THIS is why you should never give anyone your passwords!!

[annie24]

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Q. Confessing to an Ex-Boyfriend: About two years ago my then-boyfriend got a job offer at a large, global company for nearly a 40 percent pay raise. He was contractually obliged to give a month's notice at his old job and during that time I found out he cheated on me, amongst other things. To get back at him I logged into his email (he gave me his password previously) and wrote an email pretending to be him. The email detailed a drunken weekend out using recreational drugs, racist vents about my ex's then boss, and the last paragraph contained offensive remarks about the HR manager who recruited him. I sent it to the HR manager to make it look like he'd accidentally sent it to her instead of a friend, then deleted the email from his sent account. Naturally the company withdrew the job offer with the excuse that his position was no longer available. My ex was also not permitted to have his old job back, so he spent four months unemployed. To be honest, I feel no guilt over this event considering how much he lied to me, but something keeps nagging at me and I feel like I have to confess it to him. He probably has no idea what happened. Am I morally obliged to tell him, or should I keep it under wraps?

 

 

A I always appreciate it when I hear from the people who behave horribly (the insanely jealous, the rageaholics) to get their perspective on what it's like to be the person who damages those around them. So thank you for this letter about your diabolical plot to try to destroy your ex's career. He cheated on you, which makes him a louse who you should have (and did) broken up with. If in the course of breaking up you broke a few of his plates or his high school football trophy, OK. But being cheated on does not then result in a free pass to try to annihilate his professional life. You say you don't feel guilty, but obviously you do because what you did justifiably nags at you. Your ex-boyfriend is lucky that your email only resulted in a short period of being out of work. The consequences of what you did could have dogged him for years; his former employer could be providing the kind of reference that sends someone permanently to the bread line.

 

 

It will be a very difficult conversation to have, but I think he's entitled to know why his great job offer was suddenly withdrawn and also be prepared in case this ugly episode re-emerges somehow. So tell him that in your rage at his cheating on you, you hacked his account and sent an inflammatory email to his former HR manager. You don't have to give chapter and verse of everything you said in the email, but adding an apology would be a good thing to do.

 

 

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And please, everyone who is in love, keep in mind you can share your body and your soul with your beloved, but sharing your password is not such a good idea.

[1m50L0nl3y]

Those two really belong with each other. A match made in heaven...

[DylanNotorious]

Wow what a cow she was!

[Oneironaut]

Wow, what an ass he was!

[greywolf]

I have passwords to people's accounts and I have had some pretty horrible crap done to me, but I can't imagine ever doing something like that.

[Seraphim]

I hope she finds it as " justified " when someone does this to her.

[annie24]

yeah - even if he cheated on her and lied to her, that justifies smashing his dinner plates, not his career!! wow. Change all your passwords now!! Never give them out.

[RelaxByWater84]

You should never mess with someone's means to make a living. I mean unless they were skimming company money or doing something illegal.

[Princess123]

That is crossing the line to go after someone professionally.

[OptomisticGirl]

I have passwords to people's accounts and I have had some pretty horrible crap done to me, but I can't imagine ever doing something like that.

 

Exactly. I think it speaks volumes of how someone reacts in a situation like that. It sucks you were cheated on but you just stooped to his level - you are no bett than him.

[thejigsup]

Girl, it is wrong to cheat, no doubt about that. But, you've done somethng criminal that only the lowest of the low will do. I hope your proud of yourself. Do you really think you deserve a great guy after pulling somethng like this?

[sophie274]

Yikes. Terrifying. One hopes most scorned exes (or any human being) would never stoop this low. I have to say I wouldn't expect something like this to happen to me if I gave my boyfriend my password, but regardless I don't see the point of doing it.

 

That said, ooh, I can't say I would confess to the ex now. I'd be way too scared of how he would react. Does this have lawsuit potential?

[Seraphim]

I always think of this scenerio when people say that they believe passwords should ALWAYS be shared or you do not love or trust the person. I think ' ahhhh suuuuuureeee" and then you get situations like that. Seemly normal people go INSANE.

[DN]

I don't even think it's justified to break people's possessions after a break up even if there was cheating.

 

In this case, I would be amazed if there was not some crime or other that she committed here.

[wolflovesmoon]

Devil wears Prada, and it also comes in a woman`s form sometimes.. Karma will circle and get back to her one day.

[Seraphim]

I don't even think it's justified to break people's possessions after a break up even if there was cheating.

 

In this case, I would be amazed if there was not some crime or other that she committed here.

 

I agree. If I was the man here I would sue her.

[wolflovesmoon]

When i suspected my ex was doing some dirt behind the scene i hacked her yahoo and find out her Best friend for ten years was sending her videos of him jerking off ( what type of a best friend ??) i found other things i could`ve used against her. but i did not. i was about to send that video to her best friend`s girlfriend and even upload it on a porn website and make Cd`s copies and send them to all his family and friends, but i did not, Simply because i am not like that. But i end up cheating on her. not proud of it. anger blinds us sometimes, some people just take it to a higher level of vengeance

[catfeeder]

The irony that she defends her actions while using the words, "morally obliged" isn't lost on me.

 

I hope she confesses, he sues her and the company presses charges.

[Blue Spiral]

I'm glad I don't have to worry about things like that. I don't share passwords, I've never let a woman have a key, and I'm not financially or legally connected to any women. Human connection, yes, legal handcuffs/potential blowback, no.

[Fudgie]

I can see why some women retaliate after cheating (for example, if I got engaged, and I found that my fiance cheated, he probably won't get the ring back from me. I'd pawn it for myself so I can pay for a premium STD test!) but this is totally unacceptable. It's another thing to break a few dishes in anger, keeping a ring, etc but ruining the other person's life? No, that's just stooping to their level.

 

Shame that he cheated on her and she found out. they sound perfect for each other.

 

And yep, this is exactly why I won't give out my passwords. Ever.

[annalisa84]

Some years ago I still had my ex as one of the professional reference, by then we were living in different countries and he confirmed me he has no problem doing this. I mean.. he was the one breaking MY heart! Then once I got a call from a job agency and they asked me whether I have some personal problems with this referernce guy. I said not that I know of but he is one of my ex. Apparently he did give me a "recommendation" but he told them I am a drug addict and mentally instable??!! Of course absolutely NOT TRUE! The HR lady was so kind to tell me as she had met me and I left a good impression and didn't look like a insane junkie! But obviously I didn't get the job.

So low..

 

All I can think is that I am so lucky I got away from that guy! Still gives me chills when I think of him..

[offplanet]

You should give him the proof so that he can show it to the HR manager and thus vindicate himself, even though it's too late.

[annie24]

By the way - this is NOT about myself, as some people thought!!! This is from the advice column "Dear Prudence."

[holdonnow]

I wonder if people would think that tampering with his career (which isn't really what she did, she just blew a job opportunity for him) would be justified if he had given her herpes or AIDS.

[Fudgie]

I wonder if people would think that tampering with his career (which isn't really what she did, she just blew a job opportunity for him) would be justified if he had given her herpes or AIDS.

 

I tend to think not. but if that had happened, I would encourage her to get the law on her side and sue him for all the money he's worth. It has been done in cases where a partner knowingly gives a disease to another partner and boy, the money you can get would be worth it. Bleed him dry.