Frustration at lack of people who share the same interests...

[ApocalypseDreams]

I'm feeling disheartened at the moment. Disheartened by the lack of females, in my circles at least, who are interested in more meaningful things. At the lack of females that watch the news and who know something about what is currently going on in the world. The fact that so many women seem to find these topics boring and a turn off.

 

Are there females out there that are interested in politics, the environment, current world events, history and cultures? I'm starting to feel that women like this don't exist or if they do, they are very few in number. Having an interest and being passionate about the world, nature, social issues etc is a deal breaker for me. I don't care if she looks like Megan Fox - if she rolls her eyes when the topic of politics comes up or yawns when an interesting documentary comes on, I'm turned off. I'm not interested in someone who is mentally sloth or intellectually lazy. I'm not interested in someone who is apathetic or disinterested by things like this. This is non negotiable for me. Anything less and I would feel like I'm settling for someone.

 

My last girlfriend used to trivialise and ridicule my efforts and interest in the environment. She made out that the campaigns I was involved in, the volunteering I was doing and the things I was studying were a waste of time which hurt me alot. This is who I am and this is where my values, ideals and passions lie. My girlfriend before that genuinely thought Africa was a country and not a continent. I'm sorry, I'm not the smartest person in the world however I am educated and do know alot for someone my age and I can't accept this. I'm curious, want to learn things and increase my knowledge of what is going on around me.

 

I want someone who has an opinion and is prepared to voice it and to share it. I want someone who believes in something. I want someone who knows alot about something and has the desire to learn about other things. I feel like I am really limiting my dating pool by have these standards but why should I expect less than this? Why should I always tone or dumb down my topics for discussion because important things are seen as boring?

 

I'm sorry, I'm just frustrated by this and I'm not pinning this just on females as many males share these exact traits. I'm not attracted to males though.

[SicFounder]

I, myself, am very much the same way. I'm very interested in "boring" stuff. And women my age find it boring. Luckily, I'm very much in to women that are older than me (like 4 to 8 years).

 

Sometimes when I try talking about how unfair most corporations treat their employees, I get that "He's full of * * * * " look. It's just the way things are.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There are indeed intellectual women around who care about issues..you just haven't met her yet. What about the groups you get involved with..they should attract more intellectual women who care about world events. However, I will also say that you should be clear in your mind about if you are looking to find someone who shares your world view. Are you very left wing in your stance on politics and social issues? If so, can you accept a partner who is not very left wing...someone who is more in the centre, someone who may happen to disagree with your stance on some issues?

[gingerlemon]

I think your expectations to a relationship are totally understandable and legitimate. Following your other posts/ exchanges, I think you just need a change of social environment. There are lots of women like that around, but seems they don't hang out in your local area. Get your bum moving somewhere else

[ApocalypseDreams]

There are indeed intellectual women around who care about issues..you just haven't met her yet. What about the groups you get involved with..they should attract more intellectual women who care about world events. However, I will also say that you should be clear in your mind about if you are looking to find someone who shares your world view. Are you very left wing in your stance on politics and social issues? If so, can you accept a partner who is not very left wing...someone who is more in the centre, someone who may happen to disagree with your stance on some issues?

 

Thanks for the reply Crazyaboutdogs!

 

The city I live in is fairly small and therefore the pool of people who take part in things is also small. I've found most of the people who volunteer here tend to be much older women, outside my age range (I'm 25). I work at my university as a research assistant in environmental science and I guess there is some potential there. I've been considering joining a local political group that meets up in the city and has weekly discussions of topics but I'm hesitant because I want to be able to independantly form my own opinions on things and not get sucked into 'group think'.

 

I am left wing but I could date someone who doesn't agree with me on every single issue. Some issues are more negotiable than others (I couldn't date someone who is racist, sexist or homophobic for instance). I'm not entirely sure if it would work though because I'd never dated anyone who has had an opinion on anything really. Maybe I couldn't date someone more center or right of where I sit? That's a really interesting question actually!

[ApocalypseDreams]

I, myself, am very much the same way. I'm very interested in "boring" stuff. And women my age find it boring. Luckily, I'm very much in to women that are older than me (like 4 to 8 years).

 

Sometimes when I try talking about how unfair most corporations treat their employees, I get that "He's full of * * * * " look. It's just the way things are.

 

Sucks doesn't it?

 

I don't get how people can be bored or trivialise things that affect them!

 

Caring or being interested in these sorts of things make me feel like some kind of weirdo amongst girls my age.

[ApocalypseDreams]

I think your expectations to a relationship are totally understandable and legitimate. Following your other posts/ exchanges, I think you just need a change of social environment. There are lots of women like that around, but seems they don't hang out in your local area. Get your bum moving somewhere else

 

Gingerlemon! I think so too!

 

I'm not asking for a phD in political science. I'm just asking for someone who is interested in the world around them. I mean, the world is so big, so different and unique - how can you not be interested in it?

[gingerlemon]

I mean, the world is so big, so different and unique - how can you not be interested in it?

 

Absolutely. It's a great gift. Go after it

[meoww]

I don't think it's just women that fall into this category. I can think of plenty of people who think that keeping up with current talking points is the same as being well informed. Also, give us ladies a break, we have only been socialized to be politically active or interested in recent years, it takes time to play catch up you know : )

 

I agree that maybe an eventual change of place might yield better potential partners. Until then, try all sorts of new activities, most well rounded people have interesting hobbies! good luck! I'm trying to do something similar and running to the same problem, it can be overwhelming at times!

[ApocalypseDreams]

I don't think it's just women that fall into this category. I can think of plenty of people who think that keeping up with current talking points is the same as being well informed. Also, give us ladies a break, we have only been socialized to be politically active or interested in recent years, it takes time to play catch up you know : )

 

I agree that maybe an eventual change of place might yield better potential partners. Until then, try all sorts of new activities, most well rounded people have interesting hobbies! good luck! I'm trying to do something similar and running to the same problem, it can be overwhelming at times!

 

Hey meoww It is a bit overwhelming isn't it?

 

No you're right it isn't just women, it is men also but I'm only interested in dating women. Also, I agree with your statement about political awareness is something only recent to women, given that politics is traditionally an 'old boys club'. I think my frustration with a lack of opinion in some women could possibly be because there is and traditionally has been an expectation for women to be passive. I hope this changes because I like a woman with opinions and is strong and confident enough to voice them.

[lemsip]

Ahhh Jonty, hope you're well mate.

 

As you know, I feel the same way about all this too.

 

The woman of your dreams is waiting out there for you. You just have to go and find her. Travel again, don't think about meeting someone, and it'll just happen. Trust me.

[feenyx]

If you come from a small town maybe moving to a big city will be refreshing. I do want to emphasize that it's still tricky to find an "intelligent" and "politically-minded" woman at 25. At 25 I would think most would be setting up or getting settled in their careers. Some might not think beyond their towns because of this.

 

I'm 26 and a college professor. I stay current mainly for my students (they're internationals). I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype that Americans are self-centered and ignorant, so I tune in CNN a few times a week. It's pretty much information to me until I get a batch of Egyptian students, then it's more meaningful to know what's been going on.

 

I'm the youngest out of my department and probably will stay that way for awhile. Most of my colleagues are 35 years-old or older. If you're into older women, you'd have an easier time finding a woman as you've described. But I'm sure the younger budding activists are in your political science classes waiting to be inspired. The smarties are around, but at 25ish it's unusual even in a populated area.

[catfeeder]

What's 'wrong' with limiting your dating pool?

 

We're all looking for the right match with one unique individual, not an entire population segment. With millions of people in the world, it only makes sense to screen out wrong matches--and they will undoubtedly be the majority.

 

For our purposes, 'more' is not better--it only takes one. The whole point is to find someone who connects with you and 'gets you' on an intimate level, and if that were easy, what would be so rare and special about love?

 

You know what you want, and that puts you in a much better position to find it someday than those who are so needy they'll lower their bar to allow cruelty, stupidity or lack of chemistry into their lives. So, isn't that a good thing? And if so, you'll probably up your chances with a smart girl by losing the chip. The best girl in the world for you is probably also wise enough to spot hostility and to screen it out of her dating pool.

 

Patience, and head high.

[friendsoulmate]

I have some similar frustrations. I believe this is why link removed was started. There are people like yourself, who get frustrated enough, that they decide to become a leader of a new meetup group. I live in a good-size(larger population) college town, about 130,000 population. I don't think the size of my city is my source of my problem. The general politics here does lean to the left. I am in a habit of watching the meetup group list, and I am surprised that the attendence for most of these groups is pretty bad. Many of the meetup groups I see do lean to the left. Even if you did start a meetup group in a town I live in, such as mine, you could still have a bad attendance problem for these attendees who share your same interests. You could experiment and try becoming a leader of a meetup group where you live and see what kind of results you get. I don't think I would be a good leader of a group. I have never led any group alone. I also work 40 hours a week and I am busy with home chores on Sunday, that's my excuse. If you don't get good attendance, it's easy to conclude that moving away will solve your problem. It's easier said than done, and the grass isn't always greener in another place, unless you have solid evidence it is greener living in a new and different place.

[friendsoulmate]

I think your expectations to a relationship are totally understandable and legitimate. Following your other posts/ exchanges, I think you just need a change of social environment. There are lots of women like that around, but seems they don't hang out in your local area. Get your bum moving somewhere else

 

Easier said than done.

[gingerlemon]

Easier said than done.

 

Everything is easier said than done. But some things are possible, if we want to make them possible. I've had lots of people tell me I couldn't do various things. The truth was that with most of them, I could.

[ApocalypseDreams]

Wow this is why I love this place. Thanks for all the inputs!

 

Catfeeder - Nothing wrong I guess with limiting my dating pool. I suppose it is good that I at least know what I'm looking for. My concern is, out of the small number of people who possess these qualities you then have to consider how many I'd actually be attracted to and have chemistry with? Then out of those, how many would be attracted to me? By the time it has all filtered itself down I'd be left with a very small number.

 

Friendsoulmate - I'm not sure I could start up a group or how successful it would be. link removed has about 35 meetups for the city I am in and mostly all of them are either highly professional people wanting to meet other highly professional people or bizarre conspiracy theory groups. I'll keep checking I suppose.

 

Lemsip - I'm doing alright! What about yourself? Yeah, I don't think she's here either.

 

Feenyx - The city I'm from has about 1.5 million people, so while not small, it is one of the most isolated major cities in the world (the nearest city is a few hours flight from here). I've been considering moving over east for a while now. There is alot more potential in Melbourne and Sydney I think. The city I'm in is very *mainstream* in it's culture and has small town mentality generally. I think you're onto something regarding the ages too. I might have to wait a few years.

[catfeeder]

By the time it has all filtered itself down I'd be left with a very small number.

 

That's the point when you're looking for one.

[acoustic7]

I'm a young woman (26) and I'm very interested in (and can converse about) politics, history, cultures, travel, languages, art, music, museums, cities, exploring, learning, science, and all kinds of other things. I'm midway through pursuing a graduate degree, and I know many other intelligent, interested, and interesting young women who are my classmates and friends. And honestly, they are beautiful women, and we are never pursued or asked out on dates. And I mean never; I have been on one date in the past ten years (I'm a moderately attractive woman) and I know other women who have never been on a date, who are absolutely beautiful.

 

I think it's an issue for both sexes, to be honest. Why don't our types meet one another? Haha... Maybe you should take some graduate classes near you in some subjects you're interested in. Or, at least figure out where those women study. Pursue them -- I think it's the pursuing of these kinds of women that might put men off sometimes. Honestly, some women are icy, cold, and unapproachable, but most of us are cautiously happy to have a conversation with you!

 

We ARE out here! I promise! There are lots of us!

[jonny15]

I am left wing but I could date someone who doesn't agree with me on every single issue. Some issues are more negotiable than others (I couldn't date someone who is racist, sexist or homophobic for instance). I'm not entirely sure if it would work though because I'd never dated anyone who has had an opinion on anything really. Maybe I couldn't date someone more center or right of where I sit? That's a really interesting question actually!

 

I think that most people wouldn't want to date someone racist.

 

I think this is a subject that you kind of have to bite your tongue with when it comes to tryin to find someone.

 

Not everyone is gonna have your point of view on things, so your gonna have to let things slide.

 

You also gonna just have to find some political groups or somethin like that to find someone who is into everything you are into to.

[Minx2012]

Interesting that we disagreed on one aspect of the interracial dating thread I had put up ( and your comment on " white privelege " )...when in reality, you and I are not that far much off different in our interests in global politics and economics. So I am surprised you had that view if you are quite prolific in your readings of 21st century politics and economics, that we know as "globalisation".

 

In my opinion, as a woman who loves politics and economics ( on a global sphere ), I am also FLABBERGASTED that people in their mid 20s are very uninterested in it when it defines their VERY REALITY. It defines the clothes they wear, where they buy it from, what happens when they make a purchase. Every flutter of a butterfly's wing has reverberating consequences on a global scale. So I am surprised that people aren't looking at the cause and effect within their own realities by reading up more on economists reviews, news etc. For example, the detrimental need for Smartphones and laptops to stay connected in this world is causing wars over aggressive mining in Africa. Such horrible wars produce the most atrocious acts ( women getting raped as part of the militant tactics of the army and rebels, cutting off breasts, wombs of women, smashing babies' heads etc ). And all for what? For the minerals that we, the "priveleged", need for our smart phones and laptops.

 

Or something that we take for granted ( the ability to speak English ) is a matter of life and success in so many rising countries now, because English has become lingua franca of commerce and politics. If one knows this, then one will know WHY Asian countries have strong ESL holdings and right now, South America ( Brazil ) and Africa are capitalising on this as well. The English language has become a CURRENCY.

 

Anyway, I could go on about numerous cause and effects....For example, the creation of a private, international school in some remote country in Africa ( like Madagascar, for example ) could be a sign of something sinister. Why would white people with power need a private, international school in some remote country in Africa? Why, to educate their own kind of course...because that means they are settling in, they will be " invading " because their companies have found something "valuable" in an otherwise remote country that no one could care less about. Politics and economics. People should follow these things closely so they can make better ( perhaps "moral ") steps.

[Batya33]

I haven't read through the whole thread -most of my friends were and are interested in politics, current events, making a real contribution to the world -not all with "your" politics but certainly well rounded people of substance. I would be careful not to come accross as judgmental of those who don't share your interests - variety makes the world go around and while you don't need to date or be good friends with those people, I'd avoid coming accross as judgmental. Particularly people who care just as much about people as about causes - they might be put off if they sense that you are judgmental about people who have different interests than yours.

 

I found it far easier to meet people by moving 10 miles to a major city as soon as I could afford to - you meet far more of a variety of people and can join different groups and organizations.

 

I did find I had less in common with people who were more focused on causes than individuals -I liked a balance - so for example by volunteering with children who lived in a shelter, I met fellow volunteers who both wanted to make a difference in issues surrounding homeless people plus a difference in these individual's lives.

[Minx2012]

Not sure if you were referring to me, but I wasn't talking about causes as in " charitable organization - causes ". I was talking about actions and instances that create reverberating consequences.