2 weeks NC - feeling better but still missing her

[Mustang]

So today is day 14 of NC. I've been feeling reasonably OK but I have also had a few moments where my mind has gone into overdrive and I've gone into deep thinking mode. Y'know, all the usual stuff - What is she up to? Who is she with? Is she thinking of me at all? Does she still care about me? Etc etc. Late at night this weekend it drove me insane.

 

For the first time in two weeks, I looked at her Facebook today. I'm not friends with her so I can only see her Facebook profile picture. It was a picture of her posing (quite obviously drunk and on a night out). I instantly thought, who took the photo, who was she with, clearly she's not missing me if she's out having fun, etc, etc. I regret unblocking her and doing that.

 

Anyway, I've managed two weeks and I think I've done OK. I miss her like crazy and have a really strong urge to contact her. I can't though. I have no reason to. I have nothing to say and any contact I make will be a) a sign of weakness and b) an excuse. It's hard though. It really is.

 

Her actions in the run up to the break up were extremely hurtful and I'm clinging on to those bad thoughts for dear life to avoid going back and making myself look pathetic. As far as I'm concerned, she's the one that did bad things and she's the one that should contact me to rectify them (which I can't see her doing).

 

But I really really need some motivation today. TELL ME NOT TO CONTACT HER. The urge to do it is really strong (but I know if I do I will kick myself).

[sadchick83]

Don't do it. She is a nasty piece of work who played you while

Your Mom died. She is a sub-human creature who lacks empathy.

You will get through this, I promise you.

 

Cutting her off is all you can do. I guarantee you she is looking

At your FB picture as well. Maybe you should change your photo?

 

I'm sure your Mom is looking down at you from heaven. Make her proud by moving

On and making YOURSELF happy, and not dwelling on a person that is a waste of time.

[Mustang]

You're right. I know deep down that she doesn't deserve me and treated me very badly leading up to the break up and led me on after my mum's death (clearly to just ease her guilt). As soon as she saw that I was coping OK, she wanted nothing more to do with me.

[1m50L0nl3y]

Think before desperation. Congrats for making it down to 14 days! Most of the people in here can't make it past day 3. I'm sorry about what happened with your mother. You are a strong man. A sort of inspiration for weak individuals that see the BU as the worst thing that could happen in this lifetime. You don't need a drunk pathetic excuse for a girlfriend. If she wasn't with you at your lowest she doesn't deserve you at your highest. You deserve a caring woman. Not a mean girl.

[Larkin]

Tell yourself you'll contact her tomorrow. Then, when tomorrow gets here, you'll tell yourself you'll contact her tomorrow...

 

Works for me.

[purrbaby]

Good job making it to Day 14. I'm on Day 14 as well and have not contacted him and he has not contacted me. I miss him and there are times I want to contact him. But I don't have anything to say and he wouldn't respond so what's the point, right? Don't contact her. Don't give her the satisfaction in knowing you're thinking of her. Hang in there, we can do this!

[wrec]

Man my girlfriend of 17 months broke up with me. I am three months of no contact!!! It is not as bad as it was right after the BU but it is not much better either. It is just less worse. Stick to the no contact, it gets easier in time. I suggest blocking her on facebook. I had urges to check on her, see her photos, etc. Once she is blocked, it gets better.

[Mustang]

I failed. Argh. I just sent her a Facebook message asking how she's doing. Not in a desperate way or anything (although that's how it will ultimately look).

 

I don't for one minute expect her to want me back but I do miss her as a person as well and that's why I cracked.

 

IDIOT.

[purrbaby]

It's ok. Just dust yourself off and back on the no contact horse you go!

[Mustang]

Well, she's not replied. Which doesn't really surprise me but it's probably for the best.

 

I'm a bit annoyed with myself. It was such a pointless thing to do. It says to her that I'm still thinking about her and that any curiosity or fear that she may have had at her end will be eased. She can carry on doing whatever/whoever she's doing with no guilt or worries because she knows I'm still around.

 

As I say, IDIOT.

[learning2relax]

Chalk it up to learning....try not to let the anxiety of not hearing back from her eat you alive (that is the sets you back part we all warn of) and move forward. Reset the clock to zero and one foot in front of the other from here.

[Mustang]

Chalk it up to learning....try not to let the anxiety of not hearing back from her eat you alive (that is the sets you back part we all warn of) and move forward. Reset the clock to zero and one foot in front of the other from here.

 

Yeah I know. I won't let it eat away at me. I wasn't really expecting a reply anyway, which is why it was silly to send her a message in the first place. I just have to accept that I'm going to think of her every now and then but not react to it.

 

I've realised that all the nice things she said to me around the break up and my mum's death were nothing more than just words. Her actions have proved otherwise and the sooner I can take these rose tinted specs off the better. I should be angry with her for how she treated me during the break up and I should be angry with her for leading me on when my mum died.

 

It's always tough though. I feel like I've genuinely lost my best friend and the hardest thing is thinking that she doesn't really hurt in the same way and is happier without me. It makes me question everything. She's a very tough and stubborn person and she probably does (or did) hurt deep down but clings to anger and resentment to pull her through. It's very weird to think that just a few months ago, we were talking about marriage and children's names. Now we're nothing.

 

I'm alright though (it looks a lot worse written down) and I'll just carry on and forget that I cracked. It doesn't really change anything. I didn't make a fool of myself or anything, I just asked her how she was. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

[1guygirl]

nope its not a big deal...but you learnt another lesson, and you wont be so inclined to contact her again...so that in itself was worth the slip up, if it means it only builds your resolve in the long run

[Mustang]

nope its not a big deal...but you learnt another lesson, and you wont be so inclined to contact her again...so that in itself was worth the slip up, if it means it only builds your resolve in the long run

 

True. Also the fact that she's not responded is good too as it doesn't mislead me or set me back in any way. Plus if she wanted to hear from me she would've replied in some shape or form - as she hasn't, it kind of confirms things to me even further.

 

Back on the NC wagon!

[learning2relax]

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." -Proverb

[starrysky]

Mustang,

I just want you to know i feel your pain. Its 2 weeks since BU, and not even 1 week since NC and its the hardest thing in the world. All i want to do is text him, im going crazy with thoughts of 'is he missing me?' 'does he regret it?' 'what is he doing, is he fine without me?'. We just have to be strong for ourselves and for each other on here. If i had not joined here i prob would have been texting him everyday, but everyone who has been through this says how important NC is and we have to believe that it will speed the healing process. I don't know about you, but the pain i feel of losing my partner is unbearable, and i will do anything to feel even just a little better. If that means NC, then i must do it. Just think, they have not put themselves out there and contacted you, so why should you contact them? I think if we do that we only set ourselves up for either no reply or rejection again. It so hard but pls stay strong for all of us here. And don't worry about having contacted her, it is probably best that she didn't reply. And i would maybe try leaving FB, even for a while.

[vel2011]

Definitely don;t look at her profile on FB!! If you read my thread and recent posts, you will see how the smallest things can set you back!!

[Mustang]

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." -Proverb

 

Are you quoting The Office?

[Mustang]

Definitely don;t look at her profile on FB!! If you read my thread and recent posts, you will see how the smallest things can set you back!!

 

Yep, I failed there too. I was doing fine but I let curiosity get the better of me. I won't be doing it again.

 

To be honest, right now, I'm more annoyed about contacting her yesterday rather than anything else. It makes me look weak and pathetic and gives her a nice ego boost. Let's say that she was wondering if I was moving on (unlikely) then now she knows that I'm still thinking of her and she will have more security to move on and carry on as she is. I'm not saying I'm doing NC to get her back but obviously if that was to ever happen I would (at this stage at least) be prepared to listen to her. But two weeks is no time for her to miss me and I've probably annoyed her more than anything else.

 

I work in social media so I'm on Facebook all day and night. I just need to not crack again and contact her via that medium ever again. I think she's made her point clear by ignoring me anyway.

[beacon]

It has been over 3 weeks of NC for me and 2 1/2 months since the BU. She has contacted me twice in the last week, including yesterday, but I still haven't responded. I miss her immensely and want to talk to her, hold her and love her, but for these reasons, I cannot contact her. They already let us know that they don't want that, and these are the topics we would eventually cover, which is simply feeding their egos and giving them support.

 

It is important for us to love ourselves first and my perception of NC is just that. Stay away.

[Mustang]

I kind of want to go to bed tonight and wake up in three months time. Does anybody else get that? I just want to be over everything. I want to stop thinking about her, I want to stop wondering what she's thinking and stop wondering/caring about whether she's ever going to regret her decision or come back to me even as a friend.

 

I'm incredibly impatient.

[Mystery Enigma]

I kind of want to go to bed tonight and wake up in three months time. Does anybody else get that? I just want to be over everything. I want to stop thinking about her, I want to stop wondering what she's thinking and stop wondering/caring about whether she's ever going to regret her decision or come back to me even as a friend.

 

I'm incredibly impatient.

 

I've been practically NC for a month though I broke it twice. Once near the beginning when that hurricane came around and I wanted to let her know that I hoped she stayed safe. The second time, she kept sending me funny pics/messages over FB. Ultimately confused by this, I asked her what she wanted and she got angry and blocked me. I had a laugh at how completely random and overblown her reaction was. She hasn't changed at all.

 

Believe me, I also desire this "coma like" state where I'll wake up when I no longer have her on my mind but sadly life goes on whether I choose to or not. So I move on, university starts for me tomorrow which is a welcome distraction. I believe endy has an amazing pdf in his signature that I've read a few times. It's helped with moving on. Also, you need to face reality... at this point your mind is selectively remembering the positive and fun moments but you need to remind yourself of the bad times too. That's what gives me strength at times of weakness. Also, surround yourself with friends. I find that works wonders and sometimes I even forget about her for short times.

 

Just remember that just like my ex, she's not worth your time. From what I can see, both our exes are heartless and show no compassion to either of us. Stay strong, we all make mistakes but it serves as a fresh reminder that we need to move on.

[starrysky]

I hear you. I want to go to bed and wake up in a years time when hopefully this will all be a distant memory and i can feel proud of myself for being alone. I really want him to regret his decision to end this, and at least talk about it but i can't hold on that. I think unfortunatley its just going to take time, nothing ever stays the same. I just try to look back and think of a time when i was really hurt and felt time would never move forward, and realise that it did pass. Just as this will too i guess. Don't beat yourself up about contacting her, it may take a while but you will soon forget you ever did it. We've just got to hold on to the fact that this will all be just a memory someday.

[symbiot]

Starry, I'm so proud of you. You are doing it. Get the book "you can heal your life".

[starrysky]

Thank symbiot. Im not sure i totally believe myself right now but im trying my best. I have ordered the susan anderson book 'journey from abandonement to healing' and it should be here by tomorrow (hopefully). It comforting to know we're not alone on here.