THIS is why you should never give anyone your passwords!!

[OptomisticGirl]

How she acted after she found out what he did is the most telling to me. What she did virtually put her on the same level as him as a cheater - you can't play the victim card if you seek revenge. Sorry.

[holdonnow]

You are comparing what he might have done to her health (without provable intent)

 

In a society like ours, where good educations are free (including sex ed which seems to have somehow fallen out of fashion lately), there is no excuse for passing on STDs, intent or no. It can't exactly be blamed on stupidity. Cheating on someone isn't exactly done with their best interests in mind, now is it? Your mileage may vary.

 

compared to what she did do with malice and with intent to do harm.

 

What she DID do was cause him to lose a job offer. It was Prudence who inserted the "YOU DESTROYED HIS CAREER OMG * * * BBQ!!eleventy" without any basis for doing so.

 

Two wrongs don't make a right,

 

I don't at all disagree.

 

particularly when they are on two different levels - it may be a cliche but it is still true nonetheless.

 

I disagree that the two wrongs here are on different levels. If anything I think they're equally bad. Like I said, post this in the Infidelity forum and see where the responses get you. Several people in other places have argued that "How could she do this to him in this economy" which indicates to me that people's responses would be different in a different economy, IE morality is directly proportional to economic health. The overwhelming "she is a terrible person and this is a horrible horrible thing" belief doesn't seem to be absolute.

 

Other people have said "If she is so bad, why is revenge so common" which is a legitimate question. That is, if LW is evil, crazy, or a sociopath (or whathaveyou) we have an awful lot of those running around.

 

There comes a time when defending the indefensible becomes merely risible and arguing further with someone who does it becomes pointless.

 

Is there some sort of rule here about expressing dissent with the general consensus? That is to say, are you wanting intelligent discussion where people can learn from each other or like-minded individuals validating mutual biases in a non-confrontational environment?

[DN]

Is there some sort of rule here about expressing dissent with the general consensus? That is to say, are you wanting intelligent discussion where people can learn from each other or like-minded individuals validating mutual biases in a non-confrontational environment?

No rule at all. But I am not willing to debate this further because I believe your defense of such unconscionable behaviour is not worth more of my time.

[holdonnow]

No rule at all. But I am not willing to debate this further because I believe your defense of such unconscionable behaviour

 

Defense of unconscionable behavior? I don't understand where you got this. Please explain.

[annie24]

Defense of unconscionable behavior? I don't understand where you got this. Please explain.

 

you're assuming that the 'punishment' fit the crime. sure, the guy cheated but does that mean that he exposed her to STDs? in my opinion, if my boyfriend kissed another woman, that is cheating. would kissing another woman mean that he should get his work life messed with? i think not. it's fun to think 'eye for an eye' (though in this case, maybe it's an eye for a tooth?) she should have been classy and just walked away with her head held high.

[OptomisticGirl]

you're assuming that the 'punishment' fit the crime. sure, the guy cheated but does that mean that he exposed her to STDs? in my opinion, if my boyfriend kissed another woman, that is cheating. would kissing another woman mean that he should get his work life messed with? i think not. it's fun to think 'eye for an eye' (though in this case, maybe it's an eye for a tooth?) she should have been classy and just walked away with her head held high.

 

Yep. If anything, her actions put her on the same level as her cheating ex.

[holdonnow]

you're assuming that the 'punishment' fit the crime.

 

I didn't say that. I don't believe in vigilante justice, what I DID say is that I do NOT support the LWs actions but that I think what they did to each other was equally bad - others have agreed it seems. Please do not ascribe beliefs to me that I did not say. And please retract your statement that I "defended unconscionable behavior" I find that statement inflammatory and insulting.

 

sure, the guy cheated but does that mean that he exposed her to STDs?

 

Very possibly. HPV cannot be prevented with a condom. Assuming that he was having sex with her AFTER he had sex with someone else, techically speaking yes, he did in fact subject her to serious medical risk. Considering that the majority of sexually active adults are exposed to STDs at some point in their lives (1 in 4 adults has HPV and 1 in 5 has HSV), depending on the scenario, it would be surprising if she DIDN'T in fact catch anything from him. If I were her I'd be in the gyno's office repeatedly starting three months after I found out he was cheating to make sure my paps were clear. If they aren't, the costs of biopsies, testing, and abnormal cell removal can run into the thousands if she doesn't have medical insurance.

 

in my opinion, if my boyfriend kissed another woman, that is cheating. would kissing another woman mean that he should get his work life messed with? i think not.

 

If you read the LWs original letter carefully, she states that he cheated on her AMONGST OTHER THINGS that she doesn't outline and that he "lied to her so much." One can extrapolate from that that he wasn't just kissing other women.

 

BTW you can get STDs from kissing. Usually HSV. Which is permanent, painful, disfiguring, and can be emotionally damaging.

 

it's fun to think 'eye for an eye' (though in this case, maybe it's an eye for a tooth?) she should have been classy and just walked away with her head held high.

 

Which I and I can assume most people would agree with and choose to do themselves. I personally just don't happen to believe that the loss of a job is as bad as having to live with a lifelong emotional scar or a medical condition. I guess it really depends on who you ask. Like I said, post this to the infidelity forum and watch what happens.

[annie24]

I didn't say that. I don't believe in vigilante justice, what I DID say is that I do NOT support the LWs actions but that I think what they did to each other was equally bad - others have agreed it seems. Please do not ascribe beliefs to me that I did not say. And please retract your statement that I "defended unconscionable behavior" I find that statement inflammatory and insulting.

 

DN said that, I didn't.

 

Well, I guess we have to agree to disagree. I don't think it's right to do something illegal to cause someone to lose their job and to have to find a new one. It took me pretty much 1 year to find a job, so I wouldn't want to do that over again! Whether they are currently working in that job or are scheduled to start in the next few months. I don't think there is any justification for doing that. If you do, ok, whatever. I hope your next boyfriend doesn't cheat on you!!

[annie24]

PS - I have a "career" and it took me about a year to find employment in my field.

[holdonnow]

DN said that, I didn't.

 

Right, feel free to change it if you want, for some reason my reply with quote did it wrong?

 

Well, I guess we have to agree to disagree.

 

We don't disagree.

 

I don't think it's right to do something illegal to cause someone to lose their job and to have to find a new one.

 

I don't either.

 

It took me pretty much 1 year to find a job, so I wouldn't want to do that over again!

 

I think the strength of reaction we are seeing to this letter is directly proportional to economic conditions.

 

I don't think there is any justification for doing that. If you do, ok, whatever. I hope your next boyfriend doesn't cheat on you!!

 

Feel free to reread my posts more carefully, I would appreciate it.

[greywolf]

I have been cheated on before, but I still don't think it's right to mess with people's lives like that. Two wrongs don't make a right. And as I said earlier (I believe), I don't understand why someone would do this to someone they love even if they are extremely hurt. I can understand doing/saying something hurtful in the heat of the moment, but she put a lot of thought into this. She had to log into his account, type the email, and send it. There are plenty of places along the way where she could have come to the realization that what she was doing was wrong.