Jump to content

The darkest summer holidays of my life...


Recommended Posts

It's been about two months since my break up. I'm still nowehere near over it...

 

A short summary:

 

At the start of the summer holidays me and my boyfriend of 15 months broke up. We did have our arguments, but still the break up was completely out of the blue. Two days earlier he told me that we needed to talk (we had some argument that week) but that I didn't have to worry, because everything would be fine between us again after that. He said he had such strong feelings for me. And then, on friday, he told me he wanted a break, a hiatus. He told me that we'd get back together eventually and that he'd be there for me during the break. Since that moment he's been completely ignoring me. I haven't heard anything from him. It's like he has disappeared from the planet. We live only about 200 meters apart. I didn't stalk him with calls or emails, I tried to contact him only a few times. But still he ignored them. The first couple of weeks after the break up I still thought that it was just a hiatus, so I still had hope of getting back together. Then I sent him a last letter and asked him to give me closure and to be honest with me: is it a break up or is it a break? But, as expected, he didn't reply...from that moment I've been trying to accept that it's over...I then changed my FaceBook status to single again, and so did he.

 

I've been without him for two months now, and I still feel very down. I don't cry as much anymore as I did the first week however. The thought of never getting to hug or kiss him ever again kills me. We spent so much time together (too much probably, my life had become all about him), almost every day of the week I was looking forward to seeing him in the evening. Now my whole life feels meaningless...I can't get him out of my mind. I was still very much in love with him the moment he broke up with me. I don't know what to do. I'm looking for a new job and other things to do, liketaking classes, but it all feels so meaningless. I can't really look forward to anything knowing he will never be with me again. I feel very empty inside. I miss him so much, I long to hug and kiss him but I know that will never happen again. Memories of the good times keep passing my mind. How do I stop that? It hurts so much...Every evening I miss him and every weekend...I just don't know what to do, is it normal to still feel like this two months later? Everything reminds me of him...I ruined to exams in the summer holidays because of all this. I wonder if I will ever love someone as much as I loved him, I wonder if I will ever fall in love with someone again. My feelings for my ex are still so strong.

Link to comment

I still can't get my ex out of my mind even though its been about a month and a half. I can't help but feel this immense pain late at night and in the mornings. I still dream about her. And like your situation, my ex suggested a break during the summer out of the blue. I felt like everything was going so well... and she said that it was going well too. She then contacts me a week later and says we should still be friends. I was like what the heck... the break obviously means a break up. After 3 gruesome weeks where I cried every single day I contacted her for closure because I was losing so much weight and sleep. She didn't want to meet me in person and forced the conversation over text and it came out pretty gruesome. I kind of got my closure, yet it is still very vague. She just one day woke up and realized she liked me as a friend? We did so much together and the memories keep flying through my head. There's nothing really you can do about it except wait as time helps you heal. I'm still waiting for the day when I can wake up without feeling so empty and where I can go outside without every single thing reminding me about her. I apologize for the long story.

Link to comment

Funny how NC isn't hard to do for me now. Maybe because he started ignoring me and I know he won't reply anyway, but I think it's mainly because I know it would hurt me even more if I'd see him or hear his voice. I think all the progress I've made in the last weeks would be lost if I'd see him. I'd be back where I started probably. Since the break up I haven't even looked at pictures of him, even that would be too painful.

Link to comment

My heart goes out to you. While grief is natural, I think you understand that pining doesn't work--it keeps you in stagnation, and it's hard to feel motivated to pull yourself out of that.

 

I'd consider something else. I'd consider my pride and how I hope to be viewed next month or next year by ex (or anyone who'd speak to ex) as someone who surprised everyone (including myself) by my resiliency and ability to bounce back. I threw myself into doing just that. Exercise, new haircut, rekindled friendships, exploration of new hobbies and new friends outside my old circles.

 

Facing that he's gone didn't appeal to me, so I found that holding a kernel of hope that moving myself to higher ground might make ex feel differently than he felt about the girl he left. Okay, it was a mental trick--but it worked in ways I couldn't have imagined. As I crafted a new lifestyle, I became more important as ex became less important. Before long I had embraced a whole new perspective about the relationship--it wasn't my 'world,' it was an experience that taught me things. I moved forward with confidence that I was improved material for a better relationship.

Link to comment

thanks for all the best wishes guys.

 

Fortunately, I haven't run into him since the break up. Funny, cause we're only living about 200 meters apart. I've know idea what he's up to, I don't even want to know. I've blocked him on facebook some time ago, so I don't get to see his status updates anymore. They would probably make me long for him even more or hurt me. It's so weird never seeing him around, we live so close to eachother. Out of sight, out of mind, I hope...

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...