Am I just paranoid? is this normal?

[silenciomaria]

I'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, soon to be wife, for just about 5 years now, am currently in the UK now, but I go back at least once a year, to see her... as any relationship we have our own sets of up's and downs.. like last year we have a bit of misunderstanding, that we went through, and we fell out, and i ended up cheating with another girl that I met in college, i know it was wrong, I went on defence mode, because I thought she was gonna cheat on me with this guy that was gonna help her with her college work. but in the end, I was wrong, it turned out they were just friends, and she fought for our relationship, she could have dated other guys, when I cheater on her, but she didnt, and she waited for me to come back, even though I myself pushed her away a few times that's when I realised what I'm missing, so I decided to leave this girl that I cheated with, and went back with her.. best decision I made in my life, its been better actually the second time around, we understand each other more and we learned to not take each other for granted... Now we come to the part about my question.. just recently she started texting this guy again, I said again because, this is the same guy that she asked last year to help her with her college work, and such, weird right, I felt like it's gonna happen again, i don't really believe in karma but its still a b*tch and I feel like its gonna bite me for what I did to her last time.. anyhow, they started chatting online on "the most popular social network" then they started texting each other aswell, which I dont have a problem as she said to me before they were just friends, catching up about college and that and she told me the reason she was texting him because she needs help with her college thesis, so I was like fine yeah, but after a few months, I had this weird feeling, that's somethings up, we guys call it a "Gut Feeling" which is really weird, so I went for my gut and confronted her, and asked her, what really going on between them two, and I knew before, that this guy likes my GF, because she told me that he was being weird, trying to make a move with her in a "friendly manner" such as being nice to her, doing this and that for her, all related to college work which I don't have a problem with, I don't want my GF to think that I'm being a too jelous and possesive and not let her have any guy friends, so going back on the part where I confronted her, she honestly told me that she actualyl started to like this guy, I was blown away, because I didnt expect that from her, and she told me that she enjoys talking to her on text and that, weird enough they never really spoke in person just online and text messages, but there was one occasion where they watched a movie together, which wasnt intentional, because my GF was supposed to just watch a movie on her own, and he turned up so they ended up watching together, which I went to paranoid mode for a bit again, the moment I found out, but it was good that she was honest and told me about it and said to me that they didnt even talked, and acted like strangers so I was like fine, cool.by the way this happened before my GF admited that she liked him.. moving on.. she told me that it was like an infatuation thing for him, and I'm the one the she really loves and won't do anything that would harm our relationship and I was like. okay I trust you.. and I was okay with it, because I know what she's going through, because a couple of months ago after I cheated on my gf, I had an infatuation with this girl that I met at work, which we started as friends aswell. and we started hanging out but in the end we just stayed as friends even though we were getting close. because I can't cheat on my GF again, after I've seen what she's been though, I still hear her voice crying even now everytime I remember that I did. So thats why am getting paranoid that she might like this guy even more that what she's saying, cuz I've been in that same situation, I know that their still talking to each other , and sometimes I felt like im losing her each day, because she probobly talks to him more than me, as his closer to her than me, but maybe it's just me thinking way too much she's just busy with college, I don't know, and everytime we talk I can't help but ask her if she talked to him this day and that if so what did they talked about, which she proboly is tired of, in a way i feel relieved if she tells me about what they talked about but i cant help to not feel jelouse that by the sound of it, she's enjoying talking to him seems like they got a lot to talk about, makes me feel so useless and uninteresting, just makes me wanna hit something not that im angry just frustrating at times, to be honest I can't afford to lose her, especially, now that we're planning to get married next year as I'm going back home to settle down with her.

 

So guys what do you think? should I just let it be? and act like nothings wrong?

 

Thanks guys.. i feel much better now that I got that out of my chest, been keeping that for weeks but I dont know who to talk to

[Princess123]

Personally I think thoughts of cheating, acts upon cheating ruin any relationship and there is no fixing it. Couples can say they made it work but in the back of someones mind is doubt. What I see here is a person being so wrapped up into thinking this is the only person they are meant to be with etc. When in reality you cheated because you had some feelings for another and not your gf. At one point you had stopped having feelings for your gf enough to cheat on her. Now the person who gets paranoid is usually the one who cheats or the one who keeps asking are you cheating is the one cheating. If you really feel there is doubt and sees like you can't trust her then why are you with her? Do you feel that you owe it to be with her because she took you back? Ask yourself what do you really want?

 

You guys really only see each other 1 a year?

[silenciomaria]

Thanks for the reply,

 

I know what your getting at, and its true that i stopped having feelings for her for a while but then I felt unhappy and realised that I wasnt happy with this girl that i cheated with, and thats not what I really want, the reason i kept asking her now, its all gut feeling really, i dunno if i have trust issues or something, but now, i just noticed small things which i dont really take notice before, such as she don't text me or just talk really like we used to, and i feel like she does not care anymore, before she used to talk to me first but now, i'm always the one starting the conversation, like saying hi every mornin, when i see her online, which is unlike before where she always sents me a message first saying she's online talk to me. I just put all the doubts in the back of head, and think maybe she's just really busy with college and that, it's her last year this year by the way. but i can't help but think, that she might be talking to this guy everytime she's not talking to me, and they might be getting along really well. and I dont feel like I owe here, cause I still hang on to her word that she told me that she loves me and her and that guy would just stay as friends even though they like each other. am really just a guy stuck in middle trying to act as there's nothings wrong everytime I talk to her, and sometimes I think that this is what you call "Karma" for what I did before. I don't want to leave her, knowing that I might be wrong again, that in the end their just actually friends and im just thinkin too much of the situation. I really do love her, I cant imagine my life without her, and to answer your last question, yes we did see each otheronce a month every year the longest stay I had was just about a 2 months , because I've got college here in the uk, but now i'm finished, I'm planning to move back there and stay by march or april next year.

[Voguester]

I think LDRs can be hard and of course the temptation is going to be there. The fact that you guys have been together for 5 years now is pretty amazing, I don't know if I could do that. I'm with my LD boyfriend and its been 3 years, I love him and I would like to think that we'd wait another 3 years for each other but I'm not so sure. I wouldn't however cheat on him...ever, besides the fact that I'm a really loyal person, I also don't think I could have these feelings about anyone else while we're a couple.

I feel that you and your gf have a good chance, you've stayed in contact for 5 years! there's obviously a strong bond and connection there. You did cheat on her with someone else and you know what...I can see how you might have done that, its hard not having that physical and affectionate part of the relationship and it probably got the best of you.

If I were you I would calm down, stop being paranoid, communication is the key so talk to your gf about what's going on and go from there, don't go jumping to conclusions and worrying who she is talking to when you're not around because it will honestly make you really unhappy and drive you insane.

[silenciomaria]

hi Voguester

 

Thanks for the reply, and can I just say, that is spot on.. thats what im going through at the moment, its driving me crazy to be honest, and I feel like i'm pushing her away,and just recently we had an argument again, because i told her that I noticed that this guy posted something on her wall, and it was awkward, for me of course, and now she's ignoring me. if only I could go there and sort this out myself, but I cant, im stuck here hundred miles away, I dont wanna let her go, after all the we been through, maybe I just have to swallow everything and live with it hopefully one day everythings gonna be back to what it used to be..