GaHeartbroken Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I'm new here, hello everyone! Thank you in advance for any advice! Here is my story: I had been dating a lady for three months long-distance. We started as friends, talking for about two weeks before we decided to start dating as things were going so well and both of us were really excited about getting to know each other more. We dated about two months before an actual meeting in person. We talked every day since we started dating, both were so excited to talk each time and we couldn't wait to meet. After the meeting going well and three days into dating in person, she tells me that she has some doubts about what she thinks she should be feeling about me, especially when she kisses me, says that some times she feels really into it but at other times she doesn't. Things seem to me to be better for the remaining two days, and as I'm leaving she says she can't wait to meet me again and is going to miss me. Then I'm back home and things are still going great, but about a week after I am back, and have asked her if she is ready to be my girlfriend yet, she begins to tells me that she is having doubts again as to what she is feeling about me, if she feels the way she thinks she should feel about me, having that head-over-heels feeling. I say that I'll be patient with her and give her the time she needs to decide on her feelings as we keep dating, and not rush her in a decision about becoming my girlfriend. The next night she rehashes almost the exact thing as the previous night. Then the very next day, she calls me and tells me that she wants to keep dating but not as exclusively with me only, she has talked with her friends about her doubts and wants to have her options open with the doubts she is having. She says, that her friends think she should take it slow and see how she feels. One friend thinks she has cold feet about me, and that she is possibly thinking about what else might be out there, before he talked with her about this he had mentioned about her meeting a friend of his, as he did not know we were dating (she says that this has nothing to do with our break up, that she has these doubts before knowing about him, and anyways she doesn't know anything about this man; but I think it is why her surety about breaking up came so quickly, as I think she wants to get to know him, but I could be wrong). I say I will think about us still dating but her having the option open to not be exclusive. She calls me back later that night, saying that she wants a break, I try to get her to go back to lets keep dating but even if it is not exclusive. She still says she wants a break, as she has been torturing herself about what her feelings have been about me for the past week; as the conversation progresses she tells me she wants to break up. She says, she still has romantic feelings for me and that she likes me and really cares about me, that I'm a great guy and she hasn't had any man treat her as good as I have; but that the romantic feelings she has are not the same anymore that she once had for me (she isn't nearly as excited to talk on the phone anymore or dying to see me in person again), and she doesn't think they will return, and she doesn't want to try for them to return because she doesn't think they will, that the romantic feelings for me she does have are not enough for us to keep dating, that she would be leading me on. She says that I haven't done anything wrong, that I did everything right, and that there isn't anything for us to work on to fix. She says she would like to be friends, as it would make her sad to never hear from me again as she cares a lot about me (so she says). I told her that I didn't want this, I want to keep dating, that I think we could work this out with more getting to know each other and more time together. But she was now 100% sure, she told me. I finally told her that I would respect what she wants and that I wasn't sure if we could be friends or not. During the breakup talk she looked as hurt as I felt. It was a very civil breakup not a fight. We even prayed at the end of talk, asking if this is God's will for our lives and that it would work out the way He wants it to. I think she may have tried to have too many feelings too quickly and tried to rush them instead of letting it all come naturally, and I don't understand her torturing herself and the hurrying of why the breakup had to happen so quickly. I tried to get her to think about things over night or over a few days but she was sure that night that she had finally made up her mind. It's been five days of no contact since the breakup. I'm confused as of what to do. And I'm still in shock and extreme denial that it is over. Should I wait for her to contact me? Should I contact her to see how she is feeling? I think if she changed her mind she would've contacted me already, correct? I want to get back together with her, I don't want to lose her and what we've built already, even though it hasn't been that long compared to other relationships that I've read about on these forums that have broken up. We had so much in common and got along so well. I've worked hard and done all I could to try to win her. I still believe in my heart that God wants us together, even though this may be a huge rough patch. Thank you so very much for any advice you can give me! Link to comment
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