoned for a location. Lisa never really liked Illinois that much. She was here for me. This makes this whole ordeal hurt even more. I am currently considering moving to Madison with even the smallest of hopes that Lisa would decide to be with me again. I know that probably sounds crazy. But, I miss her so much, after her only being gone a couple of days. Thanks for reading about my situation. Writing it down has helped tame my agony, if only for a little while. Pixby Link to comment
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